sexual abuse and ic???

[MelissaT]

I know this is a very sensitive subject but I have no one else to ask. I was hurt when I was about 4 years old. I have had abdominal pain for as long as I can remember. I was married at 18 and was a virgin. The pain was unbareable. I had a dr. tell me that the pain I was having was because I was a virgin when I got married. I was young and had no one to talk to about it so I believed her, until I realized that everyone is a virgin at one time or another it doesn't matter if your married or not. The reason I am telling all this is because I was wondering if my abuse could have caused the problems with my bladder. I asked my dr. once and she said that she didn't know.
I went to dr. after dr. but could never find any help. Most dr.s told me to have a hyst. so I finally did in 2003. It didn't help. I finally was sent to a gyn. who diagnosed me with ic. (after about 15 minutes). He asked me how many dr.s I have been to. I couldn't tell him, there were so many. I was sent to an ic specialist in my area and she also diagnosed me with fibromyalgia. I am in so much pain that I can hardly manage my life. I am taking about 20 medicines a day. I also have asthma, chronic sinus (2 surgeries), irritable bowel, degenerative arthritis in my back and neck, and I had to go to my rheumatologist today and she thinks that I also have rheumatoid arthritis or lupis. So I have more meds. I am so depressed!!! I work full time. I teach kindergarten. I don't know how I am going to be able to keep working. I went to a massage therapist and she asked me if I had suffered a traumatic experience as a child. She was the first person I have talked to about it in a long time. She thinks that the stress from that is causing a lot of my problems. Has anyone else been told this? She told me that I need to talk about it to get over it. I have been reading the posts and everyone seems so helpful. I just dont know what to do. I have a wonderful husband and 3 great children. My husband has been with me through it all, (bless his heart). I am sorry this is so long. I just couldn't stop once I got started. I hope it makes sense. I hope that I haven't offended anyone, that wasn't my intention. I just want it all to make sense.

MelissaT

[beandip]

Melissa,

I too have IC and I have had one episode of sexual abuse, plus a lot of abuse in general. I can only give you my opinion. I think IC is a physical condition that may be aggravated by stress, which I'm sure includes abuse. I was reading one book that said having a history of sexual abuse can cause your pelvic floor muscles to tense up, and as a consequence, can cause spasms hence pain. When I was in the period of time during the abuse, I had pain with sex.

I don't think anyone really is absolutely sure what causes IC. My guess is that there are several different factors. I mainly try to search for anything and everything that can help me feel better.

What I really want to say to you that no one deserves to have that kind of history. My heart goes out to you. I'm glad that you have a good husband to see you through it.

Colleen

[ICNDonna]

As with any physical problem, stress can be an irritant. Most people with IC find symptoms increase during stressful times. I know I do.

I do suggest that you see a counselor to help you work through your feelings about being sexually abused as a child. I know it can leave emotional scars that last for many, many years --- especially if the abuser was someone you trusted.

Warm encouraging hugs are headed your way.

Donna

[leelee88]

Melissa,
Let me start with this, You are a very brave woman to come forward and talk about sexual abuse, some people go their whole lives with abuse all bottled up inside..

I for one did and still find it very hard to discuss, but I am learning that the more I talk about it the more I heal..

I dont know if the abuse had anything to do with me having IC because I was just dg with it at the age of 36, but I do remb as a child always having to go pee..I believe stress is one of the main causes of IC or shall I say it plays a big part of IC. When I found out I had it, I was going through one of the most stressful times in my life..

I dont think anyone knows the true cause of IC, some think its a bunch of disorders or diseases..
Well if you need anything just let me know.
(((((hugs)))))

[ICLori]

Hi, Melissa, I'm sorry the sexual abuse happened to you, too. (It happened to me by my brother and later by my father.) I agree with Donna that a counselor really helps a lot. I do still struggle with depression and PTSD, but a counselor really makes a big difference. It's like having someone on your side as you are working through your feelings.

I think it's an interesting question if some stressful situations contribute to the body developing various diseases. I think if the scientists came up with some study to say it's true, I wouldn't doubt them. I personally think it might be possible there is a connection - I think when we go through a lot of really heart-breaking, soul-killing stuff, we release chemicals related to the stress, and perhaps those chemicals, staying in our body for long-term, cause some changes in our body. But who knows? Maybe someday research will be done on this topic.

I wish you healing of body and soul.

Blessings,
Lori

[MelissaT]

Thank you all so much. I think it helps to talk about it. It is a very hard thing to do and I haven't shared this with many people. I always felt guilty, like I had done something wrong. I know that I didn't do anthing wrong but it's easier to blame myself. I really appreciate your responces.

MelissaT

[DaniBelle]

The pain women must endure..

do we not have enough to go through as children, then someone violates us and devastates our lives? I've been thinking alot lately about my childhood. I've always had problems with having sexual relations. I detach myself from the 'situation' ....for the past 5 mo., I've not been able to have it at all so that's REAL detached! My pain mgt. doc and my Gyn say "No sex"....be creative. I agree. I can't stand even 'topical' sex (surface). I always wondered, when I got married, why I would 'leave' the situation and go somewhere safe in my mind during intercourse, but as I've gotten older, the pieces are fitting together. I know alot of the apprehension and fear of pain stems from having bladder problems/surgery since I was about 5. My Uro would have to do some sort of instillation 2 times per month which hurt like hell. He was really mean too and didn't need to be treating children. He was the best Uro around though. My Mom came real close to castrating him once though, when he was being real short tempered and mean with me. You know, I just didn't feel like having something that felt like soap and alcohol poured into my bladder that day....o.k.???? Soooo, I understand, I have grown up with a fear of anyone 'messing' with that area. I am remembering, however, a teenage boy, who would get me alone in my backyard while the other kids were playing...then I black out. Whenever he came to visit near my house, I would pee my pants...I was only 3, but I know now that this reaction is one of trauma. Also, I think one of my Dad's co-workers or a neighborhood friend did something to me. When visiting a friend of mine last year, a neighbor of hers came over. We were standing in the backyard and he came up to me. His cologne almost literally made me throw up. He resembled one of our neighbors from years ago as well. He told my friend's husband he thought I was 'hot'. I almost threw up right away. I started gagging and kept smelling his cologne. There has to be something going on there. Of course it wasn't the same guy, but all these memories came flashing back to me. I've NEVER trusted men (except for my husband) and have always believed they are only out for one thing (even men in churches I've been a member of). I don't trust them and think they are fake. Whew, I've got alot of counseling ahead of me which should have been done a long time ago. So many children are molested (and killed - a 6 year old boy in GA recently), these molesters need to be sent to a remote island...they can abuse each other. It makes me so mad. A precious child is gone because they let these predators go free! Getting tired....gotta go rest.

Hang in there everybody.

[ICLori]

Hi, Dani, I'm sorry you are going through so much. Those blackouts are called dissociation by psychologists/psychiatrists, and it's your mind's attempt to protect you from painful knowledge. It's totally normal for the circumstances.

I applaud your courage in getting a counselor (I know it's hard) and I hope that your counselor will be able to help you heal and feel better.

Blessings,
Lori

[MelissaT]

Dani,
I am very sorry for the things that have happened to you. I also blacked it out. My therapist told me that when you are very young and something bad like this happens to you sometimes yu cant handle all the pain and your brain just wont acknowledge it. She also said that you usually begin remembering things when you get older. I also was afraid of men, but like you I trust and am not afraid of my husband. I'm glad that we both found someone we can feel safe with. I still don't remember everything, which is probally good. You will probally remember more as time goes on. It is good to remember. When you remember you can deal with it and get on with your life. You need to talk about it with someone safe. It helps to realize that you are not the only one and that you didn't do anything wrong. I am sorry that we had to go through this, but I promise it does get better.

MelissaT

[leelee88]

I did the same thing, I didnt remember all the details until I started having a relationship with my first real boyfriend.. We had decided to have sex and I became really tence and started freaking out...Thats when the memories started hitting me...

I have overcome the abuse and have been able to have a good relationships..So there is hope..
If any of you need anything and want to talk about please remember you are not alone and I am here for you...

[MelissaT]

Leelee,
How did you overcome the abuse. I am doing a lot better now than when I first started to remember, but I still have bad days and weeks. I don't really have anyone to talk to about it.
At first my sister didn't believe me. Then she went to a therapist and mentioned it to her. My sister couldn't believe that I didn't remember and why I didn't tell anyone.
Her therapist told her that people usually begin remembering at about the age of twenty or at the beginning of sexual activity.
She started to believe me then. She started having bad feelings and memories and believes that something might have happened to her as well.
She doesn't like to talk about it, I think she is afraid that she will remember something that she doesn't want to. Her therapist said she didn't think that she had been sexually abused but she thinks that something bad happened to her.
My husband is very supportive but he doesn't understand why it still bothers me. I try very hard not to let him know but sometimes I just can't handle it.
Sex also aggrivates my ic. I take an antibotic after sex but it doesn't work all the time. The pain is almost unbareable. I actually took an ice pack with me to the drs office. I know I associate this pain with the pain I had as a child, but I don't know how to stop.
I know this is a lot of personal info but I need help. I would be very grateful for any info.

Thanks,
Melissa

[PurpleKitty]

I rarely post, shy I guess, but this post caught my eye and I HAD to reply. Needless to say this is a really difficult topic to discuss... but there is hope and help out there. I applaud you Melissa for bringing up this topic and giving those of "us" that have gone through it the courage to speak up and have a place to share. Finding the right therapist has been a lifesaver for me, that and reading the book, "Miss America By Day" by Marilyn VanDebur. This book literally saved my life, if you've not read it please do. It is one of the most touching and couragous stories of sexual abuse survival I have ever heard of. It is also extremely healing and gives words to so many of the feelings, memories, pains,shame, guilt... that we feel and often can't express to those we love or the medical profession. There are even separate chapters especially for health care providers on how to deal with abuse survivors, how to approach them, what to say, how to examine them... and chapters on dealing with the family, things to say, things to never say.... My therapist suggested I read it and believe me I have made tremendous strides in recovering from severe PTSD after reading it, my husband also read it. He cried almost everytime he read it, he told me that for "the first time in more than 20 yrs of marriage he can finally understand what I went through and why it was so devastating for so many years. " He has always been very understanding, but this book really helped him understand ALL of the feelings and physical responses that are associated with abuse. He told me so many times he knew it was bad, but could never understand just how bad it was until this book. Marilyn has a very special way of putting things into words so they are very easy to understand yet really make sense and are very accurate. The author also reads and answers each and every e-mail sent to her, we've been in contact on numerous occasions and she's wlaked me through many steps in my recovery. PTSD is a very difficult thing to overcome, but it is possible and with right therapist and support it will improve. I can say that from experience, my life went from one where I never felt whole, "zoned out" all the time when I was touched or went to the Dr... to one of joy, true joy. I still have a long way to go, still have a lot of physical pain to deal with, but I can truly say I am happy to be alive, I have many positive things in my life and for the first time feel no shame or guilt in what happened to me, I KNOW in my heart I hold zero responsibilty for "his" actions. People have been telling me this for years, I thought I believed it, but now I can say I really KNOW it and that is a huge a change for me.

If anyone would like to talk or share please feel free to PM me anytime. We can get through this together as long as we have love, support and acceptance.

[leelee88]

Melissa..
To be honest with you I overcome what happen to by forgiving the person who done it to me.. And by NO means was that easy.. I had to forgive him for myself so I could begin to heal. I knew if I didnt then the pain and hurt would never go away.. I still have thoughts about it, but I dont have that pain wrenching guilt feeling when I think about it..
Also I think getting it out and talking about it has helped me also.. I use to never talk about it to noone..
But I have found that the more I talk about it the easier it gets...
I hope this helps you and like I said im here if you need me

[Moonheart]

I was sexually abused by a "friend's" neighbor when I was 10-11yrs old, and also by the "friend" herself. I also saw her abusing my younger brother. I black out also. Right after she leads me into her neighbors basement, I see lots of porn magazines and then everything goes black.

My daughter was molested by my husband a couple years ago, and now she too is showing "bathroom issues" and getting pain in her stomach and other areas.

It makes me so angry that it keeps being perpetuated. My husband was molested at the same age he molested my daughter, by his brother. It just seems like the cycle has to end somewhere, but it never does.

[Moonheart]

I was sexually abused by a "friend's" neighbor when I was 10-11yrs old, and also by the "friend" herself. I also saw her abusing my younger brother. I black out also. Right after she leads me into her neighbors basement, I see lots of porn magazines and then everything goes black.

My daughter was molested by my husband a couple years ago, and now she too is showing "bathroom issues" and getting pain in her stomach and other areas.

It makes me so angry that it keeps being perpetuated. My husband was molested at the same age he molested my daughter, by his brother. It just seems like the cycle has to end somewhere, but it never does.

I wanted to add after reading Baileyrose's post, that my Uro KNEW as soon as he started talking to me and then examining me, that I had be sexually molested. He asked me point blank and has been really healing for me. He's extremely gentle and kind when exmamining me, and never makes me feel ashamed for my reactions or anything. He's really a Godsend. I feel like he's a grandfather type or something. Just a real dear.