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Awful joke, couldn't resist
I have no idea why this popped into my head last night; it's a joke my father told me when I was about 11 or 12, and I haven't heard it since. I don't know where he heard it, or why he told it to me, unless maybe he was trying to help me figure out homonyms. Anyway, now I can't stop thinking about it so you're all going to have it inflicted on you, too. 
A woman goes to her doctor for her annual checkup, and complains of stomach pains and a rash. After extensive testing, the doctor calls the woman and tells her, "Good news, we've found the cause of your problems. You are allergic to peas. Just don't eat any peas, and you will be fine."
Now, as it happened, peas were one of this woman's favorite foods. So every year at her annual checkup, she asked the doctor to re-test her in case the allergy had gone away. Five years, ten, fifteen years, the woman's allergy test was always positive. Finally, after twenty years, the doctor told the woman, "Congratulations, you're no longer allergic to peas."
Well, that evening the woman was going to a banquet. As she moved along the buffet line, she saw that among the offered vegetables was a large bowl of creamed peas. "Oh!" she said, to the gentleman behind her, "I haven't had a pea in twenty years."
So the man turned and called out to the crowd, "IF YOU CAN'T SWIM, HANG ON TO THE CHANDELIERS!"
A woman goes to her doctor for her annual checkup, and complains of stomach pains and a rash. After extensive testing, the doctor calls the woman and tells her, "Good news, we've found the cause of your problems. You are allergic to peas. Just don't eat any peas, and you will be fine."
Now, as it happened, peas were one of this woman's favorite foods. So every year at her annual checkup, she asked the doctor to re-test her in case the allergy had gone away. Five years, ten, fifteen years, the woman's allergy test was always positive. Finally, after twenty years, the doctor told the woman, "Congratulations, you're no longer allergic to peas."
Well, that evening the woman was going to a banquet. As she moved along the buffet line, she saw that among the offered vegetables was a large bowl of creamed peas. "Oh!" she said, to the gentleman behind her, "I haven't had a pea in twenty years."
So the man turned and called out to the crowd, "IF YOU CAN'T SWIM, HANG ON TO THE CHANDELIERS!"
On the Beach with IC 
Could it be that your dad had a premonition?
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