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I was just diagnosed on Wednesday and I don't think it had quite hit me yet.. but it's starting to.. and my boyfriend is an ass (i hope that word is allowed). I just started a new job (I've been exhausted working full-time for about two years now and didn't know why, I think IC has been part of the problem), I'm trying to move into a new place (move is currently 2 weeks behind schedule), I'm trying to raise two daughters plus a stepdaughter that might as well be mine... and HE IS NO SUPPORT WHATSOEVER.
In fact, he becomes LESS SUPPORTIVE whenever I need him!!! Last month, during the attack/kidney infection, he talked to an old friendgirl of his while I was at the Urgent Care after my attack (with a fever over 103 the night before, I was too feverish & in too much pain to realize I should go to the ER).
I'm always anxious meeting new people anyway, and tonight he wants to go to a giant party at his boss' house where the only people I will know are two of his friends. Add to that all the previously mentioned stress, plus the new anxiety as of late of whether I'll look stupid going to the bathroom every half hour, and will people notice me jump & wince when a streak of pain hits me... and I'm a mess. An utter complete mess. And he is an ass. I was so upset before the party that I started crying & he stood there & stared at me. I fixed my face & walked into the party w my kids & he ignored me for half an hour before I just said effit let's go. Took my girls and left. He watched me leave and stayed talking with his circle of friends.
HE HAS NO IDEA WHAT I AM GOING THRU, I DON'T EVEN FULLY HAVE MY MIND WRAPPED AROUND THIS STUFF, AND HE MAKES NO ATTEMPT TO EVEN TRY TO UNDERSTAND. He totally shuts down when I get emotional. I just read that another newbie's husband spent all weekend on the computer researching to support her when she was dx'd and it made me want to cry again. Because that is how I am for my loved ones. When my ex was diagnosed with a brain tumor, I got so involved in finding out how to help him that I can now shoot the breeze with a neurologist like it's my job. And here I am in the same boat as my ex was, and I want that. I want someone to support me and fight for me the way I did for him.
The biggest struggle is the realization that the pain is here to stay. I've dealt with it for a year and really kind of thought I'd go to the uro, they'd figure out the problem and it would be over with. Even when I thought maybe the residual constant ache was permanent from my kidney infection, I still didn't full believe that it would be like this the rest of my life. Sure, I know there's remission and stuff.. but I have to face the fact that I'll be managing this til I die. COnsidering what I eat, not being able to jump on the trampoline with my girls, etc. Not only does he not get it, but he doesn't seem to care to try to comprehend it. I'm really freakin hurt and fragile right now.
That's all. Just had to vent.
Oh, and my girls also noticed his complete lack of any attempt to comfort me when I was crying. So that's awkward too. Oh, and he said that he didn't try to hug me, or even ask what was wrong because I was "obviously in a bad mood and nothing was going to change it." Nice.... It's just a "bad mood."
-Ivy
In fact, he becomes LESS SUPPORTIVE whenever I need him!!! Last month, during the attack/kidney infection, he talked to an old friendgirl of his while I was at the Urgent Care after my attack (with a fever over 103 the night before, I was too feverish & in too much pain to realize I should go to the ER).
I'm always anxious meeting new people anyway, and tonight he wants to go to a giant party at his boss' house where the only people I will know are two of his friends. Add to that all the previously mentioned stress, plus the new anxiety as of late of whether I'll look stupid going to the bathroom every half hour, and will people notice me jump & wince when a streak of pain hits me... and I'm a mess. An utter complete mess. And he is an ass. I was so upset before the party that I started crying & he stood there & stared at me. I fixed my face & walked into the party w my kids & he ignored me for half an hour before I just said effit let's go. Took my girls and left. He watched me leave and stayed talking with his circle of friends.
HE HAS NO IDEA WHAT I AM GOING THRU, I DON'T EVEN FULLY HAVE MY MIND WRAPPED AROUND THIS STUFF, AND HE MAKES NO ATTEMPT TO EVEN TRY TO UNDERSTAND. He totally shuts down when I get emotional. I just read that another newbie's husband spent all weekend on the computer researching to support her when she was dx'd and it made me want to cry again. Because that is how I am for my loved ones. When my ex was diagnosed with a brain tumor, I got so involved in finding out how to help him that I can now shoot the breeze with a neurologist like it's my job. And here I am in the same boat as my ex was, and I want that. I want someone to support me and fight for me the way I did for him.
The biggest struggle is the realization that the pain is here to stay. I've dealt with it for a year and really kind of thought I'd go to the uro, they'd figure out the problem and it would be over with. Even when I thought maybe the residual constant ache was permanent from my kidney infection, I still didn't full believe that it would be like this the rest of my life. Sure, I know there's remission and stuff.. but I have to face the fact that I'll be managing this til I die. COnsidering what I eat, not being able to jump on the trampoline with my girls, etc. Not only does he not get it, but he doesn't seem to care to try to comprehend it. I'm really freakin hurt and fragile right now.
That's all. Just had to vent.
Oh, and my girls also noticed his complete lack of any attempt to comfort me when I was crying. So that's awkward too. Oh, and he said that he didn't try to hug me, or even ask what was wrong because I was "obviously in a bad mood and nothing was going to change it." Nice.... It's just a "bad mood."
-Ivy
I just want people who are new to know that IT CAN get better, and for every one person who is suffering, there are hundreds of others who feel GREAT because they have control of thier IC. 
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