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married, cant work, do I want to even try??

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  • married, cant work, do I want to even try??

    Please talk to me ladies. This is the only place where I am honest about how "bad" it gets, and the only place I can get the advice I need. I hope some people will respond.
    I have been married for almost 5 years. I had to quit working 3 years ago. I stay home most all the time. I had a disasterous stim surgery that has left me with chronic back pain and leg pain. I don't have any reason to think I wouldn't be able to conceive. Its caring for the baby I am worried about. I think about it, when I have been up all night in the bathroom and I finally just want to GO TO BED..What would I do if I had a baby? I want to have a baby, but I also need to be realistic. I know none of you here are going to say they wished they would have done differently, because children are a blessing. When you are really sick, how do you handle it? I am asking what you would do if you could do over. If you KNOW you are housebound, is it fair to have a baby?? OR, would I gain a sense of purpose and be motivated to try harder???
    I am confused, please help.

  • #2
    I check this site almost every day looking at new postings. I expecially check the pregnancy boards (since I'm 35 weeks pregnant) and have noticed how nobody has answered you on your post. I feel really bad that nobody has and to tell you the truth I think the reason nobody has is because they don't know what to say.
    I wish I had a solution for you myself. This is a very big decision but something your always going to wonder about for the rest of your life. Is there anyone that can help you out througout your pregnancy and after? Is your husband really helpful? There's a lot to consider. I also was worried that I was not going to be able to take care of this baby when I'm in so much pain but I'm positive about managing it out. I'm not housebound like yourself but even so - maybe you can hire a college student or babysitter type girl who will take the baby out now and again. If this is something that you truly want bad enouph I think you should consider it.


    • #3
      I've read your post a couple of times over the past weeks and never responded because, as Sharon guessed, I'm not sure what to say.

      I will say that my kids are the best thing that ever happened to me. I adopted them because having them naturally was out of the question. There are MANY days I feel REALLY guilty when I am sick in bed and they're bored and want to do things and I can't. But disappointment is a part of life and cannot always be shielded from even the youngest children.

      When my kids were really young and couldn't go outside alone (and they all LOVE to be outside most of the time), I'd prop myself in a comfortable chair and let them play. Many times alone, unfortunately, but they always find ways to amuse themselves. And there are the good days when you can participate. When they're older, a swingset and sandbox in the backyard (I'm assuming you have a house?) are great "babysitters". And now that my kids are 5 & 6, they prefer to run out of the house after school to play with the neighborhood children.

      Infants (0-2) put special demands on your energy and time and do not easily amuse themselves. However, do you have a supportive husband that could get up with a baby at night? Perhaps grandparents that could take turns helping you out? Even if you have to go it alone, you're so in love with your new child that you find you can crawl to them if you have to.

      I think that, overall, it's definately worth it despite all of our problems.

      I hope this helps a bit.



      • #4
        Thank you so much. I rarely get responses on this board, so I am REALLY appreciative to you. I have noticed others mentioning not getting replies on other forums. Your imput is so important and I thank you.
        Take care,


        • #5
          IC Payne,

          Let me apologize for not responding sooner too! Being a new mommy I have to admit that my health can make it tough sometimes. I've been feeling particularly rotten lately and am so thankful that my hubby is supportive and helpful with our daughter. I don't regret having her for a minute though! She's a blessing!

          "The first time her laughter unfurled it's wings into the wind....
          We knew that the world would never be the same."
          ~Brian Andres

          Baby Kaitlyn was born on 07/08/01 after a successful pregnancy with IC!


          • #6
            I was wondering the same thing Payne... maybe they dont want us to know that ic pain during pregnancy is so aweful that its beyond words.. no one has mentioned what kinda of pain is there with ic and pregnancy.. of course who'd want an insane mom like me... but i cant help wondering either...the poor poor child who picks me for a mom *shakes head* if ever


            • #7
              God bless you. I too want a child-but I already have 2. However 1 is very ill and probably won't live to see adulthood. Imagine having a profoundly handicapped child with you as a mom having IC! But- I love my kids and they give me a motivation to seek new treatments and they bring huge smiles to my face everyday!
              I wouldn't have attempted even my 2nd difficult pregnancy-but for my husband who knew it was equal parenting and I wouldn't be working outside the home unless I was able. I do work part time-because I love it!
              My daughter-who has had 20+ surgeries-many on her heart-would get up to feed in the middle of the night, and my husband would carry a lot of that load while I pumped milk. Hannah never has been well enough to eat-she's tube fed.
              Now, if Hannah awakes, Rich tends to her. He understands that my IC requires 2-6 bathroom trips during the night and I find it hard to return to sleep if I'm in pain. He requires less sleep than me anyway.
              We don't get out as much as other families, but I make known my appreciation of friends letting John (my son) come to their house.
              My biggest word of wisdom is this-do you have a support system-spouse or family that can help with the workload? If so, you will probably do fine.
              I got my IC with my first pregnancy and it got much worse after my 2nd. I think my IC is related to the fact that they forgot to catheterize me after an epidural with my son and my bladder got grossely overdistended-and I've had trouble ever since and stress doesn't help.
              Pray a lot about it. It is so hard to think that God wouldn't want to give you a baby if it's something you so desperately want. I will pray for you. I too struggle with wanting another, but wonder if I can care for the baby after pregnancy.