A little envious...

[stacey79]

Happy news in my world, but it's bothering me more than I realized. My older brother and his wife are expecting. We just found out it's a little girl and she's coming the first part of September. It's the first grandchild for my parents. Needless to say we're all excited.

But, I keep having moments when I'm crying about it. At first I thought it was PMS, but that's over. My hubby and I are pretty darn close to TTC. He turns 30 in a couple of weeks and I turn 28. We've been married almost eight years. It's just getting to be about time, you know?

I'm just so scared about the whole thing. Going off meds. My bladder get back out of whack to the point I can't work full-time any more. Passing on IC. You name it. We have been praying about the whole thing anyway. I completely trust God to take care of things when the time is right, but I've also learned that doesn't always mean it will be the easy way. (And I'm OK with that.)

Anyway, I just wondered if anyone else has dealt with this. I am very happy for my brother and SIL. And I'm excited to be an aunt for the first time. Yet, I'm weepy every so often. Any thoughts?

[Berkshire Road]

Well, first I want to open up and admit to you that I've been in that 'envious' place as well. Even though I had had one child, I had just been told it would be a really bad idea, medically, to have another (bc. of various health issues, not IC). My husband's sister announced that she was having HER second, and I was SO upset. I was almost angry, I was so jealous. So I kind of know what you're feeling and it does not make you a bad person. This is a very personal, passionate issue for most women. Of course you're going to feel something.

Next, I want to remind you that a lot of IC'ers do go into remission when pregnant. IC by itself does not preclude pregnancy. So don't despair. You could be next.

Don't beat yourself up about this. All that's required from you is to be nice about it in public. And I'm sure you'll love your new little niece as soon as you see her.

What a coincidence -- I am going to have a new niece in early September also! But now my little girl is 12 years old, and I'm at peace with not having another.

[waterflow]

I have the same problem. THere was a time when I stayed home unless I had to pay bills or get groceries because everytime I say a baby or a little girl holding the mothers hand I would start to cry. Seeing baby girls is the hardest as I have always wanted a girl. Frilly dresses and dolls and things. Girls seemed easier to handle too. I've taken care of boy toddlers and they seem to do a lot of crying. I have never had any children and won't be now due to age. I am happy for the people but I also know that will never be me and I missed out on something really special. Going through pregancy with IC is a scary thought I would think. Going off all meds and then not knowing how it will do to the bladder. I hope you can find a way to figure out what to do. Congrats on becoming an aunt too. That is special.

[stacey79]

I really am excited to become an aunt. How fun will that be?!

I just have those moments when I'm overly sad for some reason. I don't know that I have super strong feelings of envy or jealously. MOre it's just sad. But, sometimes it is a bit of envy. I guess more in general because I know my health issues will complicate pregnancy a bit. I suppose I'm envious of every healthy person sometimes like that!

A part of me also worries about passing on IC, even to my little niece. I pray about that, too. We have a history of bladder issues in my family, unfortunately.

It's so nice to know that I'm not alone in this. I know it's one of those things that even if my IC doesn't go into remission when the time comes that I'll be so happy in the end. After all, it's only nine months. Just right now I'm extra emotional about the whole thing for some reason. You are right in that is a personal and passionate issue for sure!

[shvlnose]

I know it can feel overwhelming at times, but hang in there! I was very worried about how/if I would be able to do the "kid thing" when I was diagnosed with IC... "I can't be on all these meds! I want kids!"

You will be fine. You will find a way. However, don't COUNT on going into remission. It might happen, it might not. Start talking to your doctors now. There may be certain members of your med cocktail that your doctor may let you stay on - you may not HAVE to be med free. It can also help to set up contingency plans... "I'll try and go med free, but if I'm suddenly pregnant and flaring I have options A, B, and C to choose from.." That sort of thing.

I pretty much went into my docs with a list of my meds and their pregnancy categories. I did my own research on www.rxlist.com. For the items that were definite 'no' drugs, we pretty much eliminated them entirely. For things in the questionable column, we looked for similar meds with lesser safety concerns. Learn about possible non-med options like accupuncture, biofeedback, or physical therapy.

If you are working closely with your doctor there may also be certain meds which you can take until you get a possitive preg test - THEN they want you to stop. It really just depends on your body, your med cocktail, and your doctor. Check with them and work out a plan. Doing so really helped me feel more in control of my body an the process.

BTW.. with all of that said, I am now pregnant and feeling OK for the most part - though I wouldn't call it a remission. I definitely still have bladder issues, have to watch my diet, and yes I'm taking some meds. I just wanted to let you know... please don't feel hopeless. It can be done.

Congratulations on being an "aunt-to-be." Hopefully you will get your turn to be mom soon.
Aly

[Sunflower2]

I think God has a plan for everybody

Stacey. I am very happy for your news. I can totally understand what you said. My hubby and I have been married for over 4 years. My hubby is 30 and I am 28, soon will be 29. Well.... my hubby's little sister got married last month. Now my hubby's parents keep asking us when they get to become grandparents. I feel definately pressure between my SIL and me. I am not going to compete with her. Yes, my sex life may not be great as newly wed couple because of my IC. When I was a kid, my deam was to be a mom before I hit 30. I still have this hope wheter this would become real or not. Well... this is something I cannnot control. Only God can. So if I don't get to be a mom by 30th birthday, that's his plan. I am not going to be stressed about it. To be honest with you, I feel sort of being passmistic about it. I cannot imagine if I do get pregnant, my IC will be WORSE or DISAPPEAR ??? I hope that I get the 2nd one. I believe that GOD has a plan for everybody. So keep your faith in him especially when this negative feeling try to take over you. Do let it happen to you.

[stacey79]

Thank you all for your words of wisdom and encouragement. I did talk with my uro when I was in there a couple of weeks ago. Just a casual sort of what do I need to know when we decide to start a family kind of question. He suggests I go off both the Elmiron and Ditropan XL. (That's all I take for my bladder right now aside from low-dose antibiotics for UTIs.) We didn't talk about the anitbiotics. I do, however, have a wonderful gyno who keeps up on all the latest. When we decide to start trying and have me go off the pill, I'll talk with him.

I am just continuing to pray that God will let us both know when the time is right. I agree that He has a plan, even if it doesn't always fit with ours. I've found that in so many ways in the past. And, of course, His plan is always better than what I had in mind anyway! Right now we're sort of in the phase where I feel pretty ready, but my hubby doesn't as much. Of course, it also depends on teh day. Sometimes I'm just too scared. And maybe a bit selfish. Even just having a dog has given us a small clue as to what parenthood will be like.

I will I could plan on going into remission when I got pregnant. I'm not trying to be negative Nelly, but I'm planning that I won't. Then if I do, it will be all that much better. Can you imagine if all us gals went into remission when pregnant? ICers would have such large families, I'm sure!

And sort of off topic, but still on, I think part of my problem with feeling sad is knowing that I probably won't be as close to my niece as I'd like. They live an hour and a half away. My SIL has two sisters she's close to who live nearby. I'm just guessing I won't be the go-to aunt. I have four aunts total. While I'm close to almost all of them, there's one I'm especially close to. My mom only has one sister and we were always with her and her family. She and my uncle are basically another set of parents to me. I think I always thought I'd have that with my nieces and nephews, but I don't think that will happen.

On the positive side, we are very close to my hubby's brother. We live in the same city and have the same interests. However, he is not yet married and approaching 35, so I'm not sure we'll ever have nieces or nephews from him. But, if we do, hopefully I can be their go-to aunt.

[melanie626]

Stacy-
Good luck- I agree with Aly about the meds and plans. Also, plan for the worst, hope for the best. I am 11 weeks and having a heck of a time, it has been hard. I did a lot of research, asked a lot of opinions and went with a plan that I could live with, that includes a lot of my meds. Know you have choices and that there are lots of people to talk to. You have to get through a pregnancy as healthy as able to have a healthy child- and meds and treatments may be part of that. Find a Gyn who will work with you and see if your Uro will still help (mine bailed on me as he doenst deal with prego women).

PM me if you have any questions, I interveiwed 4 MD's, picked one, she was bad, so found another, not how I wanted to do it but I have have learned ALOT. I have a great IC friend who is Prego now too and she has been a rock to have.

Cheers-
Melanie and Baby B

[Iris5]

Hi everone -

I was first diagnosed with IC in April 2003, and began taking Elmiron, Pyridium, Detrol, Macrobid, and alternated Flexeril and Vicodin for pain. I also tried antidepressants for pain, but could not take them. Finally, I found relief with meds, physical therapy, pain relief therapy (relaxation therapy), yoga, and switching jobs in 2005.

I gave birth to a healthy baby boy last August. Just before my pregnancy, my daily meds were Elmiron (3 pills a day) and Pyridium 2x a day, along with vicodin or flexeril as needed for pain and macrobid after sex (detrol discontinued). I also did weekly physical therapy with Rhonda Kotarinos (mentioned on this site) and daily relaxation therapy (see the book a Headache in the Pelvis - also on this site). While in remission near Thanksgiving, my husband and I decided to take a chance and try to get pregnant, and were successful on our first try. I figured I survived uncontrolled symptoms for 2 years, so I could do it again for 9 months with the promise of a baby at the end of it.

My gynecologist, who specializes in IC, said the Elmiron and Pyridium were safe, as well as the macrobid for infections. I questioned her about the Elmiron research that said that some babies were born with shortened limbs, but she said that the shortened limbs could be attributed to the way the test was performed, rather than the drug itself. Poking a hole in the amniotic fluid bag was what probably caused the defect, not the drug. She advised me to remain on the Elmiron and Pyridium because they were a class B. My urologist told me to get off the Elmiron because he was not comfortable with the research. Vicodin, a narcotic, is absolutely not allowed during pregnancy.

I decided to not take Elmiron. Instead, I took one 200mg pill of Pyridium everyday (I just couldn't totally get off it), stayed on a very strict IC diet, took no prenatal vitamins except folic acid (had to stay away from vitamin C) and kept up the weekly PT and daily relaxation to relieve pain. I also used the old IC home remedy of drinking water with a teaspoon of baking soda everyday. For the most part, I was in remission for most of my pregnancy. I did not seem to be worse off than my other pregnant friends. I think a combination of these therapies, along with the pregnancy hormones kept me in remission during my pregnancy. It is also well documented that many women go into remission during pregnancy. I had a couple of UTI's during my pregnancy, and took macrobid. I also took the last 2 months off of work, so the physical and emotional stress would not set me off.

I began all of my old medications (and did not breastfeed) the day after my delivery. Unfortunately, a few weeks after my delivery (8 weeks -right when my hormone levels returned to normal) I started flaring again. I had to wait a few more weeks for the drugs to kick in, and then I was in remission again. About 4-5 months after delivery, I was okay again. Up until recently, I have been totally fine (stupid spring sets me off every year), and am confident I will go back into remission soon.

Of course, your decision has to be your own. My doctors had conflicting opinions, so I told myself I'd go off the Elmiron and lower my Pyridium dose, but gave myself permission to back on it if I needed to. I was lucky that the hormones put me in remission, and I can only help that each of you would be equally lucky. Hope this helps you all!

[ABliske]

Your 1st post sounds the way I've felt a lot in the last year. My best friend had a baby and I cried after visiting her in the hospital because I was jealous of her beautiful family. I've been with my husband for 5 years. He's 33 and I'm almost 27. We have time though. You and me both - we have many years left. It's a really scary thing. I'm not sure I will have children because I don't know how I'll handle working while being pregnant and not being able to take strong pain killers for the IC.
Good luck with the situation you're dealing with. I'm sure it will all change when the baby's here. It has for me.

[stacey79]

I am feeling better about it. Not quite as weepy. My mom and I have started working on final plans for the shower this week (we're holding it July 7), and I've been OK with that.

My husband lost his job three weeks ago today, so that also gives me some perspective. Aside from healthwise, having a baby right now would be pretty much out of the question. You are right that we have plenty of time. It seems like lately I've been reading about or seeing women who became mothers well into their 30s. Sometimes I think I just feel older than my 28 years and think I'm running out of time. In truth, I'm not.

ANyway, it is nice to know I'm not alone. I am looking forward to being an aunt.

[Krisi]

I've had those sad feelings too. Everyone I know is having kids it seems. My husband and I were in a small group bible study for like young married couples. Every single person had at least one child. It kinda made us feel left out. I never explained what my problem was but I just said we can't have any right now. It hurts sometimes. Sometimes I wonder if I will have any chilren or if I can handle my disorders. Yesterday, I just got diagnosed with vulvodynia and pfd. I had IC for almost 4 years and I have had these other problems start around the same time and no one even thought to check. I hope now that they know I have it I will get some PT and some medicine and I am praying this nightmare will go away. I know that is asking alot but maybe if it doesn't go competely away maybe I will just not be in so much pain. Anyway, I know we have time to have children but I get scared sometimes when I have all the problems flaring at once and just think there is no way, what if I only get worse. I know that is not the attitude to have. I know I have to have hope.

Krisi

[ABliske]

I"m sorry to hear your husband lost his job. That has got to be really hard. I hope he can find another one soon.
I also held the shower for my friend. That was kind of hard. I was so busy the day of it though I didn't have any time to think about it. And after that was over things got a lot easier.
Being an aunt it the best!!! I'm an aunt of 9 nieces and 2 nephews. They are absolutely the sweetest, happiest, and most well rounded kids ever! I am going to my niece's pool party at her grandma's this weekend. She's 13! It's hard to believe because she was 2 not long ago and we were feeding the ducks at the lake.
My sister's both live far one in another state and one 3 hours away. My husband's brother is close though, so I see his niece and newphew more often. We used to baby-sit for them and were a lot closer. Now they are in school and lots of activities so I don't see them quite as often.
I just had my co-worker tell me her son woke her up 3 times last night and he's 7 months old (at least). She said, seriously, just get a dog. hahaha I'm sorry it's hard for her, it is nice though to only have to worry about yourself sometimes. My mom had me when she was 32, so I think that's a good age. I don't think risk factors are that high then.

[stacey79]

Thanks for all your kind words. Yes, it does suck that my husband lost his job (and insurance!). We knew something was coming, though, and are trusting that GOd has a plan. For now, it's just difficult, though. I do work as a freelance journalist, but my income each month is unpredictable and would maybe pay our mortgage and a utility, but that's it.

My biggest bummer is that I was really looking forward to buying a gift for the baby. My mom talked to me over the weekend, though, and has offered to pay for it so I can get something nicer like I wanted. Not major, but at least more than $5. I can't wait to be able to spoil the little girl.

I definitely go back and forth with the debate in my head. One day I think it's fine, I'll be able to handle kids. Then the next, I have a flare or something and I don't think I can do it. I was talking with a friend a couple of months ago who is my age. She's been married about five years now. She does the same thing and she's healthy. So I'm guessing what we're going through is normal to an extent.

It does seem like there is a mommy club, though. I completely understand that. My hubby and I have struggled a bit with that. All his married friends have kids. Those wives hang out and talk kids. I just sit there. Church can also get tricky. We don't fit in with the college kids (even in college, since we were married) and the others are bonded through their kids. I don't begrudge them that, I just struggle to converse with them and relate to them.

All that said, I also keep reminding myself that at 28 my biological clock isn't on fast forward. I think part of it is where i live. It seems like everyone I know gets married and starts having children young. Just like with everything else, I know I need to remember that the same plan doesn't work for everyone. Here's to being different!

[Sunflower2]

Hey, Stacey. I hope you are doing ok. I think I am having a panic attack because my hubby just lost his job yesterday. Deep down, I knew this would come sooner or later. However, it was a lot SOONER than I had expected. We bought a house a couple of month ago. With two income, we barely made it through, and now just my income alone... I just don't know how to make it through. I don't make a lot of money. We were planning to have a family, but right now.. that's totally out of question for us. I know that we have to keep our faith in God. It's just hard to plan our future when there is NO job security now