Sorry, another story.

[CoyoteMystro]

I was thinking, which I do quite often as I have no life to tend to.. Anyways, I was thinking about how hard it is for me to live my life without a mate, someone to hold me and comfort me in my darkest moments. Then I also thought of how wrong it'd be in a way, because having a mate would mean he'd be going through the pain of having a mate in pain and having to deal with my limitations.

So this leads to a question I wanted to ask of those that are married.. How hard is it on the marriage and how hard is it to relate with your spouse knowing how much they must hurt knowing you're in pain and that there's little they can do about it?

Everyday, I wish I could, by chance, meet the guy of my dreams. Someone that could take care of me for the rest of my life and love me no matter how bad off I am. Someone that would do everything he could to help me through this struggle, but I worry about how much of a strain the relationship would be in.

First off, I'd be scared about the intercourse part. Being gay, I won't go into details about that, but I'm sure it'd be painful for me just the same, which means I'd either have to go through days of pain to please my man or have him be selibate, which I wouldn't feel is fair.

Second off, there's the fact that I couldn't travel with him or go anywhere special with him.

Third off, the fact of knowing how much he'd be hurting inside because of knowing how much pain I'm in. Knowing that I may never recover from this and may never be able to live a full life with him.

Anyways, enough rambling about my lonliness. I just wanted to know how some of you feel about your relationships and marriages and stuff. I hear there's a husband here on the boards that takes care of his wife and does everthing he can possibly do for her, I believe it's "IH8IC" or something, I think that is so great. I hope I'm lucky enough to find someone like that.

Anyways, enough rambling, let's here the comments.

[ICNDonna]

I had been married only two years when I was diagnosed with IC. I think dealing with IC has actually made our marriage stronger. I have never doubted for even one moment that my husband loves me no matter what. And he is always here to take care of me when I need it. He has also had several major surgeries, including open heart, and I was able to take care of him. The thing is - we are a team and we can face almost anything as long as we have each other.

Please don't be afraid to reach out and form a close relationship with someone. It's definitely possible.

Donna

[dyno]

I have had IC all my adult life and IC and relationships are possible. You need open communication but there is no reason you can't have a meaniful, full life.

Jolene

[ICNJess]

I am gonna tell this story even though we're talking right now on yahoo, lol! I got married two weeks before my official dx of IC. My husband and I have been together for 4 years, when my IC really kicked in. I was urinating every 10 minutes some days, intercourse was painful, and so was life in general...ugh.

He knew what he was dealing with, and he still wanted to stay. Our vows included the same old "in sickness and in health"...if only the person officiating the wedding really new. Hubby is there for me when I need him, and one night, while sobbing uncontrollably and feeling sorry for myself, I blurted out, "If you want a divorce, I will gladly give you one, this is no way to live, for you OR me."

What I heard next still tugs at my heart strings. "In sickness and in health...I took those vows seriously. And I love you, I want to be here for you. You will get better, I just know it." Well...I can't say that I've gotten better, but I am on my way...and you'll get better too!! I know you're gonna find the man of your dreams...don't lose the faith!

Hugs,
Jess

[Iris]

Hi there, I have been married a long time, and just was diagnosed with IC last year. My husband went with me to all my medical appointments and accompanied me to the ER on several visits, he was supportive of me and kept watch on me all the time I was going through so much pain. When I finally had my surgeries to find out what was going on, as he was sitting in the corner after I had come out of recovery, my daughter who was also there at the time, said "there is Dad sitting in the most uncomfortable chair with Mum all this time, and just sitting so he can be near her when she needs him not moving for at least 9 hours, that is what I call true love". That made me feel good, I was such a long time in recovery but he never moved evidently, cause I was still pretty much out of it when I did come around. When I came home that same day he cooked, ran around getting anything I needed and then took care of me as a I had a catheter in as well. So you can find someone I am sure to love you and be with you through all the ups and downs, like Donna said her and her husband are a team, so is my husband, he know when to be there, and when to step back when I need my space to be on my own at times when I do not feel that great and do not want company. Take heart I am sure you will find a partner out there who will travel the road of IC with you,and love you through sickness and in health. Take care Iris hi grouphug

[Katrina]

Hi, my IC was at its worst only 3 months into my marriage. Nonethe less concorring this huge problem early gives us the strength to believe that even though majoirty divorce, we will not. Sometimes IC can be part of the strength in a relationship. Even though it has caused many difficulties, climbing those mountains together is a strength not many get to so early in a marriage. You can have a relationship w a man, You need to have the strenth w/in you to allow someone else to be a part of your strength. A big part of making a realtionship w IC work is knowing the patient is not the only one affected. Sometimes, I help my husband through the problems IC causes.
I know you have it in you to have a great realtionhip too.
Best of Luck,

Katrina

PS Don't have guilt because of the pain IC causes someone you love. IC is not your fault. You are still worthy of having a man. grouphug

[tigger_gal]

I hope you find what you are looking for, communication is very important. I have been married to hubby 2 for 4 years togeather 5, 3 of them were hell and a living nightmare, but we won't go there.. He has realized that my pain is real, and has figured out how to make sex (mostly)pain free and more enjoyable for me. We have our days thats the reality of life, but, to put it all in a nut shell, I'd never trade him for anything. Love needs patience and understanding, amungst everything else. Your partner will come along in due time, just be honest about your IC.
Brat