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I just don't get it!!!

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  • I just don't get it!!!

    Why don't people understand chronic pain??? Do they think that we all like being sick? I just don't get it.
    My mom's been really sick lately, something's going on in her abdomen (she's had problems for years) and now it hurts her just to walk. She can't even touch her side without it causing extreme pain. She's been going in for tests for the past 4yrs. They'd think they'd figure it out and she'd be okay and then it would come back. We all know that feeling I think of having to bounce from doctor to doctor being told "I can't find anything that could be causing this". I feel so frustrated for her.
    I went over today to color eggs on my noon hour and she was in her pjs Normal for most on a Sat. but I've seriously only seen my mom like, maybe 5 times not all fixed up, and that's when I lived with her! So I knew she was feeling really bad. She went in for more tests yesterday and of course "we just don't understand why this is hurting you so much".
    My dad's mad at her b/c she's always sick, and my sister had her watching her 3 hellions today so she could go shopping! Why can't they get it??? Its like if she's not just laying in bed like a lump then she can't possibly feel that bad Why can't they understand that sometimes you have to keep pushing even though you just want to curl up and not do anything. Why can't they just give us a break!!! I know that my having IC probably makes me more sensitive to this, but I can't believe that I would act like that even if I didn't have IC.
    Sorry to rant. I'm just so frustrated, and nervous. I want to know what's wrong with her. Why isn't any of the rest of my family concerned? Don't they realize how bad this could be? I just don't know what I'd do without her.

  • #2
    Meme ((((((((((((hugs))))))))))) I am so sorry you are having to go through this.. I agree your mom needs a break and others should understand..
    But I would bet your mom has always been the strong one and people who are close to her just dont understand that shes hurting and not as strong as she use to be..I wish I had more answers for you, but I am sorry I dont...
    But I will be praying for you mom..

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    • #3
      ((((((((((((((((((((meme))))))))))))))))))) I sure wish I knew what to tell you.. sending you and mom big hugs and prayers to feel better.
      'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'


      • #4
        I hope they find some answers soon so your mother will feel better.

        Sending gentle hugs for both of you,
        Stay safe

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        • #5
          It does get frustrating with doctors and having to wait to find out what is wrong. You would think with all the new technology they could find out answers faster. Sorry about your mom feeling bad and in pain. Some people do not care about another persons feelings. As long as it isn't them. Your mom must be the type of person who cannot say no to helping a person out. EVen if she herself is in a lot of pain. You do understand about pain since you are in pain all the time. People who are not sick or hardly ever are just do not get it. I've heard that one where if I am not laying in bed I feel fine. If I am happy I am fine. It's that old line "you don't look sick". Hope your mom gets some answers soon. Can't you have a talk with your sister about leaving the kids with your mom? Maybe she needs a little awakening talk?


          • #6
            I am sorry to hear your Mom is sick. I hope they find the cause of her pain soon and can get her feeling better.

            I dont know what to say about your Dad and sister. But, some people dont mean to be so insensitive, they just truly dont understand. I do think that being sick yourself, you naturally have developed greater empathy for other people's suffering. Kind of like that old saying, "It takes one to know one." When it comes to illness, that certainly seems applicable.

            I agree that it might help if you sit down and have a talk with your family and tell them that you know she is feeling bad, (and how you can tell). Some people just arent very tuned in to context clues and they might need instruction on how to pick up on this stuff. Also, they may not realize that when she feels bad, and says things like, "It's okay, I can watch the kids. I will probobly get to feeling better later." That means she is trying to be nice and pushing herself, but that doesnt mean she feels well enough to watch them. I am sure they love her, but probobly just dont understand how bad she feels.

            She is very lucky to have a daughter like you who does realize that she feels bad and loves her enough to try to educate the others so they can help lighten her load. I am sure she is very thankful to have you for her daughter.

            I hope they figure out the source of her pain very soon and that she gets to feeling better.

            Hugs for you and your Mom,


            • #7
              I don't think there's any good in talking to my sister, Lisa, about it. My other sister and I are both on the same page as far as wanting to wring her neck. Honestly, Lisa only looks out for herself. When my mom has told her no to something Lisa will call my other sister or I and complain about how mom is sick again, or how she should quit her job to help Lisa out with the kids more (my mom works a 48hr a week job, cleans on the side and still has Lisa's 3 kids at least once a weekend). We try to knock some sense into her, but of course she's always right and it only makes her mad. She's even went so far as to tell my other sister that she doesn't want me to have kids because right now I can go anywhere with her without the hassle! It's always about her. I won't even get into about how she neglets her kids. They're fed and sheltered and all that, but birthday's are only celebrated if one of us do it for them and most of the time they're at one grandma's or the other. I don't know why in the world she had 3 when she didn't even want one.
              My dad's a lost cause too. If I were her I would've left him a long time ago. The other night she was all upset because of the drs not finding anything and he starts in on her how its all in her head and he's tired of hearing about it. He made her cry, I just wanted to tell him to shut the h*## up, but I think if I did the whole family would explode and in the end it would just be more stress for mom. Mom's really the glue that holds us all together. Always the one saying be nice to your sister, love your dad. It's funny how the two people who aren't sympathetic to her are the ones who need her the most, without her they wouldn't have Lori or I.


              • #8
                Meme, I do know what you are talking about with your Mom, it is upsetting to know that siblings do push to much on Mom. To be honest Meme, this is something you can not fix, only your Mom can stand up and stop it. It is your Mom's decision to do and the only thing you can do is to continuing to be loving like you are toward your Mom. I know this is hard because of your love for your Mom and you sound like a wonderful daughter that one can be very proud of.

                We have been through this with my husband's Mom. They just keep pushing and pushing even with her health problems, but the more we try to stop it the more stress it became on others and Mom. I have learned that Mom is an adult and she makes the decision on what she wants to do or not to do. Yes Mom might complain about it but it is still her decision to do for everyone. We did have to step back and quit trying to stop this from going on.

                Meme, just love her even with her decision. I wish others can be more like you with compassion but that is not always the case. Just spend time with her and if possible spend time with her alone.

                Sending hugs, Trishann


                • #9
                  so sorry that you are going thru all of this.. It is very hard when one person in your family thinks mom is the local day care, with no disregard to how her health is. It really unerves you and makes you wonder what makes them tick..
                  Sending you and your family big hugs. I hope your mom finds her answers soon, maybe its time for a ne doctor.
                  'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'