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A good answer for insensitive questions

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  • mayray
    replied
    skinny remarks

    ignore the skinny remarks. most of it comes from jealous women I have noticed. One obese woman at work used to tell me Id blow away with the wind for years. At 5 2 and 105 I felt I was at a good weight. i finally told her one day "You will hold your ground, you'll never blow away" and she got the hint.

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  • babygirlh1
    replied
    I find it quite shocking that some people would ask such questions. However, I have a few co-workers who know about my illness and they have told me about their own illnesses. Sometimes those folks will comment about me losing weight or comment on their own weight. In those instances, I know that it is more of a "checking" on me.

    However, if someone that I was not close or friendly with continued to ask those questions over and over then I woulld go to my HR manager and ask her for advice. Some office politics tolerate some comments better than others.

    I love the response Thank you for keeping track....because it doesn't give any info on your condition and it can me somewhat funny. I think that would keep you from offending the wrong person.

    Can you imagine if someone had cancer and lost their hair to chemo and one of these idiots would say something like - why are you bald???? People's stupidity amazes me.

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  • Berkshire Road
    replied
    Thanks, Annie.

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  • kadi
    replied
    I'm a teacher and one time too many a girl in my class asked me why I don't have any children. She bugged past my usual response of "You guys are my kids." or "We're working on learning Spanish right now, not my personal life."
    I just looked at the girl and said, "Because I can't."
    I wouldn't normally do that, but I'd just had enough.
    Shocked silence in the room.
    Question not asked again.
    I'd normally not do that though, because it is a level of personal disclosure that borders on unprofessional, but in this one situation, I think it was a good lesson for this particular class that some things in life ARE larger than a flip answer & some things shouldn't be asked of acquaintances in public. Be careful what you ask. You may not be prepared for the answer. These were basically nice kids though, some classes could have turned that situation really nasty & crude, but these kids were just immature & clueless, not mean.

    I'm often tempted to reply that 90 teenagers a semester is excellent birth control, but I do actually like them & think it might hurt some of their feelings, so I go more for the changing the subject option.

    Come to think of it, that's become a very handy strategy for me since getting IC. Change the subject when asked why I don't travel internationally any more, why I'm not eating, why I'm going to the bathroom so often, why I can't say yes to everything people want, why I'm not married, why this, why that.

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  • Annie2
    replied
    I was only able to have one child and got the rude "why would you choose to have an only child? - it's not fair to the child" comment more times than I could possibly count. I had two responses I gave. Which one I used depended on how much information I wished to give or how nasty the person questioning me had acted. My responses were:

    1) I was pregnant 3 times, but lost 2 of my babies. I am so blessed and thankful to have one beautiful child. Why would I be ungrateful about that? It was God's decision, not mine.

    2) When you get it right the first time, you don't have to keep trying to do it better.

    Love all the frequency question come-backs!!! Hope I can remember them the next time I need an answer to that question.

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  • RAS6
    replied
    Love the stories and needed the info! I am not allowed to say anything at work about my illness, yet the dumb questions keep-a coming! I just say I am tired or it's been a long day when I actually am hurting.
    My big pet peeve lately is seeing well meaning aquientences (usually with kids) who keep asking when we are having more, or why we only have two kids, etc. That is driving me nuts and has happened this summer more times than I want to count! I usually laugh it off and say "two kids keep us on our toes as it is". To be honest I would love more, but the timing is not right with all my medical issues and our financial situation and may never be. And I am very happy with having to beautiful little girls. But that is no ones business! I think sometimes people (especially those who don't know you well) are well meaning and just trying to start a conversation.
    I love the "fart" cushion response! People give me the weirdest looks when I take mine to events, theaters, work meetings, and even hospitals and doctor's offices! It seems that they would at least think it is for back pain, but I guess one should never assume, right? LOL!

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  • Berkshire Road
    replied
    Oh, I used to get that question ("Why do you go the bathroom...) SO often before I finally stopped working. I usually would just smile in response. Although once I sort of cracked, and said, "Why, is there a limit?"

    But it is not just us, it's not just IC. People will ask about anything. I have only one child, so sometimes people will demand to know "How can you deprive your child of the experience of having a sibling?" or, "Didn't you want to have more children?" I never knew what to say to that, until one day a friend of mine was asked the same thing and she just said, very coolly, "Well, I'll tell my husband you wanted to know." I don't know why this works so well, but it sends people scurrying.

    As for questions about my fluctuating weight, usually I just stare at the person and say, "I'm sorry, WHAT did you just ask me?" Generally they back down.

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  • minniesmom
    replied
    my response for why i go to the bathroom all the time is
    "your tiddy bowl man is cuter than mine"

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  • kadi
    replied
    Now that's funny!

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  • dg2901
    replied
    Look at your watch as if you're getting ready to time them in an event and say "on your mark. get set. GO AWAY!"

    D
    Last edited by dg2901; 06-27-2007, 05:36 PM. Reason: cant type!

    Leave a comment:


  • janelle77362
    replied
    I get questions all the time about why I go to the bathroom all the time at work. My standard response is that I just sit on the pot to clear my head. I joke that it is the only time I don't get bothered and can take a breathe. Of course if you feel comfortable with someone there is no reason why you can't tell them the whole story. They may not understand but at least they will be a little more thoughtful with their questions.
    Take care~

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  • kadi
    replied
    If really annoyed, I sometimes will say, "Now, why would you think it's ok to ask me/say something like that?" & walk off.

    Usually I give a vague answer & change the subject to something we both can relate to. Sometimes people are just clumsy, but when they're just plain rude, they may get the first answer.

    Leave a comment:


  • mimimama
    replied
    Brittany,

    i loved your feedback! Great comebacks!

    I HATE the skinny remarks! It is just as offensive to a tiny person as it is for someone who is overweight to be constantly scrutinized and have "skinny" remarks made. Whenever I go to a work function where lunch is available, I used to really eat alot (before IC diet and everyone would make comments like, "Look at the skinny girl eat. It makes me sick!"

    I have thick skin but after awhile it does get annoying.

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  • yvette
    replied
    Well I agree, most of the time they are harmless....esp. about being skinny, that's more of a compliment in these times of fad diets and excercise crazes....anybody who knows me personally, genuinely wants to know how I'm doing....Nobody I know has actually been that forward to ask me ignorant question....they know better....

    and those poor clods who do ask questions like that get answers like

    In regard to skirts: " why does it bother you?" :::grin::::

    skinnyness/weightloss "Thanks. I've been on a limited diet, so that must be it" and I turn away and talk to someone more interesting.

    Have you gained weight: (yeah, um no one I know would ask this in their right mind, but those who do: my response would be a four letter word plus the word "off" and the bird flipped in their direction.

    re drinking water: "Why am I drinking water? Why not? Why so I can be an aloholic lush like you" followed with giggles and grins.

    For those idiots out there, for the most part I try to be nice, and come back with back handed comments....where on the surface its a joke....but once they think about...its like "duh, you a$$hat. did you really hear yourself?"

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  • Angeles
    replied
    LOL Thanks Brittany, I loved your responses...too funny... I'll use them along with my :"Thank You For Keeping Track" magic pharse!

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