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Qestion????
I am sooooooooooo confused. I've been sober for 14 years one month now. I managed to stay drug free until about 4 years ago when the pain got to be too much. My first step was to quit going to meetings because the physical pain was so bad that I actually had a very hard time getting there and once I was there I was so miserable that I couldn't sit thru a meeting that was 1-2 hours long.
Once I started taking pain medication I stopped going to the meeting altogether because I no longer felt like I was 'clean' so I didn't feel that I belonged there. I would sit at tables with people who were suffering absoluately undescribable pain who refused to take any type of pain medication at all as to not mess with their sobriety.
So, once I started needing my meds on a daily basis, I quit the meetings.
When do you know that you've crossed the line with your meds? I never 'run out' but there are times that the pain is so bad that I will take that one extra pain pill cuz I didn't need it yesterday. So, I do 'cheat' I guess you would call it. If the bottle says take 1-2 every 4-6 hours with a max of 6 a day, I don't pay any attention to the hour part but I do make sure that I don't exceed the 6 a day (my mother died from liver failure due to overuse of tylenol).
But, my pain meds alone are not enough. To 'boost' their strength I will take an ativan....and, at night when I can't sleep because of pain (which is basically every night) I 'boost' the pain meds with xanax and benedryl.
My only thought is making it thru the day and doing my best to get some kind of sleep at night. I don't take the meds to make me 'high'....they definately don't make me high, infact they basically make me feel like ****.
I've started to wonder if sometimes I'm not trying to kill emotional pain instead of physical pain and that's gotten me very confused the past few days.....I know that I've gone thru 2 major surgeries in the last 3 weeks and I'm expecting way too much of myself because I've always popped right back from surgery and this time I'm not. The more I physically try to do, the worse off I am.....for some reason I just can't park my *** on the couch and let my body have a chance to heal itself like I used to beable to.
Had a family function today and everyone was telling me how much weight I've lost and that my husband should start feeding me more but with the new pain meds and the new pamelor that my shrink has me on, I have absoluately no appetite at all.
I can go thru days where I don't need to add the ativan as a booster for the pain pills cuz the pills will work. There is not a night that I can go without taking the xanax with the pain meds in order to get sleep.
My dr has tried me on oxycontin and the pain patch....and it broke my heart because they both made me pain free. I became violently ill and couldn't take them so I am stuggling with percoset (which does help) but adding that 'boost'.
All's I want is to have one, just one good night's sleep. And, to beable to make it thru a day without any pain meds. Over the summer I did have a few days where I didn't need the pain pill OR the 'boost' but those days were few and far between.
Does anyone else struggle with this???? Does anyone else wonder if they have crossed that line and become addicted? I know that when I am sick and don't take my meds I get all shakey, cranky and irritable but I think that it's more because I'm refusing to treat my symptoms than anything else. IF I have no pain I CAN make it thru the day without my meds but those days sure don't happen very often.
I'm just SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO confused and need to know if anyone else struggles with these things
I've even been thinking about checking into rehab but what would be the sense of that if I would just have to come home and start using the meds in order to make it thru the day again
It's been such a struggle in my head....has anyone found a site where a recovering person who is going thru a chronic pain conditons and requires meds can go for support
thankx~
Once I started taking pain medication I stopped going to the meeting altogether because I no longer felt like I was 'clean' so I didn't feel that I belonged there. I would sit at tables with people who were suffering absoluately undescribable pain who refused to take any type of pain medication at all as to not mess with their sobriety.
So, once I started needing my meds on a daily basis, I quit the meetings.
When do you know that you've crossed the line with your meds? I never 'run out' but there are times that the pain is so bad that I will take that one extra pain pill cuz I didn't need it yesterday. So, I do 'cheat' I guess you would call it. If the bottle says take 1-2 every 4-6 hours with a max of 6 a day, I don't pay any attention to the hour part but I do make sure that I don't exceed the 6 a day (my mother died from liver failure due to overuse of tylenol).
But, my pain meds alone are not enough. To 'boost' their strength I will take an ativan....and, at night when I can't sleep because of pain (which is basically every night) I 'boost' the pain meds with xanax and benedryl.
My only thought is making it thru the day and doing my best to get some kind of sleep at night. I don't take the meds to make me 'high'....they definately don't make me high, infact they basically make me feel like ****.
I've started to wonder if sometimes I'm not trying to kill emotional pain instead of physical pain and that's gotten me very confused the past few days.....I know that I've gone thru 2 major surgeries in the last 3 weeks and I'm expecting way too much of myself because I've always popped right back from surgery and this time I'm not. The more I physically try to do, the worse off I am.....for some reason I just can't park my *** on the couch and let my body have a chance to heal itself like I used to beable to.
Had a family function today and everyone was telling me how much weight I've lost and that my husband should start feeding me more but with the new pain meds and the new pamelor that my shrink has me on, I have absoluately no appetite at all.
I can go thru days where I don't need to add the ativan as a booster for the pain pills cuz the pills will work. There is not a night that I can go without taking the xanax with the pain meds in order to get sleep.
My dr has tried me on oxycontin and the pain patch....and it broke my heart because they both made me pain free. I became violently ill and couldn't take them so I am stuggling with percoset (which does help) but adding that 'boost'.
All's I want is to have one, just one good night's sleep. And, to beable to make it thru a day without any pain meds. Over the summer I did have a few days where I didn't need the pain pill OR the 'boost' but those days were few and far between.
Does anyone else struggle with this???? Does anyone else wonder if they have crossed that line and become addicted? I know that when I am sick and don't take my meds I get all shakey, cranky and irritable but I think that it's more because I'm refusing to treat my symptoms than anything else. IF I have no pain I CAN make it thru the day without my meds but those days sure don't happen very often.
I'm just SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO confused and need to know if anyone else struggles with these things
I've even been thinking about checking into rehab but what would be the sense of that if I would just have to come home and start using the meds in order to make it thru the day again
It's been such a struggle in my head....has anyone found a site where a recovering person who is going thru a chronic pain conditons and requires meds can go for support
thankx~
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