Career Advice? :(

[glassd18]

I have been working for my husbands, fathers company for 8 years now, and I am miserable. His father is really mean to me, and the work ethics are horrible. I am being mistreated, and his father has maligned me to everyone he knows for no reason other than he doesn't like that my husband and I like to work with each other and he's had a miserable life. He tells everyone that I boss my husband around etc, etc...Truly my relationship with my husband is none of his business. This has caused me to have a real hardship at the company, and difficulties in my marriage, and my IC has not seen any real improvement because of the stress. The company isn't doing well either, and that is very stressful because I am the one answering the payables calls.

I want to leave, but we have debt obligations, and our house, and I feel so guilty feeling this way in an economy where there are so many desperate for work, but this is negatively affecting my health. I don't know where else I could work because my IC is still so bad. At least at this company I can go to my appointments without question. Not to mention I'll lose my health insurance if I quit, but I don't think I can take it anymore.

I just want to get out and live my life. I feel as long as I'm there I will never find happiness or get well. My husband makes a pretty good salary, but because of our obligations my extra salary helps us meet the bills. I have been trying to figure out how we can cut out unneccessary spending so that I can stay home. Does anyone have any good advice? Thanks

[ICNDonna]

Have you thought about getting a part time job somewhere else? If the company is in a downturn, that could be a really good reason to give for a move --- that your leaving will help protect someone else's job.

If you think about it, if you stay home, it will save on your clothing --- it doesn't take much of a wardrobe to stay t home. And it also saves on groceries. After I retired I found that we were spending far less on food since I cook most things from scratch. It can also save on transportation. It's amazing how much you can save if you put your mind to it --- and examine every purchase, asking yourself if you really need it.

I hope you can find a way to make a change.

Warm hugs,
Donna

[glassd18]

Thank you Donna. Unfortunatley this company has been in money trouble for a very long time so me leaving will not actually do much for the place. We are at bare minimum staff as it is, and I and my husband are overworked to the bone, and don't have the resources to do what we have to do most of the time. I can't get extra help when I need it. It's awful, and I don't wish this job on anybody because of how bad my FIL is to people, especially woman. I have been sticking it out because of my IC, and our debt obligation, and of course my health insurance, but the thing is is that it could also be making my IC recovery worse in the long run because of the stress. I also fortunately don't have to dress formal for this job as well so there really hasn't been alot of extra clothing expense. I have to dress nice, but not high end office nice I do agree though that there will probably be savings in other areas, and I could actually take the time to look at our budget, and do something about it while I'm home. So scary to have to make decisions like these, but they say that when one door closes another opens I just don't see any other company tolerating my IC, and I don't think I'm up to it either

[bob04951]

Maybe there is a way, if you are in charge of the payables calls, to have them forwarded to your home on another line. A little fax machine is fairly inexpensive, or maybe you could Email messages back to the office. You need to get out of that environment. Isn't it a shame some people are so miserable that they take it out on others, especially family...feel sorry for him (FIL) has he always been this bad or is it the stress of losing his business? Maybe he's depressed. Depression in men is often exhibited with outrageous anger. Of course you could never approach him with that, but maybe your hub can, or if you MIL is still around, she could, or a family "intervention" without you being there. Hope you find a solution,good luck girl. Jill, wife of Bob

[glassd18]

I work with my husband as well, and we thought about me working from home, but it just wouldn't work out because I need access to too many files on a constant basis. I am the Office Manager/Accounting Specialist. He is not depressed. He has been like this for his whole life. I think it has something to do with a poor upbringing, and alcoholism. He uses people. It's a very long story. A Payton Place so to speak His business has always been on the edge, and he has lost two previous business because he mismanages, and micro-manages. His son has been working there for 22 years, and I've been there for 8. He is 72 years old now. Thanks for the input. Hopefully I can figure out a way to leave or deal with the situation although I know from past experience that it never changes. I would have left by now if it wasn't for my IC. No other employer is going to put up with it. So in some ways I am lucky...it's just what matters more I guess...

[ABliske]

Try to hang in there then. It sounds like you aren't necessarily gung ho (sp?) about finding work elsewhere. I have been unhappy in my job for at least 3 years. Times are tough and it's true we are lucky to have work. My friend had a similar situation where she was unhappy working for her FIL. She put a comment on facebook that got her fired! At least, you have your husband who you are able to work with.
I don't know if I could handle working for my husband, if he ever needed a secretary, I'd be afraid. haha J/K It'd be better. I don't love my boss now, don't even care for her. So, just know that are MANY other people out there who are dealing with stress and terrible work situations too. Maybe in the future you'll find something else. Also, maybe your FIL will retire?

[glassd18]

ABliske thanks. I'm sorry you too are in a situation where you are not happy. I am actually very gung ho to look for something else, but I have moderate to severe IC, and working daily is quite hard on me, and yes like many others I am in a situation where I may have to put up, and shut up, but I'd like to think that a person can work toward happiness somehow no matter what their situation is. I'm really looking for job suggestions for IC sufferers. Most company's do not tolerate sick people very well, and I wouldn't want to jump out of the fire into the frying pan :o. My office hours are flexible and that helps because I'm slower than most people in the morning because of my IC. I also have other health issues. I would jump ship in a heart beat if I found something that I could do. It is a well known fact that stress does not help IC, and I feel the stress here is contributing to my symptoms, and hindering my recovery as well . I wish us both a prosperous new career

[ABliske]

I started applying for jobs before I went out on maternity leave so it has been 3 years off and on that I've been looking for work. I want to do accounting because I think it's something I could do with IC. I would like to go back to night school but it's hard with a young child. It is very hard for me just to be in the office 40 hours a week though, especially because the pain killers I'm on mess with my stomach. Right now, I run errands, file, and support different depts. I have been working with IC for about 6 years. I know what you mean when you say you worry about leaving to start up at a new place and then having to take sick time! My work hasn't been very understanding though. I take no more then maybe 5-7 sick days a year! It's not easy to work a lot of the time!
If you're tired of toughing it out where you are (people can only handle so much), then I think you should try to move to a different company. I think if you are happier, then you might even be able to work more of the time. I mean if stress isn't a major factor and you feel the pressure to be there, then maybe you could push yourself through some of the bad days. I feel like it's probably messing with your self esteem being there!!!!! That's how I feel anyway. Yet deep down I know I'm capable of working to benefit another company. Good luck to you. Keep me posted! I have a possible lead, but I'm not sure now if I'm going to get an interview. I had a phone interview for a small company.