Losing it, just losing it

[YankeeCandle224]

First, I think I FINALLY got it thru to the bf that I AM moving in with the husband, and that we ARE going to have a relationship. I saw my therapist yesterday, and she knows my bf as we saw her together once. After I told her about him, and his personality, being controlling, knowing just what to say to get me back, or make me feel guilty, or just to get me to rethink my choices for me and my family, she said she knew all that from our one hour visit with her, but she wanted to know if I didnt want to move in with him because of my kids themselves, or if I had my own doubts and really did love my husband.

After so much soul searching I cant even describe, I move on the 21st of this month into the husbands place which is at least twice as big as my place, with my kids, 3 cats, and dalmation.

I still feel a loss though and the last two days the husband has had the kids, he still takes them a couple days a week til I move in, and I've done nothing but hurt all over (fibro), have a VERY messed up stomach (IBS, Crohns? I HOPE NOT the Crohns), and the IC is starting up again, not that it really ever stopped for a long period of time, but the frequency is definately increased and I've got the bladder spasms, with a little pain....Mostly, I just am a blob, partly because of the pain, partly because of the depression, AND the excitement that the next few months will bring me.

We;re going to buy a house, so that means moving twice for me. I cant even seem to pack a thing and I HAVE TO start packing like TWO WEEKS AGO.....

I guess I just need a boost, or kick in the butt, or something to get moving.....it's just a major life change again, and even with his faults, and the fact that I KNOW I'm making the right decision, I WILL miss the goood times with the bf............It makes me cry to think of them....and what will happen to him if he doesnt have me to love and worry over him........I just cant turn off the feelings for him even though I will NEVER betray my husband, I will wonder for a very long time how bf is, etc.

I cry, and my bladder spasms......I guess I'm scared, happy, and sad all at the same time...Please someone write me or pm me, or just write a kind word to get me thru this time of adjustment........its one of the hardest times of my life...the other was splitting up with my husband to begin with all these years ago, and to know he still loves me, and I still love him and care about our family makes me happy.

But...I still feel the loss of the bf, no matter what I do.......help?

Sandy

[dyno]

Sandy,
You are going through a very stressful situation and the stress is not helping any of your conditions. Maybe it would help if you could sit down and dream about the future. Set mini goals for yourself, then some longer ones. Think of things that you and your husband and kids will be doing, and things you would like to do as a family. Focus on the future and not the past. Sometimes that can be very hard to do but it might help you to feel better. Sending hugs your way. grouphug

[ICNDonna]

It sounds to me like you have considered your options and made your decision wisely.

Do you have medications to help you relax? If not, I do suggest you contact your physician and request something.

And Dyno is right --- looking forward is far better than backward --- you can't do anything about what is past, but you can do things to help with the future.

Warm hugs,
Donna

[YankeeCandle224]

Thank you guys. I know this is a hard situation to reply to, its hard to think of what to say, but you both just said the perfect thing and I thank you very much.

I am trying to look toward the future, and am thinking of the new house, the vacations, etc...Believe it or not though my husband and I used to vacation every year with the kids. There were a couple trips I missed due to my health, but otherwise, I was there, and now it will be even better.

Men.....well I should say 'man', because the ex bf, notice I finally said ex, knows what buttons to push to turn the guilt on, cause he's called and left messages this morning in his desperate attempt at getting me back before I move out.

I was gone for a little while, after 2 hours of sleep last night, to see my 11 year old daughter win a character award at school. Nothing can make me upset after seeing her wearing her patrol belt, and winning for the 3rd time in all her time in elementary school. It made this year just that more sweet for her! Shes in 5th grade, middle school next year.......groan.

Anyway, thank you.......I know I write novels, and sometimes I guess it is just my way of getting things out because I have carpal tunnel and cant hold a pen long enough to write in my journal that I love, but can hardly use.

Hugs to both of you, you're always there for me when I need a chin up.

Love, Sandy