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Bestt.. noo.. Breast Humor!

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  • Bestt.. noo.. Breast Humor!

    (We just found this on another website... and it was so funny, we thought we'd post it here! Enjoy.. and I apologize in advance if this is offensive.) - Jill

    This is a cute way to send "the message"! There is a serious
    message at the end, but you get to laugh on the way there. Now go out and have your mammies grammed!


    Perfect Breasts
    (o)(o)

    Fake Silicone Breasts
    ( + )( + )

    Perky Breasts
    (*)(*)

    Big Nipple Breasts
    (@)(@)


    A Cups
    o o

    D Cups
    { O }{ O }

    Wonder Bra Breasts
    (oYo)

    Cold Breasts
    ( ^ )( ^ )

    Lopsided Breasts
    (o)(O)

    Pierced Nipple Breasts
    (Q)(O)

    Hanging Tassels Breasts
    (p)(p)

    Grandma's Breasts
    \ o /\ o /

    Against The Shower Door Breasts
    ( )( )

    Android Breasts
    | o | | o |

    Mammogram Breasts
    ___ ___


    For years and years they told me,
    Be ! careful of your breasts.
    Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
    And give them monthly tests.


    So I heeded all their warnings,
    And protected them by law.
    Guarded them very carefully,
    And I always wore my bra.


    After 30 years of astute care,
    My gyno, Dr. Pruitt,
    Said I should get a Mammogram
    "O.K," I said, "let's do it."


    "Stand up here real close" she said,
    (She got my boob in line),
    "And tell me when it hurts," she said,
    "Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."


    She stepped upon a pedal,
    I could not believe my eyes!
    A plastic plate came slamming down,
    My hooter's in a vise!


    My skin was stretched and mangled,
    From underneath my chin.
    My poor boob was being squashed,
    To Swedish Pancake thin.


    Excruciating pain I felt,
    Within it's vise-like grip.
    A prisoner in this vicious thing,
    My poor defenseless tit!


    "Take a deep breath" she said to me,
    Who does she think she's kidding?!?
    My chest is mashed in her machine,
    And woozy I am getting.


    "There, that's good," I heard her say,
    (The room was slowly swaying.)
    "Now, let's have a go at the other one."
    Have mercy, I was praying.


    It squeezed me from both up and down,
    It squeez! ed me from both sides.
    I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,
    To HER tender little hide.


    Next time that they make me do this,
    I will request a blindfold.
    I have no wish to see again,
    My knockers getting steam rolled.


    If I had no problem when I came in,
    I surely have one now.
    If there had been a cyst in there,
    It would have gone "ker-pow!"


    ! ; This machine was created by a man,
    Of this, I have no doubt.
    I'd like to stick his balls in there,
    And see how THEY come out!
    Would you like to talk with someone about your IC struggles? The ICN now offers personal coaching sessions that include myself, Julie Beyer RD on the diet and Dr. Heather Howard on Sexuality. http://www.icnsales.com/icn-personal-coaching/

    Looking for books, magazines & reports on IC? Please visit the ICN Shop at: http://www.icnsales.com: Your ICN subscription & purchases in our shop support these message boards, chats and special events. BECOME AN ICN ANGEL TODAY!

    Please remember that the information on the ICN is provided with the understanding that ICN, its founder, staff, volunteers, and participants are not engaged in rendering medical or professional medical services. We cannot and do not give medical advice. Only your personal physician can do this for you.







  • #2
    LOL that is too funny! lmao lmao lmao
    Mommy to 2 crazy, wonderful kids and wife to the most amazing man in the world!

    Comment


    • #3
      lmao lmao lmao

      I can hardly type, I am laughing so hard. Jill, that is the best ever. Thank you for the much needed belly laugh.

      lmao lmao lmao
      Sharon

      Shopping??? Did someone mention shopping? I'll get my hat... ;-)

      Where I can be found most days.



      Link to the ICN Patient Handbook:
      http://www.ic-network.com/handbook/

      Link to the IC Diet:
      http://www.ic-network.com/diet/


      IC Volunteers are not medical authorities nor do we offer medical advice. In all cases, we strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.

      Comment


      • #4
        Great post Jill. lmao lmao
        Oh by the way thanks for the bathroom humor board back!
        Medicine taken daily or as needed:
        1. Heaprin and Marcaine rescue installment 1 to 3x daily as needed.
        2. MS.Cotin 100mg 3x daily
        3. MSIR 30mg 1 or 2 every 4-6hrs as needed for breakthrew pain.
        4. Fentanyl 100 mg Change every 48hrs.
        5. Gentamicin 80mg install after each rescue treatment
        5 Leviquin 500mg self start as needed.
        6. Klonopin 1 or 2 daily as needed.
        7. Prosed/DS as 1 every 6hrs as needed.





        I have IC, but IC doesn't have me anymore!

        Comment


        • #5
          lmao..... that was funny as hell
          brat
          'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'

          Comment


          • #6
            Jill. that was priceless, I had such a good laugh, thanks for posting Iris. lmao lmao lmao lmao
            Today and every day you are loved, so don't be anxious about tomorrow, God will take care of you tomorrow; Live one day at a time.

            Comment


            • #7
              Thanks so much for that post. It was great and so true. During my last mammogram the technician told me to hold my breath and "don't go anywhere". Excuse me, but where was I going to go? My breast was stuck in a vise-like machine, I was standing on my tippy-toes, I couldn't breath, and I was half undressed! Trust me, even though I wanted to, I was not about to escape. scream

              Jeanne

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