Ok...this going to probable seem really stupid, but I'm hoping there are people out there who have been where I am and can offer some advice.

I was diagnosed with IC in 2003. After trying all the usual drugs and treatments...my dr started the BCG treatment. I know some people say it doesn't work for IC, but it did for me. I went into remission around December of 2005. I have lived IC free....COMPLETELY!!!! I have eaten and drank what I wanted and even began questioning if I ever really did have IC....although I have the ulcers and it has been diagnosed without question. My marriage has been wonderful and my life has been a real life since then.

Well, for about the last month I have been having bad pains, frequent urination and the whole bit...again. I have kept this information to myself. I can't bear to see the look in my husband's eyes when he looks at me once he is made aware. He is such a good and caring husband and took care of me better than a hospital could have before with my IC. Whenever I have a flare....there has been only one bad one...I just blame it on something else...a headache or such.

I can't go back to way life was before....it really scares me. I know my husband loves me and will do whatever he needs to to make me as comfortable as possible....I know my daughter will do whatever she can. But I don't want them taking care of me......I like taking care of them...I like being there for them. I haven't even shared my recent symptoms with my dr. Although my last visit to the dr showed blood in my urine.....that's when I knew.

I know I can't keep living in denial, but I will put off telling my family and friends as long as I can. But, I knew I could come on here and most of you would understand.

thanks for listening.