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    replied
    Tracey,
    I have found another part of family patterns are to blame the daughter-in-law for being the problem, when it is actually the MIL. Many times MILs will be abusive when no one else is around, so it is easy to blame you. I just wanted to make sure you haven't been so poorly treated that you are blaming yourself unfairly. Maybe you could step back and ask someone outside the family what they think. Please don't blame yourself if it isn't your fault.

    I am sorry you are going thru this!

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    Originally posted by Tracey83 View Post
    Ads, I would agree with you much of the time especially when I have been extremely hurt by my MIL, but due to past issues, it always comes back to me being sensitive or mishearing or something...

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  • Claredale
    replied
    Ads, I would agree with you much of the time especially when I have been extremely hurt by my MIL, but due to past issues, it always comes back to me being sensitive or mishearing or something. I posted a long MIL story a few minutes ago. My husband and I are going to go speak to our pastor to see how to handle the latest isssue. My hubby is going to try to say something again, but like many of you, my MIL is more than just evil and never admits any unkindness, etc. What is so funny is that her mother was horrible. She had just 2 daughters. My mother-in-law has 3 sons with 2 of them married (happily). The other son spends alot of time with "free room and board" due to his drug and shoplifting habits, so I don't foresee her having much in the way of help when she gets older. My sister-in-law and I already make jokes about how our husbands that can't even make their minds up about what to get their mom for mother's day since they depend on their wives are going to do when their mother is elderly and needs care. I have already warned my husband that she will be put in a home or have nursing care. Both the in-laws have long-term care insurance. (Thank God that my FIL was an insurance agent! I certainly won't be there to change her diaper! I can just hear myself say "you aren't really sick", or I didn't realize that you couldn't eat sugar...I forgot that you were a diabetic! etc!!! Just like she has done to me for years. She loves to fix Italian food when she invites us for dinner, so I have learned to bring my own food when we are invited since she always forgot that I was so "picky"!.

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    replied
    Husbands should set boundaries with their own mothers!

    Many family counselors will say it is the responsibility of the husband to confront his own mother over issues like these. It is not the wife's position to set boundaries with the MIL. If it were my mother being a witch, then it would be my responsibility to set boundaries and work out reasonable behavior. When the husband doesn't step up to the plate when his own mother is mistreating his wife and wrecking any normal family boundaries, then he is part of the problem. Him not taking action is equal to him just sitting back and letting someone abuse you. Speaking from a great deal of experience...

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  • ABliske
    replied
    i AM so sorry for you Christine!!! You have your MIL in the house with you! YIkes!! Oh, that has to be hard. I think I'd move out and have my hubby come visit me if his mom moved in!!!
    Good luck with it! My MIL was actually handcuffed and taken into the pysch ward a few summers ago. She got really worked up about not being invited on our camping trip. She would hate camping - believe me! she called my husband and confronted him about it and he said, "Come along. ... Mom I'll come pick you up! Etc." He was being totally welcoming. She said she went out and bought all kinds of camping gear and stuff for the trip thinking we were all going. I can see how her feelings got hurt because my FIL was invited - they are divorced. It's just that he plans the whole thing basically and how weird would it be for him if she was there?
    ANyway, I know how difficult MILs can be. I think you should tell her the cats will be fine. If you're paying the bills, it's your call. Don't let her walk all over you!

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  • GriffsMommy
    replied
    Okay,
    Well I thought it was weird that my MIL was being so nice to me over the weekend. It's kinda of one of those things like you are waiting for the other shoe to drop. She's kinda crazy so you never know what will set her off.
    Well yesterday morning I got up and found her air conditioner still on in her room (we don't have central air so we have to have window units.) She leaves for work at like 6:30am and doesn't get up till like 4pm. So I went into her room and shut it off and told hubby about it. He said that he would talk to her about it. Well I guess he did and she did turn it off this morning but she called him on her lunch break being a big pain in the a** about the whole thing and how the kids had to go change the position of her fan in her room to try to keep it cool. Hello, she's gone all that time but she wants to leave the AC on, she's going to cost me a furtune. My electric bill literally doubled from the last bill to this one and it hasn't even gotten really hot yet. She thinks that she should be able to keep it on so her cats aren't hot. They like the heat! The go out in the hot hallway anyway!! Not to mention the fact that they are cats, they can handle the heat, she has her window open and a fan going, they'll be okay. I said if she wants to add about $75 a month to her rent then she can leave it on all day, of course she doesn't like that answer.
    That's the small thing, when I got home MIL was heading up to her room, hubby taking a nap on the couch and Logan, oldest step son is downstairs, so is Griffin and step-daughter Miranda. Miranda is on the phone. Apperantly she said something was "gay", we don't like them using this word so Logan told her not to, she then mumbled something underneath her breathe. Whenever she does this it's because she's saying something nasty she's not supposed to say so people won't hear it. Logan called her on it. I asked her what she said, she called him a name, I yelled at her for it as well as some other crap that she has done this week. I guess she goes upstairs and cries to her grandmother about it. MIL comes downstairs and comes in the kitchen all loud and says "We need to clear this up right now!!" Clear what up? She thinks I yelled at her for something else. She says she was downstairs when it happened, no you weren't this was a different incident from what she was talking about. I could not believe how she got all loud with me, from what Miranda had told you, mind you that Miranda is practically a pathological liar!! We ended up having a screaming match while I was trying to cook dinner! Ugh!!
    Sorry so long, feel better after complaing about it though!

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  • ABliske
    replied
    This X-Mas was awful and uncomfortable because my MIL baked up a big old breakfast, but would not sit down to the table. We were all sitting with the food around the table and my MIL was on the phone with her mom making exasperated sighs and so on. She makes a big fuss over nothing - all the time. So, her husband goes, "Okay, well lets just eat."
    His son was like, "really?"
    FIL goes, "Well, pick at it."
    She kept a room full of guests sitting around the table waiting for her for, for like 45 minutes or more. My brother-in-law's girlfriend said later she could tell no one wanted to be there.
    The phone conversation was about how the grandma couldn't make it and wanted MIL to pick up her gifts. So much drama over nothing.
    I have many more! I want to read all yours, but haven't gotten a chance yet.

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  • SandyRN
    replied
    Jess, I've got 2 sons and while it will be a while before either get married, I can assure you there is no way I will be one of those MIL's....I've learned how NOT to be, and know that I'll never be that way, ever, ever, ever.

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  • ICNJess
    replied
    Meme...

    I have just one thing to say. GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  • meme
    replied
    Wow! I feel really good about my MIL now! I was just telling my friends this weekend about how she always feeds me outdated food and then tells me about it to gross me out. A few weeks ago she fed us tacos then afterward told us how she scraped mold off the salsa before she served it (gag). Compared to you all's I got a keeper though! I actually have to tell hubby to not be so hard on her. I have learned though to never eat what she's cooked!

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  • GriffsMommy
    replied
    Oh my lord Mary!! That has got to be the worst thing I have ever heard of ANY family member doing to someone else!! I think I would have ripped her throat out for trying to get my babies taken away from me.
    Even if my MIL is nasty sometimes and doesn't usually compliment people she knows that I'm a good mom and that I work really hard and need a break sometimes. She's the one that told me on Saturday morning that sometimes you just have to listen to your body and get the rest you need (I couldn't drag my butt out of bed until almost 10 am, I was just soooo tired).

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  • tigger_gal
    replied
    (((((((((((mary)))))))))))))) yup you topped them all.. now I am grateful, my kids aren't family lol..

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  • ICNJess
    replied
    OMG Mary how horrible! What a spiteful woman full of hatred!!!! I'm just in shock...what a psycho!!!!

    I am so sorry you went through all of that. What a mess. And then to say that to her son on her deathbed...my God...

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  • mary124
    replied
    Here is mine, it might just top all of yours--- I don't know as I haven't read all of the stories, just glance though them.

    When my MIL was alive she was the WORST!! Before her son and I was married she thought I was the greatest thing to slice cheese (or whatever!!)
    but after we got married all H--- broke loose!) first it started with her not getting an invite to the wedding--she did they just received one for the family, I mean, I was not going to send one to each member of the household when they all lived there.
    then the kids came along, well, apparently we didn't feed them right, she was on a health food kick, which is fine, I'm not knocking it, but you can only go so far. She wanted my kids to stay with her and not for just a night but for weeks, month, but for ever, (they were just babies!!) she was trying to keep the kids and raise them as hers, as her first daughter who had a baby many years ago did something and somehow Mom convence a Judge that the daughter wasn't in her right mind to raise a child.(Mom got guardianship of the kid) after awhile things quieted down and she moved near us! My husband thought wow, we have a built in baby sitter for the kids, by then, we were getting along ok, so I said with 2 kids in day care during the summer it was going to be tough, so she watched them, but the problem with that was that she would keep them from like 7am to 11pm at night (right before my husband came home from work (he was self employed so he worked long hours drove out of town lots of nights) this of course, caused a lot of fights between my husband & me and when we had it out with the 3 of us, my husband took her side, and when I asked him why, he said that he could put up with me and my yelling then with her!! I don't know how long this went on, but one day she called CPS on us, and said I was abusing my youngest son on such and such days, (now, on these days she had my kids!!-- how stupid can you be??) Luckily, I worked even then for the State and had friends in CPS but given that it was a Friday my friends couldn't help so I had to go thru the routine. My kids had to be seperate from me for the whole weekend and stay with a relative --guess who?-- her!!) finally on the Monday my case was assigned to a worker and they looked at it, and said "they couldn't do that as they knew who I was and that the allegations was all wrong they knew what was going on plus the fact that on the days that were mentioned I was in the hospital (yes the hospital having surgeries since these were 2 different allegations- so of course had doctors notes as well) when all was said and done I did get the kids and the Supervisor and the police said to me said to go get my kids and NEVER, EVER LET HER SEE THEM AGAIN (IN fact, they said I would never let HER see them at all) so we went to go get them; we had trouble getting them as she believe that she was right and all of us were wrong so we had to call the social worker and the police to come and get them from her. This was a long time ago (kids were 5 and 9 -- they are now 19 and 23 but you never can forget something like this--even my husband can't forgive his mom). The few times that we seen her in public she looked at us and or the kids with hatred on her face, and when my eldest went overseas my brother in law who is the only one we talk to said that he talked to their Mom and her response was "who is Eddie? he said your son's and his wife first child. She said I don't have a Son name Joe and a DIL name Mary and I don't have a grandson name Eddie. "

    Now how sad is that? She died recently, and of course Joe went to go see her, right before and she opened up her eyes just for a second and told him to go to he--!! The family took her ashes to be placed with his fathers when she died, and he told me he said "you know, I wish I could forgive her for what she did to you and the boys but I just can't. I hope she riots in H---"

    Now that she is gone, we do talk to my Sister in Laws now and then, one of them I really don't associate with as much, but the other one when she can she will call me and check on me as she knows that I am ill. Both know how she treated me and both keeps telling me how sorry they are, but still.

    I am sorry this is so long. But this is my Worst Mother in Law story.

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  • ICNJess
    replied
    LOL You're safe here, Donna--we love you!

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    replied
    Dr. Phil's website has a lot of great info on MILs and it seems to be on of his top show subjects. His website has useful info for free.

    I wish you the best in dealing with your mean MILs.

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