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Emotional Screwed up
Life keeps throwing punches that I do not know how to take I have been clean off pain medicine for almost 5years. I am in recovery I go to meetings about once a month due to several reason or excuses somewould say. My sponsor is back using so no I do not have one any longer.I have not been to enough meetings this pass year to meet one.My life is in a consent turmoil I guess every one else is also. Last oct my daughter left her abusive, cheating husband who did porn in front of their child. Also had affairs with the baby in the house.
On her visit over the Thanksgiven holidays we discovered that she had some evidence of sexual abuses. So we took her to the doctor they agreed with us that it show some evidence but because the hymen had not been torn they did not do any thing ,even though she was red and swollen. they said she could have been left wet for to long she has been fully potty trained since she was almos 14 months. She has acted out sexually toward herself and others by touching on privates and other things and now the courts are going to let him have unsupervised visits with her.
I do not understand how they can do this to a child . She is in counseling now that she can talk good enough to understand the police said that maybe threw this they can get the visit stop
oh God how I need to num the thought of him hurting my grandbaby makes me physicial and mentally sick.
If this letter is deleted I understand and I want take it person just need to vent. I am going to the regular friday night meeting tommorow night but it is getting harder to stay clean .
please pray for us all. the minute to minute is all I am taking right now. Mark each one I am clean.
pain meds are so easy to get. Dr. do not really care that you can get addicted to them even when you start out taking them right that is how I strarted out taking them I did that for 8 yrs. then they stop taking the physical pain away so I ask for a stronger one then I like the fact that I did not feel emotions so I started taking when I needed to num then for every time I needed to get away from emotional stuff. I got to where I was taking twenty aday and wanting more.I had six doctors who gave them to me and used 6 pharmacy no insurance on but the most expensive ones so I would not get caught.
When I got clean the first thing I did was have every store flagged with in a 100 mile range to not allow me to get meds with out two doctors approval my counselor and family doctor that is one reason I clean today.
Lord know It is so easy to get the meds.My family doctor is also a recovering attack.
My body hurts tonight because I want to use so bad. Has any one else had this happen.
Sorry so long the load is so heavy I feel lost.
Katherine toilet
On her visit over the Thanksgiven holidays we discovered that she had some evidence of sexual abuses. So we took her to the doctor they agreed with us that it show some evidence but because the hymen had not been torn they did not do any thing ,even though she was red and swollen. they said she could have been left wet for to long she has been fully potty trained since she was almos 14 months. She has acted out sexually toward herself and others by touching on privates and other things and now the courts are going to let him have unsupervised visits with her.
I do not understand how they can do this to a child . She is in counseling now that she can talk good enough to understand the police said that maybe threw this they can get the visit stop
oh God how I need to num the thought of him hurting my grandbaby makes me physicial and mentally sick.
If this letter is deleted I understand and I want take it person just need to vent. I am going to the regular friday night meeting tommorow night but it is getting harder to stay clean .
please pray for us all. the minute to minute is all I am taking right now. Mark each one I am clean.
pain meds are so easy to get. Dr. do not really care that you can get addicted to them even when you start out taking them right that is how I strarted out taking them I did that for 8 yrs. then they stop taking the physical pain away so I ask for a stronger one then I like the fact that I did not feel emotions so I started taking when I needed to num then for every time I needed to get away from emotional stuff. I got to where I was taking twenty aday and wanting more.I had six doctors who gave them to me and used 6 pharmacy no insurance on but the most expensive ones so I would not get caught.
When I got clean the first thing I did was have every store flagged with in a 100 mile range to not allow me to get meds with out two doctors approval my counselor and family doctor that is one reason I clean today.
Lord know It is so easy to get the meds.My family doctor is also a recovering attack.
My body hurts tonight because I want to use so bad. Has any one else had this happen.
Sorry so long the load is so heavy I feel lost.
Katherine toilet
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