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A good answer for insensitive questions

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  • A good answer for insensitive questions

    I'm sure you have been asked questions out of the blue that probbably left you down.
    I work fulltime and I'm very gratefull for that and for the people I work with.
    However There are good days and bad days and I get these questions or comments many times:

    Why are you wearing only skirts lately?

    You are so skinny!? Have you lost weight?

    I didn't know you had so much gray hair!

    Have you gained weight?

    Why don't you smile? (when I'm in pain and still trying to do my work)

    At social events:

    Why are you just drinking water? (over and over)

    I know that these questions are harmless and not bad intentioned, however, sometimes, they come at a bad time and I wish not to hear them because it reminds me of IC and that I've changed.
    I can't give a full report to each person asking why I'm wearing this or why I'm going to the ladies room so many times?
    At the end, those questions/comments used to bring me down. Well.... not anymore. Now I just answer something vague and short, I smile, and tell them "THANK YOU FOR KEEPING TRACK". This last phrase works like a charm. I don't get those annoying questions after, at least not from the same person.
    I know you don't have to have IC to get insensitive questions here and there, when I was single people kept asking me why I didn't have a boyfriend? It started to get annoying at one point.

    A guy I know who uses a chair cushion for back pain kept getting questions or comments about it at work. Finally he just answered: this cushion is for farts. LOL. I just love how he answered and how he turned things around so freely.

    What is more important, we can't allow questions or comments to bring us down. Remember that it is our choice to allow them to change our mood or not. Since we have a lot to deal with already, please choose not to get affected by any of that.
    Laser cervical surgery after abnormal pap (moderate dysplasia) in 3/2004
    UTIs since mid 2004
    Recurrent yeast infections since mid 2005
    IC dx 3/2006
    V V dx 12/2006
    Other conditions: IBS, allergies, dry eyes.


    Current IC medications:
    Elavil (since 12/06) 10 mg;
    Cysta Q (since 5/07)
    Rephresh acid jel every 3 days
    D-mannose, fish oil, Calcium Citrate, Multivitamins & garlic pills (sometimes)
    Probiotics Femdophilus or other brands
    Gy-Na-Tren for yeast infections (started using it as needed since 2010)
    Other Rx:Omeprazole 20mg; benadryl as needed, Restasis


    Past Meds and why I stopped them:
    Elmiron: March to September 2006: headaches
    Lyrica:2 weeks in 2006: headaches
    Cystoprotek: from Jan to April 2007: nausea

    Femcon Fe (2/07 to 10/07):caused spotting/bleeding
    BCP:Loestrin (since Ocotber 2007) to stop spotting for 2 months. V V worse. Stopped the pill in Nov 07.


    "Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it"

  • #2
    OHHHHHHHHHH I love that answer...feisty yet subtle. I give it a whirl! Thanks!

    Erika
    IC diagnosed officially via cysto/urodynamics 1/26/07

    Grade II Endometriosis diagnosed via lap 12/11/07

    "Fall down seven times, Stand up eight."

    "Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think."

    Current Treatments:
    Interstim Since 5/25/07!
    Birth Control

    Comment


    • #3
      If someone was rude enough to me to inquire about my weight (added pounds) or gray hair, I'd point out to them their gray hair or how long they've been draggin' that wagon LOL.
      Mommy to 2 crazy, wonderful kids and wife to the most amazing man in the world!

      Comment


      • #4
        ANSWERS:
        Why are you wearing only skirts lately? ANSWER: "Because I have great legs and wanted everyone to notice, so thanks for noticing!"

        You are so skinny!? Have you lost weight? "Why yes...I was just on my hamster wheel this morning but thank you for noticing, it also goes along with my skirt wearing!"

        I didn't know you had so much gray hair! "Well Marie Claire says its the newest look this spring/summer/fall/winter - thought I'd give it a go!" LMAO!

        Have you gained weight? (good lord...NEVER appropriate to ask anyone). My response if outside of the workplace to a man would be "No, has your penis gotten smaller?" and to a woman would be "No..have you gotten a boob job?" That should shut them up pretty quickly. As for inside the workplace...uhm...I havent a clue as I'd still want to say the above to them regardless. LOL

        Why don't you smile? (when I'm in pain and still trying to do my work) "I am..on the inside - see?" (and then point to somewhere on your body)

        At social events:

        Why are you just drinking water? (over and over) "I'm not, I put vodka in my water bottle soas not to look like a lush" LOL!



        Best I could do on such short notice I hate people like that...sheesh! I hope things get better for you.

        Hugs,
        Brittany

        Comment


        • #5
          LOL Thanks Brittany, I loved your responses...too funny... I'll use them along with my :"Thank You For Keeping Track" magic pharse!
          Laser cervical surgery after abnormal pap (moderate dysplasia) in 3/2004
          UTIs since mid 2004
          Recurrent yeast infections since mid 2005
          IC dx 3/2006
          V V dx 12/2006
          Other conditions: IBS, allergies, dry eyes.


          Current IC medications:
          Elavil (since 12/06) 10 mg;
          Cysta Q (since 5/07)
          Rephresh acid jel every 3 days
          D-mannose, fish oil, Calcium Citrate, Multivitamins & garlic pills (sometimes)
          Probiotics Femdophilus or other brands
          Gy-Na-Tren for yeast infections (started using it as needed since 2010)
          Other Rx:Omeprazole 20mg; benadryl as needed, Restasis


          Past Meds and why I stopped them:
          Elmiron: March to September 2006: headaches
          Lyrica:2 weeks in 2006: headaches
          Cystoprotek: from Jan to April 2007: nausea

          Femcon Fe (2/07 to 10/07):caused spotting/bleeding
          BCP:Loestrin (since Ocotber 2007) to stop spotting for 2 months. V V worse. Stopped the pill in Nov 07.


          "Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it"

          Comment


          • #6
            Well I agree, most of the time they are harmless....esp. about being skinny, that's more of a compliment in these times of fad diets and excercise crazes....anybody who knows me personally, genuinely wants to know how I'm doing....Nobody I know has actually been that forward to ask me ignorant question....they know better....

            and those poor clods who do ask questions like that get answers like

            In regard to skirts: " why does it bother you?" :::grin::::

            skinnyness/weightloss "Thanks. I've been on a limited diet, so that must be it" and I turn away and talk to someone more interesting.

            Have you gained weight: (yeah, um no one I know would ask this in their right mind, but those who do: my response would be a four letter word plus the word "off" and the bird flipped in their direction.

            re drinking water: "Why am I drinking water? Why not? Why so I can be an aloholic lush like you" followed with giggles and grins.

            For those idiots out there, for the most part I try to be nice, and come back with back handed comments....where on the surface its a joke....but once they think about...its like "duh, you a$$hat. did you really hear yourself?"
            Somewhere there's a reason /Why things go like they do /Somewhere there's a reason /Why some things just fall through /We don't always see them /For what they really are /But I know there's a reason /Just can't see it from this far /Maybe I don't like it, /But I have no choice /I know that somewhere, /Someone hears my voice / I thought I knew it all /I thought I had it made /How could it end this way? /I thought I knew Somewhere there's a reason /Why things don't go my way /Somewhere there's a reason /That I cannot explain /Just like the change of season, /Just may not be my turn /But I know there's a reason, /The lesson's mine to learn

            Comment


            • #7
              Brittany,

              i loved your feedback! Great comebacks!

              I HATE the skinny remarks! It is just as offensive to a tiny person as it is for someone who is overweight to be constantly scrutinized and have "skinny" remarks made. Whenever I go to a work function where lunch is available, I used to really eat alot (before IC diet and everyone would make comments like, "Look at the skinny girl eat. It makes me sick!"

              I have thick skin but after awhile it does get annoying.
              Mimi~

              Currently battling:
              Migraines
              IC
              Panic attacks/Anxiety Disorder


              Current Treatments:
              Pain Meds and Anxiety Meds
              Gentle Physical Therapy
              Yoga
              Heating Pad~my best friend
              Lots of hot baths w/ Epsom Salts & Baking Soda
              Tens Unit
              Prayer

              Comment


              • #8
                If really annoyed, I sometimes will say, "Now, why would you think it's ok to ask me/say something like that?" & walk off.

                Usually I give a vague answer & change the subject to something we both can relate to. Sometimes people are just clumsy, but when they're just plain rude, they may get the first answer.
                Kadi

                -------------------------------------------------------------
                I am not a medical authority nor do I offer medical advice. In all cases, I strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.
                ------------------------------------------------------


                New favorite quote: "God gives us only what we can handle. Apparently God thinks I'm a bad-ass" ~Author Unknown
                Source - Pinterest
                "


                Current treatments:
                -IC diet
                -Elavil 50mg at night
                -Continuous use birth control pills (4-5 periods/year)
                -Heparin/Marcaine/Sodium Bicarb home instills at night 3-4x per week, more often if needed
                -Pyridium if needed,
                -Pain medicine at bedtime daily, as needed during the day several times per week
                -Antibiotic when doing an instillation to prevent UTI
                -Colace & SmartFiber to treat chronic constipation from meds, Fleet enema as needed
                -Dye Free Benadryl 50 mg at bedtime
                -"Your Pace Yoga: Relieving Pelvic Pain" dvd, walking, treadmill at gym
                -Managing stress= VERY important!
                -Fur therapy: Hugging the cat!

                Comment


                • #9
                  I get questions all the time about why I go to the bathroom all the time at work. My standard response is that I just sit on the pot to clear my head. I joke that it is the only time I don't get bothered and can take a breathe. Of course if you feel comfortable with someone there is no reason why you can't tell them the whole story. They may not understand but at least they will be a little more thoughtful with their questions.
                  Take care~
                  Janelle
                  I am a soul whose intentions are good.
                  Oh Lord please don't let me be misunderstood.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Look at your watch as if you're getting ready to time them in an event and say "on your mark. get set. GO AWAY!"

                    D
                    Last edited by dg2901; 06-27-2007, 04:36 PM. Reason: cant type!
                    (\__/)
                    (o.O )
                    (> < ) This is Bunny. He's on his way to world domination.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Now that's funny!
                      Kadi

                      -------------------------------------------------------------
                      I am not a medical authority nor do I offer medical advice. In all cases, I strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.
                      ------------------------------------------------------


                      New favorite quote: "God gives us only what we can handle. Apparently God thinks I'm a bad-ass" ~Author Unknown
                      Source - Pinterest
                      "


                      Current treatments:
                      -IC diet
                      -Elavil 50mg at night
                      -Continuous use birth control pills (4-5 periods/year)
                      -Heparin/Marcaine/Sodium Bicarb home instills at night 3-4x per week, more often if needed
                      -Pyridium if needed,
                      -Pain medicine at bedtime daily, as needed during the day several times per week
                      -Antibiotic when doing an instillation to prevent UTI
                      -Colace & SmartFiber to treat chronic constipation from meds, Fleet enema as needed
                      -Dye Free Benadryl 50 mg at bedtime
                      -"Your Pace Yoga: Relieving Pelvic Pain" dvd, walking, treadmill at gym
                      -Managing stress= VERY important!
                      -Fur therapy: Hugging the cat!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        my response for why i go to the bathroom all the time is
                        "your tiddy bowl man is cuter than mine"

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Oh, I used to get that question ("Why do you go the bathroom...) SO often before I finally stopped working. I usually would just smile in response. Although once I sort of cracked, and said, "Why, is there a limit?"

                          But it is not just us, it's not just IC. People will ask about anything. I have only one child, so sometimes people will demand to know "How can you deprive your child of the experience of having a sibling?" or, "Didn't you want to have more children?" I never knew what to say to that, until one day a friend of mine was asked the same thing and she just said, very coolly, "Well, I'll tell my husband you wanted to know." I don't know why this works so well, but it sends people scurrying.

                          As for questions about my fluctuating weight, usually I just stare at the person and say, "I'm sorry, WHAT did you just ask me?" Generally they back down.
                          Je vous souhaite de la joie, de la bonne santée, et tout ce qu'il y a de bon dans la vie.
                          Wishing you happiness and good health, and all the best out of life.

                          Peace, Carolyn
                          ___________________________________________________

                          Laura (11), Susannah (12 1/2) and Maman (that's me!), North Wildwood NJ, September 2007


                          On the Beach with IC

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Love the stories and needed the info! I am not allowed to say anything at work about my illness, yet the dumb questions keep-a coming! I just say I am tired or it's been a long day when I actually am hurting.
                            My big pet peeve lately is seeing well meaning aquientences (usually with kids) who keep asking when we are having more, or why we only have two kids, etc. That is driving me nuts and has happened this summer more times than I want to count! I usually laugh it off and say "two kids keep us on our toes as it is". To be honest I would love more, but the timing is not right with all my medical issues and our financial situation and may never be. And I am very happy with having to beautiful little girls. But that is no ones business! I think sometimes people (especially those who don't know you well) are well meaning and just trying to start a conversation.
                            I love the "fart" cushion response! People give me the weirdest looks when I take mine to events, theaters, work meetings, and even hospitals and doctor's offices! It seems that they would at least think it is for back pain, but I guess one should never assume, right? LOL!
                            Rachel
                            DX's:
                            IC; PFD; possible Fibromyalgia; IBS;

                            Symptoms: Frequency, Urgency, pelvic and bladder pain, bladder and pelvic spasms, difficulty starting urination, weak stream, incontinence, vaginal and urethral pain

                            I've Tried:
                            three Hydrodistentions, various Rescue Installments; 6 DSMO treatments; Pyridium Plus; Proced; Detrol (patch); Elavil; Uricet K; Elmiron; Nortiptyline; Ultram; Allegra; Ditropan; Ditropan ER; Vesicare; regular Lidocain; Neurontin; Lyrica; and few more I can't remember!
                            Currently using:
                            Valium; Vicadin; Proced DS; Claritin; Buffered Lidocain; Cymbalta; Baclofen; Prazosin @ night (also on Prednisone and Adderall for my joint pain and severe fatigue)
                            Heating pads; frozen water bottles; A&D ointment; Poise pads; IC dieter since 8/06; yoga; imagery & relaxation CD, Mindfullness, self healing CD's; hot baths; seat cushion; prayer
                            I am 28 yrs old, dx'ed in '06, still trying to get my health undercontrol!!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I was only able to have one child and got the rude "why would you choose to have an only child? - it's not fair to the child" comment more times than I could possibly count. I had two responses I gave. Which one I used depended on how much information I wished to give or how nasty the person questioning me had acted. My responses were:

                              1) I was pregnant 3 times, but lost 2 of my babies. I am so blessed and thankful to have one beautiful child. Why would I be ungrateful about that? It was God's decision, not mine.

                              2) When you get it right the first time, you don't have to keep trying to do it better.

                              Love all the frequency question come-backs!!! Hope I can remember them the next time I need an answer to that question.
                              Annie

                              IC
                              Ulcerative Colitis and IBS
                              Pelvic Floor Dysfunction

                              _________________________________________________________
                              Retirement is great! Work is highly overrated!!!
                              ---My dear hubby

                              ________________________________________________________
                              Never go to a doctor whose office plants are dead.
                              ---Unknown

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