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Emotional Screwed up

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  • Emotional Screwed up

    Life keeps throwing punches that I do not know how to take I have been clean off pain medicine for almost 5years. I am in recovery I go to meetings about once a month due to several reason or excuses somewould say. My sponsor is back using so no I do not have one any longer.I have not been to enough meetings this pass year to meet one.My life is in a consent turmoil I guess every one else is also. Last oct my daughter left her abusive, cheating husband who did porn in front of their child. Also had affairs with the baby in the house.
    On her visit over the Thanksgiven holidays we discovered that she had some evidence of sexual abuses. So we took her to the doctor they agreed with us that it show some evidence but because the hymen had not been torn they did not do any thing ,even though she was red and swollen. they said she could have been left wet for to long she has been fully potty trained since she was almos 14 months. She has acted out sexually toward herself and others by touching on privates and other things and now the courts are going to let him have unsupervised visits with her.
    I do not understand how they can do this to a child . She is in counseling now that she can talk good enough to understand the police said that maybe threw this they can get the visit stop
    oh God how I need to num the thought of him hurting my grandbaby makes me physicial and mentally sick.
    If this letter is deleted I understand and I want take it person just need to vent. I am going to the regular friday night meeting tommorow night but it is getting harder to stay clean .
    please pray for us all. the minute to minute is all I am taking right now. Mark each one I am clean.
    pain meds are so easy to get. Dr. do not really care that you can get addicted to them even when you start out taking them right that is how I strarted out taking them I did that for 8 yrs. then they stop taking the physical pain away so I ask for a stronger one then I like the fact that I did not feel emotions so I started taking when I needed to num then for every time I needed to get away from emotional stuff. I got to where I was taking twenty aday and wanting more.I had six doctors who gave them to me and used 6 pharmacy no insurance on but the most expensive ones so I would not get caught.
    When I got clean the first thing I did was have every store flagged with in a 100 mile range to not allow me to get meds with out two doctors approval my counselor and family doctor that is one reason I clean today.
    Lord know It is so easy to get the meds.My family doctor is also a recovering attack.
    My body hurts tonight because I want to use so bad. Has any one else had this happen.
    Sorry so long the load is so heavy I feel lost.
    Katherine toilet
    Life is what you Make It .By being kind to every one and all creatures your life will be more pleasant. Live your life for GOD and if it were the last day you were alive becausse it maybe.

  • #2
    Oh, Katherine. I have felt similarly during my recovery. I am so glad you are going to a meeting. Taking care of yourself will enable you to better support your family.

    I heard a great analogy along those lines: it spoke of passengers on airplanes who were flying with a small child being told to put on their OWN oxygen mask FIRST in an emergency so that they can then better help the child. My meetings and my program are my oxygen mask.

    When we feel sooooo lost and in pain that addiction can lie to us and make it seem that the drugs will make it better. We know deep down that it will make it WORSE in the end. I had the worst coping skills ever when I was drinking. I have to go to meetings regularly to be reminded who I am, what this disease is, and what it will do to me.

    I had a period during which I was very complacent about going to meetings. I didn't want to use during that time, but I knew I could feel a lot better emotionally if I was going to meetings regularly. Somehow God got me back in and I do feel much better emotionally and I can deal with the things life throws my way so much more effectively. I didn't even realize when I was rarely going to meetings how much I was lacking.

    I will pray for you and I hope you find a way to go to meetings and talk to people there about wanting to use. Remember, there is nothing a drink or a drug won't make WORSE!!!!!!!!!! Don't believe the lie.

    Diagnosed August 2001

    Current IC meds: Elmiron (since 2001), Levaquin (one pill after intercourse to prevent UTIs), Effexor (for depression & anxiety)

    Past IC meds: Amitriptyline (Elavil), Hydroxyzine (Vistaril), Detrol LA, Lexapro (for depression & anxiety, but also helped my IC) (They all helped, but I was able to discontinue them.)

    I've been virtually symptom free and able to eat & drink whatever I'd like for about 8 years now.


    “We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.” ~ Viktor Frankl

    “You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.” ~ Brian Tracy


    • #3
      Please dont use. It is not worth it. I need to get back to my meetings too. It has helped me tremoundsly. Prayers are being sent up. clean from xanax for 12 and half years now. Meetings, calling a program friend helps. There are online meetings too and programs online too if you can't get out to a face to face meeting. Just a suggestion. Hugs to everyone. Hang in there. there is always hope.
      Hang in there , There is hope.
      There is hope. Prayer works.

      Love, Debbie