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Wanted: Married ic'er, can't work, still want baby

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  • Wanted: Married ic'er, can't work, still want baby

    I'd give anything to find someone married who can't work, but wants a child desperately. I am saddened because I can barely take care of myself and my husband alot of the time. I have fibro, no sleep, and the worst is EXCRUCIATING back and leg pain since a nerve stim sugery.
    I am afraid I couldn't go without meds, I am afraid what having been on meds might do to a baby. I am afraid I couldn't carry the baby physically when it hurts me so much to "carry" my own self. My mom has IC, I dont'even let myself go there about the possibility of passing it on to somebody else.
    Mostly, I worry about being able to care for the child. I never sleep well, I stay at home most of the time. That wouldn't be fair. I try to be realistic as to what my limitations would mean as far as my ability to be a good mother. I cant wait to go to bed when I've been up all night in the bathroom. What would I do if I had a baby who just woke up? It breaks my heart. I try not to think about it, but in the back of my head, I am constantly calculating..ok,get off meds, wait 3 months,try....who knows how long that could be???I feel like life is passing me by. I got sick at a time when all my friends were getting married and starting families. I have socially lost contact with all of them. I don't have one single friend that I talk to. In reality, I just don't have much to say. When there is no answer to "what's been going on?" How's work? Everyone I know has a baby, and that understandibly takes up their time and dominates their conversations.
    I know I have time, but I have not gotten one bit better,and have no reason to think I will short of divine intervention. I just manage pain with meds....That's all..
    Please tell me someone is out there I can talk to about this. I keep it to myself. If my husband knew ALL of my doubts, he'd really be against it. He, of course, is against it now. I have no quality of life and I'd never consider bringing a child into that????
    I need a friend.
    Siddy

  • #2
    Hi Siddy - I'm sorry to hear about everything that has been going on with you. I understand how IC can rule your life, and can impact the decisions you have to make for your future. I've had IC for 11 yrs; I'm 32 now. I was diagnosed with a mild case of IC, but it has made a huge impact on my life. I have bladder pressure/pain 24/7. I work FT, but I'm able to work at home 2 days a week which really helps me; mentally and physically. I also have a 4 yr old son and have been trying to have another baby for the last 2 yrs. When we started talking about having a baby, I was really scared because I didn't know what would happen with my IC; would it get worse, would it get better... Fortunately, nothing really changed when I was pregnant. I felt like I had done all that worrying for nothing, but everyone is different, so it's hard to say how you'd feel if you were pregnant. I know I've read that some people with severe IC get better when they are pregnant. Like I said, we've been trying to have another baby for 2 yrs and we've gotten pretty serious with the infertility treatments. I've had 4 inseminations and am preparing for In Vitro Fertilization. But several of the procedures I've had have caused my IC to flare and who knows what will happen from here on out. But I really want to have another baby, and am willing to risk the IC getting worse to do it. It's been hard because 2 of my sisters have had babies in the last 6 months. I'm happy for them, but in my heart I feel saddened because I want another baby so badly. I can't really give you any advice, but I can offer you support on whatever you decide to do. It sounds like you really want to be a mom, but I understand the fears you have, and the isolation you are feeling. Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best of luck. Kris

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    • #3
      I have a friend with fibromyalgia who is having much of the same feelings as you (she is 35) and we have had long discussions on this topic.

      You should look into things that help with carrying a child. You could also consider adopion if you are concerned about your child inheriting your medical problems.

      Look into all you options--- if this is something you really want to do you should know all of your options before completely ruling it out.

      My thoughts and prayers,
      Amanda
      ([email protected])

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