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"To The God of Pain"

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  • "To The God of Pain"

    The other day, I was asked what my username (Sarojini) meant... and I explained that I named myself after a character (Mary Sarojini) in Aldous Huxley's lesser-known novel Island (he's better known for writing Brave New World). Island is also a book about how perfection has its downsides...

    Anyway, it got me thinking, and I did a Google search on "Sarojini" and found an Indian poet named Sarojini Naidu, who was also involved with Ghandi's peaceful protests.

    I came across one of her poems, entitled "To the God of Pain" and it struck me -- it sure sounds like how I feel on a night when my IC is going nuts and I am indeed beholden to the pain gods. Here it is:

    Unwilling priestess in thy cruel fane,
    Long hast thou held me, pitiless god of Pain,
    Bound to thy worship by reluctant vows,
    My tired breast girt with suffering, and my brows
    Anointed with perpetual weariness.
    Long have I borne thy service, through the stress
    Of rigorous years, sad days and slumberless nights,
    Performing thine inexorable rites.
    For thy dark altars, balm nor milk nor rice,
    But mine own soul thou'st ta'en for sacrifice:
    All the rich honey of my youth's desire,
    And all the sweet oils from my crushed life drawn,
    And all my flower-like dreams and gem-like fire
    Of hopes up-leaping like the light of dawn.
    I have no more to give, all that was mine
    Is laid, a wrested tribute, at thy shrine;
    Let me depart, for my whole soul is wrung,
    And all my cheerless orisons are sung;
    Let me depart, with faint limbs let me creep
    To some dim shade and sink me down to sleep.

    *Diagnosed with severe IC in 2004
    *Also diagnosed with PFD, fibromyalgia, chronic myofascial pain, IBS, migraines, allergies/asthma, dermatographism
    *Kept trying a million different treatments for all these things until I found what works, and I am doing okay these days with the help of a cocktail of medications and the InterStim, which was first placed in 2007. [I have had 2 revisions - one in 2010 when my battery died and had to be replaced, and one complete replacement (lead and generator) in 2012 after a fall on my stairs caused my lead to move.]
    *Current meds include Atarax (50mg at night), Lyrica (150mg twice a day), Xanax (0.5mg at night and as needed), Zanaflex (4mg at night), hydrocodone (10/325, every 6 hours as needed), Advair, Nasonex, Singulair (10mg at night), oral contraceptives, home instills containing Elmiron and Marcaine (as often as I need to do them).

    **I am not a medical authority nor do I offer definitive medical advice. I strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.

  • #2
    Amen! That poem hits IC, on a bad night, right on the head! Thanks for sharing it! Roxie

    Double Spinal Cord Stimulator surgery 8/09
    Unsuccessful MiniArc sling surgery 12/07
    Dx'd Hypothyroid
    Dx'd Chronic Axonal Neuropathy & Myopathy
    June 2007
    Dx'd IC May 2006 (after suffering for 25+ yrs!)
    First Cysto 1979
    First Hydro 1981 (Many treatments since then!)
    Collagin"Durasphere" injections for urethra
    Gall bladder surgery Aug. 2004
    Gastric Bypass Dec. 2004
    Dx'd: Barrett's Esphogus July 2004
    Dx'd: Vaginal Atrophy 2005
    Bladder surgery 2000
    Dx'd: IBS 2000
    Hysterectomy (fibroids) 1999
    Laminectomy 1989
    Dx'd: Degerative Disk Disorder 1989

    For IC I use Elmiron, Elavil and Freeze dried Aloe Vera (it works likes Elmiron, but naturally)and Azo as needed. I also take Zegerid, Randitine for Barrett's Esophagus. (which causes me to have constant yeast infections!)I take Cymbalta for Neuopathy/Myopathy pain. I use the Climara patch for menopause symptoms. I'm on a very strict diet because of the IC, IBS and Gastric Bypass. I take Primal Defense Probiotics and whole food Iron.
    I no longer have the awful urethral pain! I've been using MSM gel now for 4 mo. and haven't had a flare up or the urethra's amazing stuff!!:woohoo:


    • #3
      This is so beautiful - thank you so much for sharing it. I am going to print it out and give it to my doctor - a poem dedicated to all IC patients.