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Crazy lawyer questions (How did they pass the bar exam?)

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  • Crazy lawyer questions (How did they pass the bar exam?)

    Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers journal, the following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses:

    Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

    Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

    Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

    Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

    Q: Did he kill you?

    Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

    Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

    Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

    Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And what were you doing at that time?

    Q: She had three children, right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?
    A: None.
    Q: Were there any girls?

    Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

    Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
    A: I went to Europe, Sir.
    Q: And you took your new wife?

    Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

    Q: Can you describe the individual?
    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

    Q: Was this a male, or a female?

    Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

    Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

    Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    A: Oral.

    Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
    A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

    Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

    Q: You were not shot in the fracas?
    A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel

    AND SAVING THE BEST FOR LAST:

    Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
    A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
    Pikkumyy - special ed teacher, wife, wild animal rehabber, and PFD patient since the horrible kidney infection of 2000. In remission since 9/04

  • #2
    Hi everyone,

    I just wanted to thank you all for the fine jokes. Had me laughing and my husband was giving me puzzled looks.

    Nothing like some laughter during yet another UTI!

    EMily
    Pikkumyy - special ed teacher, wife, wild animal rehabber, and PFD patient since the horrible kidney infection of 2000. In remission since 9/04

    Comment


    • #3
      I wanted to be a lawyer... after all these years I could have? lol these are just too funny....
      Brat
      'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'

      Comment


      • #4


        I had come across some of these before in an e-mail and thought they were funny then. Thanks for reviving and sharing them. Really does makes you wonder about lawyers doesn't it??
        Carley

        They that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.---Isaiah 40:31

        Comment


        • #5
          very funny thanks for shareing.
          Medicine taken daily or as needed:
          1. Heaprin and Marcaine rescue installment 1 to 3x daily as needed.
          2. MS.Cotin 100mg 3x daily
          3. MSIR 30mg 1 or 2 every 4-6hrs as needed for breakthrew pain.
          4. Fentanyl 100 mg Change every 48hrs.
          5. Gentamicin 80mg install after each rescue treatment
          5 Leviquin 500mg self start as needed.
          6. Klonopin 1 or 2 daily as needed.
          7. Prosed/DS as 1 every 6hrs as needed.





          I have IC, but IC doesn't have me anymore!

          Comment


          • #6
            Those are hysterical! I think I would run out of the court room if my lawyer started asking me questions like that!
            "Give what you have. To someone else it may be better than you dare to think."
            -Longfellow

            History of IC, Vulvodynia, Endometriosis, Adenomyosis, Polycystic Ovaries, and Cyst's on my Spine.
            Update as of 6/27/07- Endo, Adenomyosis & Polycystic Ovaries are gone because I had a Hysterectomy in May of 2005! Still battling IC and what was thought to be Vulvodynia, now thought to be PNE.
            Meds: Paxil 40 for IC, Clonazepam 1 for Restless Leg Syndrome, Seroquel 100 for Bipolar, and pain pills as needed.

            You can find more info on me here:
            www.bellaperlina.etsy.com
            www.bellaperlina.blogspot.com

            Comment


            • #7
              I totally agree with that i would leave too LOL
              Medicine taken daily or as needed:
              1. Heaprin and Marcaine rescue installment 1 to 3x daily as needed.
              2. MS.Cotin 100mg 3x daily
              3. MSIR 30mg 1 or 2 every 4-6hrs as needed for breakthrew pain.
              4. Fentanyl 100 mg Change every 48hrs.
              5. Gentamicin 80mg install after each rescue treatment
              5 Leviquin 500mg self start as needed.
              6. Klonopin 1 or 2 daily as needed.
              7. Prosed/DS as 1 every 6hrs as needed.





              I have IC, but IC doesn't have me anymore!

              Comment


              • #8
                OMG those were too funny!!!
                Mommy to 2 crazy, wonderful kids and wife to the most amazing man in the world!

                Comment


                • #9
                  LOL Those were good ones.Thank you for sharing.
                  michelle

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Best laugh I've had in awhile
                    Kadi

                    -------------------------------------------------------------
                    I am not a medical authority nor do I offer medical advice. In all cases, I strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.
                    ------------------------------------------------------


                    New favorite quote: "God gives us only what we can handle. Apparently God thinks I'm a bad-ass" ~Author Unknown
                    Source - Pinterest
                    "


                    Current treatments:
                    -IC diet
                    -Elavil 50mg at night
                    -Continuous use birth control pills (4-5 periods/year)
                    -Heparin/Marcaine/Sodium Bicarb home instills at night 3-4x per week, more often if needed
                    -Pyridium if needed,
                    -Pain medicine at bedtime daily, as needed during the day several times per week
                    -Antibiotic when doing an instillation to prevent UTI
                    -Colace & SmartFiber to treat chronic constipation from meds, Fleet enema as needed
                    -Dye Free Benadryl 50 mg at bedtime
                    -"Your Pace Yoga: Relieving Pelvic Pain" dvd, walking, treadmill at gym
                    -Managing stress= VERY important!
                    -Fur therapy: Hugging the cat!

                    Comment


                    • #11

                      Absolutely funny! That was just what I needed to bring me back from a horrible day. And the sad thing is it's still morning and my day is poop. Thanks for the much needed laugh.:thumbsup:
                      Cali

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