I would lay in bed and cry. I felt like I was ready to give up. I was done.. See I got married to this man in Feb of 2006. I knew in the beginning of the relationship that it was not a god healthy one because he would constantly throw things or break things.. But I guess I figured maybe if I give him what he wants he will not hurt me.. so I married him.. (biggest mistake of my life).. See I had suffered from bladder pain long before I met him but after I met him I could not even fuction and I could not figure out why. I thought it was the IC and that it had just gotten worse over the years. Which part of that was true.. I do have a severe case of IC.. I had surgery (hydro) and I still felt worse.. I was falling apart on a daily basis.. See after we got married things just got worse not better.. he had never hit me before we got married.. But he would call me every single name in the book and made me feel like I was worthless and nasty.. Then one day he started hitting me.. kicking me.. pulling hair out of my head.. throwing plates at me.. threatening to put my head through the computer monitor.. anything you could think of he was doing to me.. We also found out after he left that he was poisioning me.. I was not strong enought to stand on my own and tell him to go.. see I would keep from my family what was really happening in my house.. I was not aloud to call my kids (who at this point live with my dad and stepmom) I was not aloud to talk to my family.. he would disconnect the phone line if I was on the phone and not paying total attention to him at all times.. Things just kept getting worse.. one day I happened to be on the phone with my cousin when my puzzle I was working on went sailing across the house and plates started flying at my head and lit candles were also flying.. I said (Carlene I gotta go I will call you later.. she said what is wrong..knowing full well that there was something going on.. I said nothing I just have to go..) she came over that night and got me.. and said when are you calling the cops.. I was scared to death.. I did not call the cops this was on a Thursday.. By Friday I finally got the guts to say you know what I have had enough.. I am done.. you need to either get in the car and go to the hospital and tell them you are beatting your wife or get the hell away from me now.. well by sunday.. he had still not gone to get help and his family did not want to help get his ass back to Illinois so he said "Fine you find me a way to get home and I will go" so within 15 mins my family had him packed and going to the train station to go home...:woohoo: We then found out what was really happening in my house.. Between the beatings and poisioning me I was also an emotional wreck.. But he is gone.. FOR GOOD!!!
After he left it was like a 1000% turn around.. I felt alive and well I got out of bed everyday.. I kept my house clean (which I had not done in so long cause I was sooo sick).. I went for walks.. I did so much I could not understand why I felt so wonderful.. I even got to have my kids for the first time and enjoy having them because I could get out of bed and play with them...
Yes I still have pain and I have days where I just do not want to do anything.. but you know what.. I push through the pain and continue on.. I have since moved to NV.. I ended up getting back together with my oldest daughters daddy who has been trying to get me for the last 10 yrs..hehehe finally gave in and you know what I made the best choice of my life getting back with him.. he is the most loving compassionate person I know..
So as far as my IC goes I am living life to the fullest and not letting the IC win!!!!!!
Sorry this was so long...
HUGS AND LOVES
