Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

The Worst MIL EVER

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • The Worst MIL EVER

    This will be a long post. These are things that have been going on with my MOTHER IN LAW for the durating of my husband's and my four year marriage. This past week was the final straw and my husband severed ties with her...any mother or grandmother reading this will find what I am saying very hard to believe, but trust me, it's all the truth and I just need to vent because I have been depressed for 3 months and I need an outlet!!!

    Some of the veterans around here might remember back in 2004 I posted about how my then pregnant SIL (who hates me with every fiber of her being because she can no longer kick around my husband) crashed her vehicle and needed a new one to help get her and her baby around. Fine. We were selling our car. We actually had a buyer on it. Hubby's and SIL's step-father was the co-signer on the car. My MIL literally called my husband up crying about how poor April won't be able to get around now and she can't get a loan from the bank blah blah blah. Anyway, she asked that April take the car and take the payments over. We hesitantly agreed to it but figured nothing bad would come of it because MIL's husband was the co-signer and she'd never let anything bad happen to their credit. WRONG.

    That was 2003. In 2004, we began getting calls from the car company. When we called MIL to find out why, she said "oh it's nothing, the warranty is up". Ok. So they kept calling and finally hubby answered and they then told us the car was in serious default, that a payment hadn't been made in months. He asked why they were calling us--and get this--they had talked to MIL and she had told them that we had the car!!!

    I'll fast forward a little bit. The blame game went on, she told me I should get a job (um currently disabled!) and poor April, blah blah blah. The wind-up was that the car got repo'd (we couldn't afford the $8,000 that we needed to come up with to stop them) and my MIL NEVER told her husband, the co-signer. Plus they have the money, they are loaded...she just didn't want to part with it.

    So this has been looming over our heads for quite some time. Heck, when they visited me and Izzy in the hospital when she was born my step FIL ASKED about the car, even though it had been repo'd TWO YEARS EARLIER! My MIL always interjects and changes the subject. The guy is clueless. He doesn't do their finances, MIL does.

    Anyway, so April of this year rolls around and a check cashing place starts calling. Chris was home the day they began calling and he answered, went into another room and talked to them. He comes out and I say, "what do they want?" and he lies to my face and says, "nothing." I say, "check cashing places don't call random people to find out how people are doing." He starts getting nervous and evasive and I finally he tells me he went and borrowed $200 from this place and he hasn't paid them, and he did it in March.

    Well then he begins to tell me that his MOTHER had him go do it, that some payment was due. He said she accused him of being a dead beat, worthless piece of s*it just like his father. (His father was a raging alcoholic who left them when he was just 8) Then I guess she threatened to tell his step-father about the car. Anyway, my husband has always been meek when it comes to his mother (I guess 25 years of insults and self-esteem bashing will do that to a person.)

    I ask why he didn't come to me and tell me and he says--and this is the kicker--"My mom said she'd pay me back within the week and that there was no reason to tell you." I BLEW. I wanted to call him every mama's boy-related name in the book but I held my tongue for several reasons. One, our daughter was sitting right there and two his mother had already brow beated him enough.

    The GALL of this woman. She tells her son to lie to his wife!!!

    It gets EVEN BETTER.

    So we start working through this. Then later in the month I get a call from our bank. ANOTHER check cashing place tried to put a check through on our account for the amount of $671. At that point I just collapsed and started crying. I knew he had done it, and he had the chance to come clean to me about it with the previous fiasco, and he said nothing.

    When he came home about an hour later I confronted him about it. He again lied to me, saying he didn't do it. We fought for TWO HOURS straight, me telling him that I KNEW it was him, that I KNEW he had done it and me begging him to come clean. He refused. Finally, I broke down crying and asked why he'd done it and why he was lying and he broke down and said that his mother needed $1100 and was blackmailing him and all this. He said that she had promised to pay him back with her tax return.

    When the tax return had come, she'd told him that she never had any intention of giving him back the money and that "now he knows how it feels to be screwed by someone you trust." (She blames him for his father walking out on her)

    So he had been calling her and begging her to pay this $1100 back. She kept refusing, knowing fully well that we don't make the kind of money to pay that back easily and in the timeline we were given PLUS he is supporting a child, HER grandchild.

    Well when I heard the full amount and all of that, I told him that I refused to allow our child in her presence at all, that she was not welcome in our home and that he could continue to see her if he wanted, but there would be no way Izzy would have any contact with her. So I dialed her number up and handed him the phone. He said to her, "Jess knows about the money. What are you going to do about it? Are you going to pay us back now?" and she refused and hung up on him. So he called her back and said he was severing ties with her.

    Unfortunately, this is not close to the end.

    I closed our joint checking account and opened one in my name, just my name. I told him from now on he was to bring his paycheck home to me, we would go to the bank and cash it, I would give him money for gas and cigarettes for 2 weeks and the rest I would pay bills with and use for groceries, diapers, etc. He was fine with that. We're still using this system and it's working out fine.

    So the week before Mother's Day rolls around. His mom calls and says she was thinking about things and wanted to make things right. She said she'd send us a check to start paying off the balance. Great! Fine! I told Chris that she wouldn't send it, that we should go to her house and get it. So we go on Mother's Day. I bought her a beautiful bracelt that has MOM written all the way around it. I figured hey, if she'll meet us half way, we should make the effort. I wanted to do that for my husband and daughter at least and try to put all that crap behind me because she is my husband's mother.

    We go visit on Mother's Day, she loves the bracelet and so forth. At the end of the visit she and hubby get into it about the money. She tells him she really "can't afford this" (ha her husband makes like $30/hr. and works 12 hour days, they have no car payments, mortgage payments, etc and she works part time just to get out of the house).

    They argue and she hands him a check she'd written before we even got there. (Nice that she tried to get out of it)

    So the next day we make the deposit and pay some bills. A week later I started getting phone calls from places saying that my checks had bounced! I was so embarrassed! I call the bank and they begin to tell me that not only did my MIL's check bounce, there was no money in that account and the check was post-dated. It was all around an illegal check.

    At that point hubby completely hates his mother and this makes things worse. He calls her up and demands to know why she did all of this. She gives him the "screwed" line again and she promises to send a money order for the amount plus the bounced fees. Yeah, right. I told him it's not coming and he, being either naive or hopeful, thinks it is. Two weeks passed and it hadn't come.

    He calls again and she says she didn't send it and would never send it. At that point he told her that was the final straw and that he was cutting ties for good. She has called us everyday since and we aren't answering the phone. Hubby doesn't have a cell so he's not calling her and he can't call from work, plus I can't even bring her name up without fire in his eyes.

    I feel betrayed by him. I'm trying to move past it for the sake of our daughter and I do love my husband very much, but the lies are eating at me. He's a good man, he made a bad judgment call but at the same time I wonder what else he's not telling me. We've talked many times and he says there is nothing else and I do believe him. I didn't believe him when he told me that before the 2nd check cashing place cropped up but I do now, I just am having a hard time with all of this.

    My MIL purposely did this to our marriage and the verbal abuse to my husband--I just can't imagine doing that to my child!!! Plus the financial disaster she has caused both with the car and with the check cashing places and the bounced check. I mean, we had to file bankruptcy in 2005, while I was pregnant, because of this thing with the car. I think hate is a strong word, but I truly hate this woman.

    And to top it all off, the WHOLE time on Mother's Day AND at my daughter's first birthday, we had to hear how "superior" April's daughter is to our's. "Jenna this" and "Jenna that". "Does Izzy still have curly hair? Jenna does. Jenna's is much curlier". How stupid is that??? She just did it to get under our skin, I know it.

    Ok thanks for listening...it feels good to rant about this. I am just having a hard time with all of this. My husband doesn't eat anymore, he's lost about 15-20 pounds since this all began. He's so upset over his mother doing this to us. And then his father calls, in the midst of all this, after we hadn't heard from him in like six months. Chris was so relieved...until his dad asked for money. Haven't heard from him since.

    Mommy to 2 crazy, wonderful kids and wife to the most amazing man in the world!

  • #2
    I am so sorry that all of this has happened to your family. I will keep you all in my prayers
    Miss Bessie

    Galatians 6:2 - Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

    Hebrews 13:2 - Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by doing so some people have entertained angels without knowing it.

    Proverbs 4:23 - Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life

    Comment


    • #3
      What an awful situation to be dealing with.

      Hoping things work out for you very soon.
      Diana
      (\__/)
      (o.O )
      (> < ) This is Bunny. He's on his way to world domination.

      Comment


      • #4
        Jess...I am so sorry. Sending you loads of (((hugs))).
        Sharon

        Shopping??? Did someone mention shopping? I'll get my hat... ;-)

        Where I can be found most days.



        Link to the ICN Patient Handbook:
        http://www.ic-network.com/handbook/

        Link to the IC Diet:
        http://www.ic-network.com/diet/


        IC Volunteers are not medical authorities nor do we offer medical advice. In all cases, we strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.

        Comment


        • #5
          Oh wow Jess, I thought my MIL was a pain. And she really can be nasty sometimes but she would never do anything like this money thing. I'm so sorry
          Christine



          I have been diagnoised for 6 1/2 years now. I have taken a long break from the ICN but really miss helping out my fellow IC patients and want to get back into posting.
          1st hydro 4/07 showed no visible signs of IC but tons of mast cells in all my biopsy samples which did prove IC.
          2nd hydro 4/13/09 showed dark purple glomerulations and I had a capacity of 450 cc's. This hydro proved that my IC had progressed.
          I have tried every oral medication as well as rescue instills and DMSO.

          I have been lucky enough to see Dr Hanno, the top IC specialist in PA who has told me due to the fact that I have not responded to any "standard" treatments that I have a severe, end stage case of IC with a horrible quality of life (didn't have to tell me that last part!)

          Proud wifey of Shane, mommy to Griffin, and step-mom to Logan and Gage
          Also proud mom to the best Bullmastiff on earth, Claus

          Comment


          • #6


            Donna
            Stay safe


            Elmiron Eye Disease Information Center - https://www.ic-network.com/elmiron-p...mation-center/
            Elmiron Eye Disease Fact Sheet (Downloadable) - https://www.ic-network.com/wp-conten...nFactSheet.pdf

            Have you checked the ICN Shop?
            Click on ICN Shop at the top of this page. You'll find Bladder Builder and Bladder Rest, both of which we are finding have excellent results.

            Patient Help: http://www.ic-network.com/patientlinks.html

            Sub-types https://www.ic-network.com/five-pote...markably-well/

            Diet list: https://www.ic-network.com/interstitial-cystitis-diet/

            AUA Guidelines: https://www.ic-network.com/aua-guide...tial-cystitis/

            I am not a medical authority nor do I offer medical advice. In all cases, I strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.
            [3MG]

            Anyone who says something is foolproof hasn't met a determined fool

            Comment


            • #7
              WOW Jess. Someone needs to let the step dad know some of this. MAybe he would make things right if he knew.

              Comment


              • #8
                Jess, I'm so sorry. I read your story and felt like I was reliving my life with my ex and ex MIL. She never did things financially to us, but she was forever making sure that I knew I didn't live up to the standards she'd set for her daughter in law...I remember when I graduated Nursing school the best she could say to me was, "well, you actually did it"...gee, thanks!

                My ex is forever making excuses for his mother's bad behaviour as well. I think that most boys love their mother's so much, and they don't want to think that they could possibly be vindictive, hateful people. He's probably realizing that all the things he did in good faith to help her out were mistakes and it's got to hurt him.

                Do you think he'd go to counseling? It sounds like he's had a really rough life with her and like you said, 25 years of hearing what a mistake you are can really mess someone up.


                I'm sure he doesn't want to hurt you and your daughter, but he still loves his mom, no matter what. He wants to give her the benefit of the doubt because she is his mom....know what I mean?

                I know we say it here all the time, but he really does need someone to talk to that isn't related to him, that he can totally open up to and spill his guts over all of this....maybe find a place with a sliding scale.

                I do remember the issue with the car, and I just can't believe it all has come to this....I hope he's learned a lesson from all of this.

                I hope things get straightened out soon....you've got a beautiful family and a lot of happy years in front of you.

                Hugs, Sandy
                *IC-- Summer 2004; PFD--October 2005
                *Fibro--Fall 2000; CFS-- Fall 2000
                *MPS--Fall 2000; Crohn's disease-- 1997*IBS,GERD, *Migraines, hypothyroidism, GYN problems *Degenerative Disc Disease/scoliosis

                Total Abdominal Hysterectomy--adenomyosis--9\08

                04/17/09 Crohn's disease almost killed me with a combo of extreme constipation from pain medications. My bowel ruptured, I almost died from peritonitis and spent several days in the ICU then more in a private room on the floor. If you have any questions about severe constipation from pain meds please don't hesitate to send me a message.

                Comment


                • #9

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    My MIL is the same way. She's horrible. My SIL (who has 2 kids) doesn't talk to her anymore. I don't have any children yet, but I know when I do it will get worse because she acts like her grandkids are her kids. She said at Easter that if I didn't have kids she was going to adopt some foster kids. She said though that they probably wouldn't let her have them because she's on a ton of pain killers and stuff for fibromyalgia.
                    She does everything to try to put a guilt trip on people. I just try not to let it bother me. Everyone else knows she's nuts.
                    I think you and your hubby should distance yourself from her. Just don't try too hard to be the perfect daughter in law or anything because it sounds like you'll wear yourself out. And honestly, it helps to realize that you hubby probably won't give up on his mom 100%. You just need to try not to let her get between you. It's really wrong that he lied, but he did it with the best of intentions. Let it be a learning lesson. Sorry you are going through this. I can swap some stories with you I bet.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      She is a very low person to compare children that way.
                      Izzy is such a beautiful little girl...........I know my MIL would love her to death.
                      Sometimes you just wanna shake some people......she would fit the bill.

                      I hope hubby lets a very lonnnggg cooling period go before contacting her again.

                      I'm so sorry for the both of you.......no matter what, he should never lie and take up for her actions.
                      I agree that a good, long call is in order to the step-dad.

                      Take care............
                      Tons of support,
                      Jaime

                      IC angel helping families in need for the holidays. [email protected]

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Oh, my... I really don't know what else to say that hasn't already been said, except that I'm sooooo sorry you have to deal with this situation!! It sounds AWFUL, and I hope somehow things will work out. You sure do not need this stress
                        ****
                        Jen

                        *Diagnosed with severe IC in 2004
                        *Also diagnosed with PFD, fibromyalgia, chronic myofascial pain, IBS, migraines, allergies/asthma, dermatographism
                        *Kept trying a million different treatments for all these things until I found what works, and I am doing okay these days with the help of a cocktail of medications and the InterStim, which was first placed in 2007. [I have had 2 revisions - one in 2010 when my battery died and had to be replaced, and one complete replacement (lead and generator) in 2012 after a fall on my stairs caused my lead to move.]
                        *Current meds include Atarax (50mg at night), Lyrica (150mg twice a day), Xanax (0.5mg at night and as needed), Zanaflex (4mg at night), hydrocodone (10/325, every 6 hours as needed), Advair, Nasonex, Singulair (10mg at night), oral contraceptives, home instills containing Elmiron and Marcaine (as often as I need to do them).

                        **I am not a medical authority nor do I offer definitive medical advice. I strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I am a mother and a grandmother and I believe everything say. Vent all you want woman!!

                          Severing all ties is what needs to be done. She has made her bed and now she has to lay in it. I'm wondering, has anyone from the family told her husband( the step-father)what has been happening? I really think he needs to know what has been happening, because it sounds like he does not have a clue.

                          I think alot of us could write a book about in-laws. I know I could!

                          Meds I take:
                          Elmiron, Elavil, Vagifem- for IC
                          Albuterol, Flovent, Atrovent- for Asthma and lung problems
                          Paxil, Clonazepam- for depression and Anxiety
                          Atenolol- for rapid heart rate
                          Nexium- for Gerd
                          Levothyroxin- for Hypothyroidism
                          Lasix, Pottasium- for edema
                          Lipitor- for High Cholesterol
                          I coated aspirin
                          02 at bedtime

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Thank you all for understanding. It has been a rough time. I've cried just about every day for the last 3 months. We had to borrow the money from my parents, who had to take it off a credit card that we currently have a car payment on, to get these people off our backs. Today my dad informed me that our card payment just went up because of the extra money. Now we have to come up with an extra $100 a month, thanks to the stupid bimbo that is his mother.

                            The situation is so complicated. I wrote a long letter out to my step FIL outlining everything that has happened in the past few years, especially recent events. I also included the phone numbers of the three major credit bureaus for him to call so that he can see that we are not lying because I just KNOW that my MIL will try her hardest to lie her way out of this one.

                            I also told him that he can call us for reciepts from the check cashing places and the post office for the money orders we sent her if he would like copies. I feel like I have covered all of my bases in burying the witch.

                            I don't know if he will help us out financially but I feel like some justice will have been done and at the very least, he'll know what's going on with his life. He doesn't have any control over the finances so he knows nothing of all of this. He's an innocent party in all of this and I feel sorry for him

                            It's so complicated. They have two kids together, my husband's half-sisters. They are younger, 9 years old and 14. I am close to the 14 year old. My MIL is horrible to her and just recently told her that she doesn't want to live with her anymore. How do you tell your 14 your old child that you don't want to share the same roof?? Insane. Well, hey, MIL said that to my husband when he was that age and he packed up and left her house and the state when he was 15 to be with his dad. That's when we met and we started dating a year and a half later. We've been together for 8 years almost to the day and I have never seen him in this mental shape that he is in now.

                            My SIL, the 14 year old, comes to me about everything. Boys, health, make-up, school, friends, you name it. Her own older sister is a raving b*tch to her and makes her feel insignificant. This past year, on her myspace, in the Heroes section she had a nice tribute to me and in school when asked to write about someone in your life who you admire, she wrote about me. If I I send this letter to my step FIL, I am terrified that she'll feel betrayed. In the summer I try to get her out of the house a couple weekends and bring her to my house and we go shopping to get her mind off of things. I don't want to ruin that for her.

                            My husband has called the house asking for his step-dad but his mom won't let him talk to him. So I came up with the idea of sending the letter to his place of work (he works in a mine so he can't get calls) and send it priority with his signature required to know that he got the letter. Since my MIL is home all day she can easily intercept the mail if we were to send it to the house, so this seems to be the route to go.

                            I am no a vindictive person. I hate lies more than anything and I feel strong in the belief that we should turn the other cheek...but this is eating me alive. I want her husband to know about all of this, I just worry about the reprocussions to those who are innocent in all of this.

                            Ugh! Well I think tonight I am going to talk to Chris about him getting counseling. I had first suggested it when this all began, because of all of his lying and his mother, and he agreed. I think he needs to unload his mom and dad's baggage on someone qualified. I was thinking about marriage counseling, but our insurance doesn't cover it and we can't afford it at this point. Ugh.

                            Thanks for listening. I've been feeling so alone lately. Especially since our stupid internet has been down...but that's another aggrivating story.
                            Mommy to 2 crazy, wonderful kids and wife to the most amazing man in the world!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Jess,
                              I think it's a really good idea that you send her husband the letter. If he makes the money, he has a right to know what is going on. Maybe she has put them in debt w/o him even knowing about it, he should be aware. Maybe you'll be lucky and he'll help fix this for you but even if he doesn't then at least he knows what has happened.

                              I hope it doesn't hurt the relationship between you and your SIL because it sounds like she needs your support but you have to do what is best for your family and hopefully she will understand that.
                              Big ((((((((((hugs))))))))))) Such a horrible mess you have to deal with.
                              Christine



                              I have been diagnoised for 6 1/2 years now. I have taken a long break from the ICN but really miss helping out my fellow IC patients and want to get back into posting.
                              1st hydro 4/07 showed no visible signs of IC but tons of mast cells in all my biopsy samples which did prove IC.
                              2nd hydro 4/13/09 showed dark purple glomerulations and I had a capacity of 450 cc's. This hydro proved that my IC had progressed.
                              I have tried every oral medication as well as rescue instills and DMSO.

                              I have been lucky enough to see Dr Hanno, the top IC specialist in PA who has told me due to the fact that I have not responded to any "standard" treatments that I have a severe, end stage case of IC with a horrible quality of life (didn't have to tell me that last part!)

                              Proud wifey of Shane, mommy to Griffin, and step-mom to Logan and Gage
                              Also proud mom to the best Bullmastiff on earth, Claus

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X