I have never seen anything like this on the boards, and I hope it is okay if I vent about this, I am not really sure if this is an appropriate place to post this. If it is not okay, I apoligize. But I really need some support, I am absoulutley hysterical, so here it goes.
My husband is an addict. Just last week he decided to get sober "again". So after a weekend (11/2-11/3) binge he once again went through beginning of rehabilitaion number I don't even know anymore.
We are completely broke. I try to manage the house and my medical bills on my disability but it is next to impossible. I am sure anyone who lives with the disease of addiction knows the total destruction that it causes. Anyway this past Saturday 11/9 he did it again. Did not come home until Sunday morning. So I have not said a word, but I have been very quiet and just made a comment about me not making the car payment(which is in his name) because if he did not care about anything why should I.
Well, that is when the verbal assault began. Everything is my fault. I am not supportive enough,everytime he tries to get sober,I screw it up, all I do is lay around and feel sorry for my self etc, etc. I take care of everything around here,I know deep down it is not my fault, I know addicts blame other people, but that does not make it any easier to take. He was making fun of my crying, he told me he hated me. He told me I just make my illness up, blah blah blah. Oh God, I am so upset.
I know I will never get better in this relationship, I know I just keep getting sicker and sicker living here, but he won't leave.
And I don't have the strength right now to. I have left before but ended up coming back, which makes me very mad, because I left before I got so sick and still had my great job, but like the fool that I am I always believed his empty promises and thought things would get better, what a jerk.
I know I am an idiot I am for staying. I am just so sick right now I can't even pack or get my things together let alone look for a new place to live. I have to much invested in here just to walk away from it all.
I don't have anyone that I can talk to about
this, so thats why I needed to get this out here. I am terrified.My life is a disaster.
I can't write anymore.Right now, thanks for listening. [img]frown.gif[/img]
My husband is an addict. Just last week he decided to get sober "again". So after a weekend (11/2-11/3) binge he once again went through beginning of rehabilitaion number I don't even know anymore.
We are completely broke. I try to manage the house and my medical bills on my disability but it is next to impossible. I am sure anyone who lives with the disease of addiction knows the total destruction that it causes. Anyway this past Saturday 11/9 he did it again. Did not come home until Sunday morning. So I have not said a word, but I have been very quiet and just made a comment about me not making the car payment(which is in his name) because if he did not care about anything why should I.
Well, that is when the verbal assault began. Everything is my fault. I am not supportive enough,everytime he tries to get sober,I screw it up, all I do is lay around and feel sorry for my self etc, etc. I take care of everything around here,I know deep down it is not my fault, I know addicts blame other people, but that does not make it any easier to take. He was making fun of my crying, he told me he hated me. He told me I just make my illness up, blah blah blah. Oh God, I am so upset.
I know I will never get better in this relationship, I know I just keep getting sicker and sicker living here, but he won't leave.
And I don't have the strength right now to. I have left before but ended up coming back, which makes me very mad, because I left before I got so sick and still had my great job, but like the fool that I am I always believed his empty promises and thought things would get better, what a jerk.
I know I am an idiot I am for staying. I am just so sick right now I can't even pack or get my things together let alone look for a new place to live. I have to much invested in here just to walk away from it all.
I don't have anyone that I can talk to about
this, so thats why I needed to get this out here. I am terrified.My life is a disaster.
I can't write anymore.Right now, thanks for listening. [img]frown.gif[/img]
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