Sometimes I do not know how to deal with having IC, and now PFD and what to do with trying to multitask. I do research on campus, and at a hospital. I feel deep down that I have done a lot thus far, this is the third year of mine in the ph.d program. This past semester was a rough one though. I was diagnosed with cysto/hydro/DMSO instillation in July, and had issues recovering during that month. In August I started rescue instillations and had to find the right instill, and found that going to have the instill left me with pain so that I could not go back to work. I was finally allowed to do the instills at home in late August, and thought that my life could only go up.
Things were going to change, but they did not. Then in October I started having terrible back pain, clitoral pain, vaginal pain, and urinary issues. No one seemed to listen to me, and it seemed that my uro would just try to prescribe meds and it did not help. I started therapy on my back, and it helped. Then I just started pelvic floor therapy. I have an AMAZING PT. Last Friday I started having episodes of not being able to urinate, and I was scared. I had to cath everytime to use the restroom, and slowly got better over the weekend. I was prescribed valium to use vaginally, and I believe it is helping. I am going to see the urologist next Monday.
I guess I feel like my advisor, and people around me just don't understand or just don't believe me. Maybe it would be better for me to just bring a catheter to school and be on painkillers while working in a chemistry lab? Doesn't seem logical to me, but what do I know. I had a rough semester, so my grade suffered. Never happened before. My advisor mentioned that he thought I may have an issue graduating on time because of my health issues. I know that it takes 5 years to graduate with a Ph.D in Chemistry, but sometimes life leads you in different directions. My advisor used to be understanding, and it seems as though things have changed. I feel detached at work, and feel as though one person really cares. I have an amazing boyfriend, parents, boyfriend's parents and family who really care. I have felt so detached this past semester. Not myself. My anxiety and depression are worsening. I just want to deal with it all. I hope that next semester will be better. I missed out on several holiday parties with my labs, and felt terrible, but the pain was unbearable. Not to mention I did not know when I would have a urinary episode.
I am a strong person, and do not want to let any of this get in the way of my graduation. I just want to feel like someone cares about me. Try putting yourself in my shoes: learning to cath-daily, sometimes in order to urinate, taking medications that make you feel drowsy in order to make you feel better, it's hard. I decided to come home early for the holidays-my boyfriend drove me the 2 and a half hours to make sure I made it okay so that I did not have to drive myself. I am staying home for a week, in order to wind down, relax with parents, and spend time with family.
Twenty-four years old and I feel like I am 50. I hope the pelvic floor therapy helps, I was in tears this past Monday, and my PT cried with me. She knew I was in so much pain, and scared about everything. She listened to me, and cared for me. I have never felt that with a health care professional. She always makes me laugh when the internal massage is being done, and now I am learning to relax those muscles. Some days, I am frightened that I will get worse, and it will really become debilitating. Today was the first day in about a week that I have felt somewhat normal and no need to cath in order to urinate, just to do my instill. That felt great.
I just hope that the new year holds good fortune for all of us who are suffering, and for those who are in remission (that they will stay that way!).
Thanks for listening.
Erin
I am sorry if this is long, sometimes writing is therapeutic for me.
Things were going to change, but they did not. Then in October I started having terrible back pain, clitoral pain, vaginal pain, and urinary issues. No one seemed to listen to me, and it seemed that my uro would just try to prescribe meds and it did not help. I started therapy on my back, and it helped. Then I just started pelvic floor therapy. I have an AMAZING PT. Last Friday I started having episodes of not being able to urinate, and I was scared. I had to cath everytime to use the restroom, and slowly got better over the weekend. I was prescribed valium to use vaginally, and I believe it is helping. I am going to see the urologist next Monday.
I guess I feel like my advisor, and people around me just don't understand or just don't believe me. Maybe it would be better for me to just bring a catheter to school and be on painkillers while working in a chemistry lab? Doesn't seem logical to me, but what do I know. I had a rough semester, so my grade suffered. Never happened before. My advisor mentioned that he thought I may have an issue graduating on time because of my health issues. I know that it takes 5 years to graduate with a Ph.D in Chemistry, but sometimes life leads you in different directions. My advisor used to be understanding, and it seems as though things have changed. I feel detached at work, and feel as though one person really cares. I have an amazing boyfriend, parents, boyfriend's parents and family who really care. I have felt so detached this past semester. Not myself. My anxiety and depression are worsening. I just want to deal with it all. I hope that next semester will be better. I missed out on several holiday parties with my labs, and felt terrible, but the pain was unbearable. Not to mention I did not know when I would have a urinary episode.
I am a strong person, and do not want to let any of this get in the way of my graduation. I just want to feel like someone cares about me. Try putting yourself in my shoes: learning to cath-daily, sometimes in order to urinate, taking medications that make you feel drowsy in order to make you feel better, it's hard. I decided to come home early for the holidays-my boyfriend drove me the 2 and a half hours to make sure I made it okay so that I did not have to drive myself. I am staying home for a week, in order to wind down, relax with parents, and spend time with family.
Twenty-four years old and I feel like I am 50. I hope the pelvic floor therapy helps, I was in tears this past Monday, and my PT cried with me. She knew I was in so much pain, and scared about everything. She listened to me, and cared for me. I have never felt that with a health care professional. She always makes me laugh when the internal massage is being done, and now I am learning to relax those muscles. Some days, I am frightened that I will get worse, and it will really become debilitating. Today was the first day in about a week that I have felt somewhat normal and no need to cath in order to urinate, just to do my instill. That felt great.
I just hope that the new year holds good fortune for all of us who are suffering, and for those who are in remission (that they will stay that way!).
Thanks for listening.
Erin
I am sorry if this is long, sometimes writing is therapeutic for me.
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