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This will be a long post. These are things that have been going on with my MOTHER IN LAW for the durating of my husband's and my four year marriage. This past week was the final straw and my husband severed ties with her...any mother or grandmother reading this will find what I am saying very hard to believe, but trust me, it's all the truth and I just need to vent because I have been depressed for 3 months and I need an outlet!!!
Some of the veterans around here might remember back in 2004 I posted about how my then pregnant SIL (who hates me with every fiber of her being because she can no longer kick around my husband) crashed her vehicle and needed a new one to help get her and her baby around. Fine. We were selling our car. We actually had a buyer on it. Hubby's and SIL's step-father was the co-signer on the car. My MIL literally called my husband up crying about how poor April won't be able to get around now and she can't get a loan from the bank blah blah blah. Anyway, she asked that April take the car and take the payments over. We hesitantly agreed to it but figured nothing bad would come of it because MIL's husband was the co-signer and she'd never let anything bad happen to their credit. WRONG.
That was 2003. In 2004, we began getting calls from the car company. When we called MIL to find out why, she said "oh it's nothing, the warranty is up". Ok. So they kept calling and finally hubby answered and they then told us the car was in serious default, that a payment hadn't been made in months. He asked why they were calling us--and get this--they had talked to MIL and she had told them that we had the car!!!
I'll fast forward a little bit. The blame game went on, she told me I should get a job (um currently disabled!) and poor April, blah blah blah. The wind-up was that the car got repo'd (we couldn't afford the $8,000 that we needed to come up with to stop them) and my MIL NEVER told her husband, the co-signer. Plus they have the money, they are loaded...she just didn't want to part with it.
So this has been looming over our heads for quite some time. Heck, when they visited me and Izzy in the hospital when she was born my step FIL ASKED about the car, even though it had been repo'd TWO YEARS EARLIER! My MIL always interjects and changes the subject. The guy is clueless. He doesn't do their finances, MIL does.
Anyway, so April of this year rolls around and a check cashing place starts calling. Chris was home the day they began calling and he answered, went into another room and talked to them. He comes out and I say, "what do they want?" and he lies to my face and says, "nothing." I say, "check cashing places don't call random people to find out how people are doing." He starts getting nervous and evasive and I finally he tells me he went and borrowed $200 from this place and he hasn't paid them, and he did it in March.
Well then he begins to tell me that his MOTHER had him go do it, that some payment was due. He said she accused him of being a dead beat, worthless piece of s*it just like his father. (His father was a raging alcoholic who left them when he was just 8) Then I guess she threatened to tell his step-father about the car. Anyway, my husband has always been meek when it comes to his mother (I guess 25 years of insults and self-esteem bashing will do that to a person.)
I ask why he didn't come to me and tell me and he says--and this is the kicker--"My mom said she'd pay me back within the week and that there was no reason to tell you." I BLEW. I wanted to call him every mama's boy-related name in the book but I held my tongue for several reasons. One, our daughter was sitting right there and two his mother had already brow beated him enough.
The GALL of this woman. She tells her son to lie to his wife!!!
It gets EVEN BETTER.
So we start working through this. Then later in the month I get a call from our bank. ANOTHER check cashing place tried to put a check through on our account for the amount of $671. At that point I just collapsed and started crying. I knew he had done it, and he had the chance to come clean to me about it with the previous fiasco, and he said nothing.
When he came home about an hour later I confronted him about it. He again lied to me, saying he didn't do it. We fought for TWO HOURS straight, me telling him that I KNEW it was him, that I KNEW he had done it and me begging him to come clean. He refused. Finally, I broke down crying and asked why he'd done it and why he was lying and he broke down and said that his mother needed $1100 and was blackmailing him and all this. He said that she had promised to pay him back with her tax return.
When the tax return had come, she'd told him that she never had any intention of giving him back the money and that "now he knows how it feels to be screwed by someone you trust." (She blames him for his father walking out on her)
So he had been calling her and begging her to pay this $1100 back. She kept refusing, knowing fully well that we don't make the kind of money to pay that back easily and in the timeline we were given PLUS he is supporting a child, HER grandchild.
Well when I heard the full amount and all of that, I told him that I refused to allow our child in her presence at all, that she was not welcome in our home and that he could continue to see her if he wanted, but there would be no way Izzy would have any contact with her. So I dialed her number up and handed him the phone. He said to her, "Jess knows about the money. What are you going to do about it? Are you going to pay us back now?" and she refused and hung up on him. So he called her back and said he was severing ties with her.
Unfortunately, this is not close to the end.
I closed our joint checking account and opened one in my name, just my name. I told him from now on he was to bring his paycheck home to me, we would go to the bank and cash it, I would give him money for gas and cigarettes for 2 weeks and the rest I would pay bills with and use for groceries, diapers, etc. He was fine with that. We're still using this system and it's working out fine.
So the week before Mother's Day rolls around. His mom calls and says she was thinking about things and wanted to make things right. She said she'd send us a check to start paying off the balance. Great! Fine! I told Chris that she wouldn't send it, that we should go to her house and get it. So we go on Mother's Day. I bought her a beautiful bracelt that has MOM written all the way around it. I figured hey, if she'll meet us half way, we should make the effort. I wanted to do that for my husband and daughter at least and try to put all that crap behind me because she is my husband's mother.
We go visit on Mother's Day, she loves the bracelet and so forth. At the end of the visit she and hubby get into it about the money. She tells him she really "can't afford this" (ha her husband makes like $30/hr. and works 12 hour days, they have no car payments, mortgage payments, etc and she works part time just to get out of the house).
They argue and she hands him a check she'd written before we even got there. (Nice that she tried to get out of it)
So the next day we make the deposit and pay some bills. A week later I started getting phone calls from places saying that my checks had bounced! I was so embarrassed! I call the bank and they begin to tell me that not only did my MIL's check bounce, there was no money in that account and the check was post-dated. It was all around an illegal check.
At that point hubby completely hates his mother and this makes things worse. He calls her up and demands to know why she did all of this. She gives him the "screwed" line again and she promises to send a money order for the amount plus the bounced fees. Yeah, right. I told him it's not coming and he, being either naive or hopeful, thinks it is. Two weeks passed and it hadn't come.
He calls again and she says she didn't send it and would never send it. At that point he told her that was the final straw and that he was cutting ties for good. She has called us everyday since and we aren't answering the phone. Hubby doesn't have a cell so he's not calling her and he can't call from work, plus I can't even bring her name up without fire in his eyes.
I feel betrayed by him. I'm trying to move past it for the sake of our daughter and I do love my husband very much, but the lies are eating at me. He's a good man, he made a bad judgment call but at the same time I wonder what else he's not telling me. We've talked many times and he says there is nothing else and I do believe him. I didn't believe him when he told me that before the 2nd check cashing place cropped up but I do now, I just am having a hard time with all of this.
My MIL purposely did this to our marriage and the verbal abuse to my husband--I just can't imagine doing that to my child!!! Plus the financial disaster she has caused both with the car and with the check cashing places and the bounced check. I mean, we had to file bankruptcy in 2005, while I was pregnant, because of this thing with the car. I think hate is a strong word, but I truly hate this woman.
And to top it all off, the WHOLE time on Mother's Day AND at my daughter's first birthday, we had to hear how "superior" April's daughter is to our's. "Jenna this" and "Jenna that". "Does Izzy still have curly hair? Jenna does. Jenna's is much curlier". How stupid is that??? She just did it to get under our skin, I know it.
Ok thanks for listening...it feels good to rant about this. I am just having a hard time with all of this. My husband doesn't eat anymore, he's lost about 15-20 pounds since this all began. He's so upset over his mother doing this to us. And then his father calls, in the midst of all this, after we hadn't heard from him in like six months. Chris was so relieved...until his dad asked for money. Haven't heard from him since.
Some of the veterans around here might remember back in 2004 I posted about how my then pregnant SIL (who hates me with every fiber of her being because she can no longer kick around my husband) crashed her vehicle and needed a new one to help get her and her baby around. Fine. We were selling our car. We actually had a buyer on it. Hubby's and SIL's step-father was the co-signer on the car. My MIL literally called my husband up crying about how poor April won't be able to get around now and she can't get a loan from the bank blah blah blah. Anyway, she asked that April take the car and take the payments over. We hesitantly agreed to it but figured nothing bad would come of it because MIL's husband was the co-signer and she'd never let anything bad happen to their credit. WRONG.
That was 2003. In 2004, we began getting calls from the car company. When we called MIL to find out why, she said "oh it's nothing, the warranty is up". Ok. So they kept calling and finally hubby answered and they then told us the car was in serious default, that a payment hadn't been made in months. He asked why they were calling us--and get this--they had talked to MIL and she had told them that we had the car!!!
I'll fast forward a little bit. The blame game went on, she told me I should get a job (um currently disabled!) and poor April, blah blah blah. The wind-up was that the car got repo'd (we couldn't afford the $8,000 that we needed to come up with to stop them) and my MIL NEVER told her husband, the co-signer. Plus they have the money, they are loaded...she just didn't want to part with it.
So this has been looming over our heads for quite some time. Heck, when they visited me and Izzy in the hospital when she was born my step FIL ASKED about the car, even though it had been repo'd TWO YEARS EARLIER! My MIL always interjects and changes the subject. The guy is clueless. He doesn't do their finances, MIL does.
Anyway, so April of this year rolls around and a check cashing place starts calling. Chris was home the day they began calling and he answered, went into another room and talked to them. He comes out and I say, "what do they want?" and he lies to my face and says, "nothing." I say, "check cashing places don't call random people to find out how people are doing." He starts getting nervous and evasive and I finally he tells me he went and borrowed $200 from this place and he hasn't paid them, and he did it in March.
Well then he begins to tell me that his MOTHER had him go do it, that some payment was due. He said she accused him of being a dead beat, worthless piece of s*it just like his father. (His father was a raging alcoholic who left them when he was just 8) Then I guess she threatened to tell his step-father about the car. Anyway, my husband has always been meek when it comes to his mother (I guess 25 years of insults and self-esteem bashing will do that to a person.)
I ask why he didn't come to me and tell me and he says--and this is the kicker--"My mom said she'd pay me back within the week and that there was no reason to tell you." I BLEW. I wanted to call him every mama's boy-related name in the book but I held my tongue for several reasons. One, our daughter was sitting right there and two his mother had already brow beated him enough.
The GALL of this woman. She tells her son to lie to his wife!!!
It gets EVEN BETTER.
So we start working through this. Then later in the month I get a call from our bank. ANOTHER check cashing place tried to put a check through on our account for the amount of $671. At that point I just collapsed and started crying. I knew he had done it, and he had the chance to come clean to me about it with the previous fiasco, and he said nothing.
When he came home about an hour later I confronted him about it. He again lied to me, saying he didn't do it. We fought for TWO HOURS straight, me telling him that I KNEW it was him, that I KNEW he had done it and me begging him to come clean. He refused. Finally, I broke down crying and asked why he'd done it and why he was lying and he broke down and said that his mother needed $1100 and was blackmailing him and all this. He said that she had promised to pay him back with her tax return.
When the tax return had come, she'd told him that she never had any intention of giving him back the money and that "now he knows how it feels to be screwed by someone you trust." (She blames him for his father walking out on her)
So he had been calling her and begging her to pay this $1100 back. She kept refusing, knowing fully well that we don't make the kind of money to pay that back easily and in the timeline we were given PLUS he is supporting a child, HER grandchild.
Well when I heard the full amount and all of that, I told him that I refused to allow our child in her presence at all, that she was not welcome in our home and that he could continue to see her if he wanted, but there would be no way Izzy would have any contact with her. So I dialed her number up and handed him the phone. He said to her, "Jess knows about the money. What are you going to do about it? Are you going to pay us back now?" and she refused and hung up on him. So he called her back and said he was severing ties with her.
Unfortunately, this is not close to the end.
I closed our joint checking account and opened one in my name, just my name. I told him from now on he was to bring his paycheck home to me, we would go to the bank and cash it, I would give him money for gas and cigarettes for 2 weeks and the rest I would pay bills with and use for groceries, diapers, etc. He was fine with that. We're still using this system and it's working out fine.
So the week before Mother's Day rolls around. His mom calls and says she was thinking about things and wanted to make things right. She said she'd send us a check to start paying off the balance. Great! Fine! I told Chris that she wouldn't send it, that we should go to her house and get it. So we go on Mother's Day. I bought her a beautiful bracelt that has MOM written all the way around it. I figured hey, if she'll meet us half way, we should make the effort. I wanted to do that for my husband and daughter at least and try to put all that crap behind me because she is my husband's mother.
We go visit on Mother's Day, she loves the bracelet and so forth. At the end of the visit she and hubby get into it about the money. She tells him she really "can't afford this" (ha her husband makes like $30/hr. and works 12 hour days, they have no car payments, mortgage payments, etc and she works part time just to get out of the house).
They argue and she hands him a check she'd written before we even got there. (Nice that she tried to get out of it)
So the next day we make the deposit and pay some bills. A week later I started getting phone calls from places saying that my checks had bounced! I was so embarrassed! I call the bank and they begin to tell me that not only did my MIL's check bounce, there was no money in that account and the check was post-dated. It was all around an illegal check.
At that point hubby completely hates his mother and this makes things worse. He calls her up and demands to know why she did all of this. She gives him the "screwed" line again and she promises to send a money order for the amount plus the bounced fees. Yeah, right. I told him it's not coming and he, being either naive or hopeful, thinks it is. Two weeks passed and it hadn't come.
He calls again and she says she didn't send it and would never send it. At that point he told her that was the final straw and that he was cutting ties for good. She has called us everyday since and we aren't answering the phone. Hubby doesn't have a cell so he's not calling her and he can't call from work, plus I can't even bring her name up without fire in his eyes.
I feel betrayed by him. I'm trying to move past it for the sake of our daughter and I do love my husband very much, but the lies are eating at me. He's a good man, he made a bad judgment call but at the same time I wonder what else he's not telling me. We've talked many times and he says there is nothing else and I do believe him. I didn't believe him when he told me that before the 2nd check cashing place cropped up but I do now, I just am having a hard time with all of this.
My MIL purposely did this to our marriage and the verbal abuse to my husband--I just can't imagine doing that to my child!!! Plus the financial disaster she has caused both with the car and with the check cashing places and the bounced check. I mean, we had to file bankruptcy in 2005, while I was pregnant, because of this thing with the car. I think hate is a strong word, but I truly hate this woman.
And to top it all off, the WHOLE time on Mother's Day AND at my daughter's first birthday, we had to hear how "superior" April's daughter is to our's. "Jenna this" and "Jenna that". "Does Izzy still have curly hair? Jenna does. Jenna's is much curlier". How stupid is that??? She just did it to get under our skin, I know it.
Ok thanks for listening...it feels good to rant about this. I am just having a hard time with all of this. My husband doesn't eat anymore, he's lost about 15-20 pounds since this all began. He's so upset over his mother doing this to us. And then his father calls, in the midst of all this, after we hadn't heard from him in like six months. Chris was so relieved...until his dad asked for money. Haven't heard from him since.
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