Any advice for my 16 year old son?

[leelee88]

My son Justin has been going out with this girl, she seems to come form a really good family and she is very sweet.. The problem is I think Justin is getting to attached, he has had plenty of girlfriends, but the other day this girl told him they needed to break it off.. My son was heart broken, he was even crying, I have never seen him so upset about a girl..Anyways I stuck my nose in it because she wouldnt even tell him why, So..... I took him to her house and told her she was going to talk to him..lol I know I should not have stuck my nose in it, but hes my son and he has been through so much...Anyways she said she didnt want to break up with him she just needed so space because he was getting to jealous of her..

Any advice on what I can do next time for him instead of me sticking my nose in thier bussiness again..


Thanks Ronda

[dg2901]

Whether to get involved with a teens drama, if you will, is quite the conundrum. On one hand we want to be there to know whats going on and to help should the need arise, yet the other hand says 'stay out of it' as its none of our business.
I'm in a bit of the same predicament; I've stayed out of my sons business in the past--I'd ask the typical questions of a mom but wouldnt go any further as to make him elaborate on his answers--i just took him for what he was saying. That brings me to present time--having not stuck my nose in his business and questioned more, has found our son (along with me and my husband) in a place where no parent wants to see their child.

Going through this experience has opened my eyes and helped me to realize what IS my business and what isnt. It basically boils down to if you-the parent-thinks someithing isnt right, you're instinct is probably correct. Thats when a bit more probing into their lives should come into play.

I know how hard the teen years can be, trust me.
Diana

[tigger_gal]

get hand cuffs and lock your self up I got involved once and will not do it again. as hard as it is we have to let them learn and grow. If your son is jealous over things she dose he should try to see things from her point of view. if she is giving him a reason to be jealous, then she needs to see things from his point of view a relationship is not 50/50 we know that, but they don't get it. oh lord this is complicated lol...

[leelee88]

Thanks for the advice..Yes its so complicated..

See Tig, I just feel its my responsibility to give him advice because you know his dad died a few years ago..I just seem to give him the motherly advice instead of that man to boy talk that his dad would have gave him. I just dont know what to do or say...Hes been crying all day and does not want to do anything..I even gave him 40 dollars and told him he needed to go out with friends..I told him that if he sits and waits on her that is just what she wants him to do..I told him to not let her know how bad this is bothering him...and give her some space.. Shes not worried because, I just rode by her house, because she lives down the road and I have to pass it to go to the store.. well shes having a party and her parents are gone... hummmmm

[tigger_gal]

hhhhmmmmmm sounds like she isn't a very nice girl... You are right to try to comfort him and get him to go out.. Have him invite some friends over for pizza an a movie.. Tell him there are other fish in the sea and apparently this Little hen down the road isn't worth it. I hope Justin feel better soon..

[leelee88]

Thanks Tig..

He is doing a little better this morning, but still kind of depressed.. He told her last night that he is fine with the break but for her not to get mad if he decides to date other girls..Well the girl has called him a few times this morning telling him about her party last night.. Justin just said... Well I am glad you had a good time last night, because I sure did..Then he told her he had to go.. I told him wtg..
When your kids are hurting its like we as parents are going through a break up to with them..

At least you have a while before your little man goes through this, by then I will be a pro I will be able to walk you right through it...lol...I still have 2 more boys who has to go through this..And then a girl..but we are just going to lock her in her room until shes 80...lol..

[tigger_gal]

I know it, my daughter is 18, will be 19 in August.. Let me tell you a story it (god now I sound like my grandma)
Ashley's (15) had a best friend Shane (14), in 2004 She loved him very much, they went to church together and every outing and camping trips, snow blast, battle cry, you name it they went together. One October night, him and his buddies went to the show. The driver pulled in the drive way, and before any one could get out of the car a drunk driver and high on pot hit there car (in the driveway) it hit the passenger side directly where Shane was sitting. They rushed him to the hospital, where he had a closed head injury and swelling of the brain, they actually cut his skull to relieve the pressure. it swelled up so big they had to leave it like that. Friends and family member that were not immident were not allowed in his room, for this reason. Shane went down hill fast, when he had lost all brain activity they took him off life support, I think it was a week or two.. (this all happened a month after my husband got drunk, and totaled my brand new truck, and hit 8 cars totaling 3 of them, on the same street) I had never in my life seen my daughter so heart broken and devastated. There was nothing in this world I could do to ease her pain, and it about killed me.. To this day she crys about Shane.
The following summer.... her b/f Frank calls her and says hey, what are you doing? can you come over, I'm moving in 2 hours..... to Kentucky!!! he promised to come back to take her to Prom and be here for her graduation.. they kept in close contact for a few months and then he just disappeared off the planet.. She is friends with his sister, and I would like to know what happened, but, I can't go there, because she really gets her nose out of joint..
Anywho... I just wanted you to know that I really understand how you feel, and maybe your son will read this and know things could be worse.. I think he should call and ask out a gal and go have some fun.. you never know when its your time to go.

Cindy

[leelee88]

OMG... I can so relate to your daughter... I lost my best friend David when I was 14.. We did everything together.We met at church and his dad was the youth leader..Him and his sister were leaving church and a car hit them and the ran off a bridge killing David.. I was crushed I still think of him often...

I think one of the big things with Justin is he has always been popular in school and hes always done the breaking up..So I think his heart is broke and his pride is crushed...