No announcement yet.

How to exlcude my mother from my procedure results?

  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • How to exlcude my mother from my procedure results?

    I'm not sure where to post this. However, since I posted recently about being "a pain pill addict" I guess this is the place.

    This Thursday I'm having another hydro/cysto done.
    Since it's under general anesthesia my husband and mother plan on being there. Afterwards I've decided to go stay at my moms house for one night. This because of much needed rest that I can't get at home with my kids.

    My problem is this. Since my mom feels so strongly about my "pain pill problem", I would prefer that my uro doesn't discuss the outcome of my procedure with her. Nor do I want him to discuss my pain managment. How can I ask my doctor to exclude my mother when he will have to speak to my husband?

    I don't want to cause hard feelings between me and mom, I just don't want her involvement with my pain stuff.

    Also, I should mention that my dh is not a good communicator. He would never ask my doctor questions. He would just sit and listen to my doctor speak. My mother however is very outspoken and I know she would ask a LOT of questions.

    What can I do????


  • #2
    Talk to the dr before your procedure and tell him that you prefer him to talk to your husband alone without your Mother. Thats all I can suggest. I don't know what else to tell you. Maybe someone else will be able to help you. Let us know how you do after the procedure.
    Hang in there , There is hope.
    There is hope. Prayer works.

    Love, Debbie


    • #3
      You can handle this 2 ways, one way is to ask your doctor not to mention pain meds when your mother is present. You said your mother is outspoken, and will ask questions. This may be the best time for your doctor to explain that your IC pain is chronic, and more intense than anything she can imagine. She might believe your doctor, even if she doesn't believe you. If that doesn't work, then you will have to agree never to talk about pain meds again.


      • #4
        Definitely talk to your doctor beforehand to explain the situation. Have him give a minimal amount of info in front of your mother. If necessary, ask him to call you a couple of days after the procedure to communicate anything that isn't urgent or he could write down some instructions or findings from the cysto/hydro.

        He really has to respect your wishes, especially with all the new privacy rules.

        Diagnosed August 2001

        Current IC meds: Elmiron (since 2001), Levaquin (one pill after intercourse to prevent UTIs), Effexor (for depression & anxiety)

        Past IC meds: Amitriptyline (Elavil), Hydroxyzine (Vistaril), Detrol LA, Lexapro (for depression & anxiety, but also helped my IC) (They all helped, but I was able to discontinue them.)

        I've been virtually symptom free and able to eat & drink whatever I'd like for about 8 years now.


        “We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.” ~ Viktor Frankl

        “You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.” ~ Brian Tracy


        • #5
          If you don't want your doctor discussing your medical condition and various information about your pain meds. then I would definitely tell him before hand to just discuss the results with your husband. That is your right as his patient. If he isn't willing to do that then I would come up with a reason for her to stay home. Something that would give her a reason to stay home and maybe get things prepared at her house for your overnight stay. Good Luck with everything!!!!!!!!!!! Tami
          [email protected]


          • #6
            The others are correct. If you ask your doctor to discuss your condition only with your husband and not in the presence of your mother, he is pretty much obligated to do just that. Many times the physician will telephone the waiting area with the report --- that might be a good solution --- then he can just talk with your husband.

            Warm hugs,
            Stay safe

            Elmiron Eye Disease Information Center -
            Elmiron Eye Disease Fact Sheet (Downloadable) -

            Have you checked the ICN Shop?
            Click on ICN Shop at the top of this page. You'll find Bladder Builder and Bladder Rest, both of which we are finding have excellent results.

            Patient Help:


            Diet list:

            AUA Guidelines:

            I am not a medical authority nor do I offer medical advice. In all cases, I strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.

            Anyone who says something is foolproof hasn't met a determined fool


            • #7
              Just an idea...perhaps instead of going to her house after surgery, send your kids to her house. That way, you have privacy, and can rest better in your own home, and she gets a day of fun with her grandchildren! This is what we ususally do when I have surgery. This will also keep your mom's knowledge of your pain control at bay. Best wishes, and please let us know how you do! grouphug
              Wishing you the best, today, tomorrow, and always! Sheri G


              • #8
                I forgot to mention something last night in my post---You also need to make sure your husband gets your prescriptions filled and have him to put them out of her sight. IF she has access to them will examine them and see how many you are prescribed and how many you take, etc. If you need to take extra (which you probably will) you are the only one who will no if this is needed. IF she sees you doing this she will just be more involved in your business. I agree with Donna, if there is no other way around her not being there have your doctor to call and talk to your husband. I also think that sending the kids to her house is a great idea!!! Suggest to her taking care of the kids and if she wants to do something for you ask her to cook your family a nice homecooked meal!!!

                Tami angel hi
                [email protected]


                • #9
                  One of our admission questions at our hospital is to ask the patient if it's ok to discuss their condition, etc. in front of family members. I would write a note in advance about your wishes and discreetly pass it to the nurse. He/she should also be able to run interference for you and/or prompt your Dr. also. We do it all the time.
                  Dianne (RN)

                  My bellydance "sisters" , our dogs, and me.


                  • #10
                    I agree with the others. My hubby is not real outspoken, either, although he is learning...You could tell the Dr. he may discuss anything EXCEPT your pain control with your mom and then he can ask to speak privately with your husband. It might be a good idea, tho, for him to tell your mom the sometimes severe pain we ic'ers suffer and what measures have to be taken for us. One of the ic articles I read here likens the pain to end-stage cancer pain; might be good for her to read some of the articles, etc., from here from the various medical professionals. Good Luck to you, let us know how you are when you can.
                    Always try to do the right thing; it will astonish some people and gratify the rest- Mark Twain

                    DX: IC-2003, Systemic Lupus w/secondary Sjogren's-2009, Total Hysterectomy with BSO-2005, IBS-forever it seems, Renal Tubular Acidosis, Vitamin D deficiency-2008, Vulvar Vestibulitis-2002, Pudendal Neuralgia-2008
                    I also try and manage depression/anxiety, Migraines, Too many kidney stones to count-starting in 1991 to the present
                    I had my 1st urethral surgery at age 4, have had urethral syndrome from then on.
                    Failed treatments: Elmiron both instilled and oral caused severe increase in liver enzymes
                    Elavil and Ditropan-severe bladder retention
                    Currently on pain mgmt, lidocaine gel topically also gives some relief after initial 2-4 min burning when applied.
                    Prior treatment included pelvic floor therapy and TENS unit, both of which I still do as needed.