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when is it really ready to become parents???

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  • #16
    I don't work with kids, except for college students when I teach once a year, but I'm guessing that's not what you had in mind.

    As far what to say when people ask about having kids, my response used to be that I was in school then it was that I'd let my brother go first since he's four years older. Now that won't work. I'm still trying to think of a good answer. My hubby and I were talking about that the other night. If I come up with something good, I'll certainly share. Sometimes it just drives me nuts that people ask stuff like that. I'd really like to say, "When are you going to learn to mind your own business?" but I'm too nice for that. I've certainly thought it before, though!
    ~ Stacey

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    • #17
      Stacey, I am with you when people start asking this " when you have your kids? " question. I wish they could just leave us alone and mind thier own business. I wish you have a good birthday It seems as if everybody were born in May. I have three birthdays to celebrate this week. Three days in a row... of course, I have to get 3 birthday presents. Not to mentioned that mother's day is coming up soon. So another present that I have to buy....I hate another expenses that I hadn't planned. I was working on my budget for this month. Then... my hubby told me " honey, we have birthdays to go to." Well.... I just have to deal with whatever life brings to our lives.
      Aya

      IC Diagnosed in September, 2005

      My conditions are : IC, PFD, Allergies, and Constipation

      "It's not easy being grateful all the time. But it's when you feel least thankful that you are most in need of what gratitude can give you."


      — Oprah Winfrey

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      • #18
        I dont' know if I am ready, I actually think we aren't or wish we had waited, but at 35 and my hubby with diabetes I so though I would have problems, well, 3 mo and one pregnancy later, I guess not. We are happy but I am still in shock.

        I think you guys will know when you are ready to handle it, but I hear from all friends, you will never be ready 100%. Unless you are some odd TV Movie of the week, no ones life has all portions neat and tidy, there is always something. I think people make it work, regardless of goals- you just have to prioritze what is important at the time.

        Ask people when they ask if your having kids "why do you want to know" that always puts people in their place when asking borderline questions.

        Good luck-
        Melanie
        I am blessed to have an Indiana Pouch now
        IC since childhood, finally diagnosed at 31 yo
        PFD/Pelvic Pain,SI joint and LBP
        Low Back Pain s/p spinal fusion at 19 with more nastiness in back
        Hydrodistension 2001, 2005, 2011 w capsacian, 2011 with botox/ super pubic tube
        Interstim trial and removel 2002,C-Section 2007 and 2010, Post Partum Depression, post partum hypertension, Idopathic hypothalmic amenorrhea
        Radical Cystectomy with Indiana Pouch 2/3/12--->multiple complications and revision of ureters in pouch due to a giant ball of scar tissue in 8/12, occasional pylo, L kidney small and scarred, low flow
        Hysterectomy 2/3/12 w one ovary removed
        Dry Eyes
        L radical nephrectomy 1//3/14 after a long "what if " the conversation, kidney working 4 %, path said full of absesses
        Still have issues, still take meds.

        I have worked some, been doing pilates, just got a post masters in nursing, learning to pace myself.
        Learning things I can't do, learning things that I need to take a LONG time to master and regain myself, but mostly just so happy to be bladder free.:

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        • #19
          Good comeback suggestion with "Why do you want to know?" That's such a tricky question and just so darn rude.

          Because I married my high school sweetheart, it has amused me that for so long my family wanted to make sure we weren't being intimate (we waited until we married). And now they want us to have kids. Just seems a little ironic.

          Just wondering if you guys flip flop back and forth with this decision. One day, I think it sounds like a great idea to start trying. We're older, my bladder is behaving, whatever. Then the next day, I think, "No way we're ready." Anyone else do that? I'm wondering if you're ready when you no longer have times of doubting. Or does everyone doubt to a certain extent? When I got engaged and married, I never had a doubt that I was making the wrong decision. I guess I expect deciding to have children be the same way, but I'm not sure that's realistic.
          ~ Stacey

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          • #20
            Stacey. I think we all had to go through "are we really ready for this? " stage at some point. I just remember one day, my IC/PFD was acting so badly..thinking myself " there is NO WAY that I am going to have a baby with this awful disease!!! if we have to have a baby, I'll go for an adaption " ...then now I'm in totally different place. I do believe everything happens for a reason. I'm not happy to say that I have this awful IC/PFD thing in my life. I played a victim of this disease for a quiet sometime in the past, and still struggling with it. I was even angry at God for giving me this. I cried and cried until no more tears came out of my eyes. It was such a long journey to get to where I am now. Whenever I see my hubby with neighbor's kids, I cannot wait to see when we'll get one for ourselves. I remember my mom said to me one day.." you'll understand why we do the way we are when you become a parent " they are my inspiration
            Aya

            IC Diagnosed in September, 2005

            My conditions are : IC, PFD, Allergies, and Constipation

            "It's not easy being grateful all the time. But it's when you feel least thankful that you are most in need of what gratitude can give you."


            — Oprah Winfrey

            Comment


            • #21
              Thanks for sharing, Aya. I know it's not something you can ever be completely ready for. I do figure I ought to get to a point where I feel ready more often than I don't feel ready. Sometimes I think with big life decisions that it would be nice to get a note from God saying, "I want you to do this, this and this." BUt, I guess that would take faith out of it!
              ~ Stacey

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