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I'm home crying & boyfriend is out partying

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  • I'm home crying & boyfriend is out partying

    I was just diagnosed on Wednesday and I don't think it had quite hit me yet.. but it's starting to.. and my boyfriend is an ass (i hope that word is allowed). I just started a new job (I've been exhausted working full-time for about two years now and didn't know why, I think IC has been part of the problem), I'm trying to move into a new place (move is currently 2 weeks behind schedule), I'm trying to raise two daughters plus a stepdaughter that might as well be mine... and HE IS NO SUPPORT WHATSOEVER.

    In fact, he becomes LESS SUPPORTIVE whenever I need him!!! Last month, during the attack/kidney infection, he talked to an old friendgirl of his while I was at the Urgent Care after my attack (with a fever over 103 the night before, I was too feverish & in too much pain to realize I should go to the ER).

    I'm always anxious meeting new people anyway, and tonight he wants to go to a giant party at his boss' house where the only people I will know are two of his friends. Add to that all the previously mentioned stress, plus the new anxiety as of late of whether I'll look stupid going to the bathroom every half hour, and will people notice me jump & wince when a streak of pain hits me... and I'm a mess. An utter complete mess. And he is an ass. I was so upset before the party that I started crying & he stood there & stared at me. I fixed my face & walked into the party w my kids & he ignored me for half an hour before I just said effit let's go. Took my girls and left. He watched me leave and stayed talking with his circle of friends.

    HE HAS NO IDEA WHAT I AM GOING THRU, I DON'T EVEN FULLY HAVE MY MIND WRAPPED AROUND THIS STUFF, AND HE MAKES NO ATTEMPT TO EVEN TRY TO UNDERSTAND. He totally shuts down when I get emotional. I just read that another newbie's husband spent all weekend on the computer researching to support her when she was dx'd and it made me want to cry again. Because that is how I am for my loved ones. When my ex was diagnosed with a brain tumor, I got so involved in finding out how to help him that I can now shoot the breeze with a neurologist like it's my job. And here I am in the same boat as my ex was, and I want that. I want someone to support me and fight for me the way I did for him.

    The biggest struggle is the realization that the pain is here to stay. I've dealt with it for a year and really kind of thought I'd go to the uro, they'd figure out the problem and it would be over with. Even when I thought maybe the residual constant ache was permanent from my kidney infection, I still didn't full believe that it would be like this the rest of my life. Sure, I know there's remission and stuff.. but I have to face the fact that I'll be managing this til I die. COnsidering what I eat, not being able to jump on the trampoline with my girls, etc. Not only does he not get it, but he doesn't seem to care to try to comprehend it. I'm really freakin hurt and fragile right now.

    That's all. Just had to vent.

    Oh, and my girls also noticed his complete lack of any attempt to comfort me when I was crying. So that's awkward too. Oh, and he said that he didn't try to hug me, or even ask what was wrong because I was "obviously in a bad mood and nothing was going to change it." Nice.... It's just a "bad mood."


  • #2
    Oh my as if this whole condition isn't hard enough to deal with by itself. Sorry to hear about your current lack of support from your boyfriend. Some people are just not very good about being around someone who is sick. Maybe he will come around at some point. My ex used to pretty much ignore me when I was sick- like I wasn't even there. I guess that's why he's now my ex instead of a current. I hope things get better for you.


    • #3
      I am so sorry to hear that he is very unsympathetic to your problems. That just doesn't seem right. You need all of the support you can get. Does he realize that this is a "real" thing? Maybe you can share some of the websites and real stories? I am so sorry you have to go through this!
      -Pammylynn Rose
      Wishing everyone a pain free bladder day!

      Painful symptoms start in May 2011
      Diagnosed with IC in Aug 2011

      Axert (only for rare migraines)
      Strict IC diet
      Gluten/dairy/egg free diet


      • #4

        Stay safe

        Elmiron Eye Disease Information Center -
        Elmiron Eye Disease Fact Sheet (Downloadable) -

        Have you checked the ICN Shop?
        Click on ICN Shop at the top of this page. You'll find Bladder Builder and Bladder Rest, both of which we are finding have excellent results.

        Patient Help:


        Diet list:

        AUA Guidelines:

        I am not a medical authority nor do I offer medical advice. In all cases, I strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.

        Anyone who says something is foolproof hasn't met a determined fool


        • #5
          imwood, I hate that your going through all of this, it may be that he doesn't know how to help you. Maybe you could print off some of our stories and he'll understand a little better.
          IC diagnosis 3 weeks ago.
          Vesicare 10 mg once daily
          IBS and Gerd-Zegerid
          IC diet
          Elmiron 100 mg three daily
          Hydroxyzine 25 mg at night
          Amitriptyline 10mg at night
          Diovan 60/12.5 daily
          Topral 50 mg daily
          Zoloft 100 mg at night
          Klonopin .5 twice daily


          • #6

            Well Honey I don't know how long you two have been together but IC is very hard in and of itself. Stress and anxiety only make it worse which he is causing you. I hope I am not being to forward but if he is not willing to read and learn more about this horrid disease then you should reevaluate your relationship and the future for support is so very important. I agree with the above posts, have him read about IC and others stories. I hope he is willing to open his mind and learn and be there for you. Atleast you have found this site with all these amazing people who feel for you and feel what you are going through. So no matter what you have all of us.........I will keep my fingers crossed for you!! And hope ofcourse that you are feeling better......



            • #7
              If he cannot handle you at your worst, then he doesnt deserve you at your best.

              you should tell him that! its very important to have a partner who is supportive and patient.

              I can sense frustration from mine sometimes and so I really try to be in a good mood when i am feeling well , and do extra nice things for him to sort of balance out the days when he is holding me crying and trying to calm me down during a flare.

              it is a good idea to re evaluate your relationship because after all, you have to do whats best for you and your healing.

              good luck
              28 years old
              UTI's for 10 years
              very bad urgency and frequency started Aug '10 Severe pressure, pain and burning in bladder, lower back, and thighs since May '11.
              endometriosis removed (Sept 15th)
              chronic pelvic pain since then
              I currently take: elavil 25mg mg at night
              clonazepam .25 mg daily for anxiety and nerve calming
              baking soda occasionally
              Marshmallow root tea/capsules occasionally
              other: heating pad/ice packs daily
              deep breathing
              pelvic phsyio since jan '12

              testing :cystoscopy ( urlogist said I have a small bladder but nothing abnormal)
              many..MANY urine tests that all determine I do not have an infection.

              ultrasounds for pre and post void (nothing abnormal)

              things I would like to try :MSM, silver, medicinal mushrooms


              • #8
                He sure sounds like a GIANT ass!! Im sorry you are hurting

                Hope you feel better soon

                Dont worry about ranting, we are all here to support you.

                28 yrs old,

                I have little to no problems now with my bladder, unless I am very stressed out, I forget to take Elmiron for a few days, or I eat or drink something that I know is a trigger...(i.e) like eating a tomato or drinking tea.... Took a long time to get here, but it IS possible to feel good again I just want people who are new to know that IT CAN get better, and for every one person who is suffering, there are hundreds of others who feel GREAT because they have control of thier IC.

                What Works: Tylenol 3's, Pyridium, Elmiron (Going on 4 years now!) HOT showers!!!

                Medications/ Vitamins: Elmiron-100mg 4x's daily Tylenol 3's/Advil (flaring) Vitamin D, WILD salmon oil 4x gels in the morning, Women's ONE a DAY multivitamin (the gummy kind doesn't make me flare) and PROBIOTICS!

                Me in my graduation gown!