GRRR!!"Glad your feeling better" & "You LOOK good" comments

[mlch]

Is it just me or does anyone else get steamed when you have others making comments to you such as, "oh, I'm glad you are feeling better" They seem to think because I drag myself and put on a happy face for my kids for Easter that I'm all better now.

Another one that gets me when discussing my IC is "well, you LOOK good." As if the fact that I am too vain to go out looking bad means that since I look put together I can't possibly be that sick. Taking the effort to look nice makes me feel better about myself. Just because I don't go around looking like a ragmuffin doesn't mean my condition isn't as bad as I am saying it is.

Not that I really expect people to understand my disease but these sort of comments don't help at all. It's like they are trying discount the severity of the disease or they see me as a fraud. IC doesn't show on the outside as some other conditions so it's so hard to get people to realize what we are going through. I just had to share my feeling about that. THANKS!

PS. I have read the book- You Don't Look Sick? I just wish everyone I come into contact with would have read it as well.

[lnseagraves]

oh my gosh, I know what you mean. Yesterday at my in laws, I had at least 5 people commenting on how "good" I look when I just got over a flare, am battling bronchitis and keep running to the bathroom for diarrhea. I just kept answering (in a surprised tone) "Oh I DO?? Really???" and left it at that. I think they say that to make me "feel better" but when I'm feeling that poorly I don't want everyone to think I look totally healthy. I'm scared that they'll say that i'm just overreacting or lazy or something......

[leelee88]

OHHHHHH that gets me going to...People will say oh I am so glad to see you up and around you must be feeling alot better...
You can imagine what I would like to say back to them..
But yes that does make me so mad...

[kadi]

Actually, considering how very bad I looked when I was at my sickest... no. I wish I were as pretty as I was before I got sick, but I gained 35 pounds on Elavil. I've lost 12, but still do not look like I did before IC.

I'm happy when someone says I look nice or better, because I am better.
The IC is not gone, but my symptoms are definitely improved with treatment. The people I love or see daily know what I still go through, so I don't take it any further mentally than that.

But, I do see this come up a lot on these boards, so no, you are not alone!

[Sarojini]

Sometimes I cannot stand those comments -- I got them around the time I had my InterStim surgery from people at work. "But you don't LOOK sick!" was a big one right before the surgery... they seemed to think getting a neurostimulator implanted in my behind was akin to having a nose job... elective, not necessary, a way to get out of work... rather than a last ditch option to relieve the desperate need to urinate constantly.

One woman even SAID, "But this isn't a real surgery, right? It's not really operating on anything inside..." She showed not only a lack of compassion with that comment but a fundamental misunderstanding of the entire procedure.

It was only after I explained to my boss that I now have a wire passing through my lower spinal cord, lying near my sacral nerve that he seemed to think that this was a serious step; still, I have no idea how long his period of compassion will last, as he's shown in the past that his periods of compassion are not permanent. He's like a compassion bipolar -- one week he's kind and gentle, the next he is screaming at you.

Ah, but yes, I do hate the "You don't look sick" stuff when it is said to me in a quietly snide way like the above examples.

There are times though, where people have really meant it in a nice way. For example, my pain management doctor said it, but she said, "You know, I don't know how you manage it... with all of these conditions, with all of the pain, you still get up in the morning, you make yourself look lovely, and go to work every day. I don't know if I could do it. I admire that. I'm proud of you."

My father has also said, while here over Christmas, that I was looking good when I complained I've put on weight due to meds... he said one would hardly know I was sick, all the while vacuuming the living room for me because he knows how much it hurts my back and bladder when I vacuum.

THAT kind of "you don't look sick" comment I can deal with... because it comes from understanding and caring hearts rather than from hearts that don't know and don't even WANT to know.

[Katrina]

Yes I know exactly what you mean, I often reply something like, I do? I am? really??? in a voice of shock and confussion! Most people that know me have learned to ask how I am feeling or doing instead since I may drag myself out and try to look good and be happy but that doesnt tell the whole story!!!

[humpieumpumkin]

I get that at work all the time. I would love to punch out 99.99% of everyone I work with.

Erika

[lynnemm7]

i had diarrhea for like 4 months straight and so many people are telling me how good i look because i've lost weight
i agree. i do look better ( i lost a normal amount of weight. nothing scary. just not in such a healthy way). but i don't feel better.
i figure at least i'm getting something out of it... losing that 10 pounds i've been fighting! =]

[Rivet Kitty]

Grrrrr.

What really gets me is when people say "Oh, well you used to be fine." No really! I had no idea?! As if they think I haven't noticed? It makes me feel worse when I remember what it was like to not be sick and not be in the bathroom 24/7.

Some people are so insensitive.

It's like when I had an eating disorder and people told me how great I looked. Once I gained the weight back because I was finally in a healthy state of mind everyone's like..yeahhh....she could stand to lose a few pounds. (About 20!)

Doctor's never believe me either. Well you look good TODAY. Today being the operative word. Tomorrow will be a different story. And then they don't want to give me pain meds because I'm all cheery and seem fine. Well I'm cheery cos I'm at the doctors who is supposed to help me!

Lol. This just turned into an angry little rant. But bleh, we all know what it's like now don't we. :'(

Kitty

[lynnemm7]

ahhh. i swear my best days are days i'm going to the dr. and they think i'm crazy! or lying. =/
like last time i went i told her i'd been doing pretty good. no unbearable pain for a couple weeks she said oh okay good, i'll see you in 3 months.
and the next day was a flare! a bad one too!

[Jessica12974]

I hate that! Well you look great so you must be better! Yeah right! If only they had a clue as to how bad this is! By the way, I just voted for you! I hope you win! Good luck!

[jen74]

I also get infuriated when people tell me that I look healthy so I cant possibly feel that bad. I mean when My mom was Dx with terminal liver cancer, you would never have known it by looking at her, yet she was very sick obviously. People are so stupid sometimes I have to laugh at them.
I also lost like over 35 lbs in just a few months due to a digestive disease I have and I had people tell me how lucky I was that I was losing weight. Not really lucky for me as I was not getting enough nutrients at the time.
I think people just dont think sometimes before the speak. They have no clue that they are insulting us, as they think they are complimenting us. I find that it is just easier to ignore them and just smile and say nothing. It is not worth trying to explain myself because in the end, they likely still wont get it.
I also read the book " you dont look sick". It was really good. I recommend it. It is so true.
Jen

[humpieumpumkin]

I can relate.

I went to the uro after I started meds, told him they wern't working. He didn't beleive me becuase it was the fisrt appt. that I wasn't crying for. I had it. I went for a second opinion, and it was really one of the best things I have done for myself in my whole life. If your doctor doesn't beleive you, go to someone else. Co-workers are buttholes, and they will never be nice and that you can't help, but doctors are up to you...

Erika

[mlch]

WOW, I didn't mean to start a rant and rave. But it really does help to have others who have been there and completely understand. I love reading the other comments and know I have friends here who feel the same way.

BTW, thanks so much for the votes. You can vote everyDAY! Plus you get a chance to win $250 in cash just for voting. I really want some flowers to cheer me up on those bad days.

[sweettabby]

People dont understand unless they go through it I guess.