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  • Should I have a baby or adopt?

    Hi,
    I was diagnosed with ic /pfd in Dec 2012. Before then , I have had 3 miscarriages, one was when I was nearly 5 months (baby had down syndrome). I was all ready to try again since the doc checked us out and found nothing wrong. The month we were to start trying again, I developed IC. At first, I was miserable, but once I started the diet and taking medicine to alleviate pain, I felt a lot better. Now I'm thinking about trying for a baby again. My husband doesn't care if we have children, he's content with the life we have, but he is open to adopting. He is worried about me having another pregnancy loss and what that will do to my body now that I have IC. I am worried about how my ic will be affected. I feel like I have my ic under control right now for the most part, and I would hate to have that shot to heck, just to have a biological child. Ladies, who have had children, please give me the good, the bad, and the ugly. How was your ic after birth? If it worsened, how long did it take to get back to pre pregnancy ic levels? Are any of you in more pain after baby and never resumed the lesser pain you felt before? I just want the truth.
    Also, ladies who have adopted, I'd like to hear your experiences as well. I have no issues w/adopting, but I am an only child and so is my husband, so there's a alot of pressure on both sides to have our own baby. My husband is all about adoption because of my health issues and all of the losses we've had. I'm just torn. Sorry the posting is so long, I'm just really stressed about this decision. I am also 39, so my clock is ticking. Your advice would be much appreciated. Thanks.
    " When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.
    Just don't drink it! :lmao

  • #2
    Re: Should I have a baby or adopt?

    Hello.First I am relly sorry for your losts!
    I will be honest with you becouse you are asking for this.I have two children and both after IC.After each birth my IC get worse . After yhe first baby in 2009 it get worse and I lived with it , than I got pregnant again and I cried I wantet the baby but I was so scared for my Ic getting even worse.I made an abortion. Than six months later I get pregnant again.I could not go trough another abortion again it is awful.Five months ago I gave birth to my wonderful baby boy , but again the IC got worse.This is how it has been for me , it does not meen it is ging to be like this for you.Some even feel better after pragnancy while breastfeeding.it is a hard choice to adopt , but maybe this will be the best option for you , after you have lost tree babies .
    i wish you luck and I am sure one day you will be a very good mom to your child .
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Symptoms since 2005
    Diagnosed with IC october 2009 via PST

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Should I have a baby or adopt?

      I wish I had a crystal ball to tell you how you will feel if you get pregnant again. Having multiple miscarriages (heck having one!) is a tremendous grief. I did have four pregnancies (one miscarriage) and I did fine with my bladder. I hadn't been diagnosed yet, but I am sure I have had it since high school. When it comes to adoption, that can be a long long road. My niece and her husband have been trying (and bouncing all over the globe) to adopt and they keep coming to heartbreaking dead ends. Their latest journey was Ghana...they went so far as to volunteer at an orphanage this past Christmas, and then Ghana closed the doors to international adoption unless you live there. This latest grief is on top of the thousands of dollars they have already spent just to get this far. So, whether you adopt or try for a biological child knowing you have a history of miscarriage, there is a risk. I suppose surrogacy is an option, but it can be extraordinarily expensive (up to $100,000.00) unless you have a friend or someone you know donate their time/body/gestation for you. Mind you, none of this is medical advice or even moral or ethical advice. Sometimes, I know, you just need to gather ideas before you make a decision.
      Julie Beyer, MA, RDN
      IC Dietitian, Patient Advocate, Speaker, & Author


      Did you know that up to 94% of interstitial cystitis patients find some symptom relief when they change their diet, and that dietary modification is recommended as a first line treatment for IC? Check out the IC Food List to get started!

      Do you need a little more help understanding the IC Diet? Schedule a phone or video coaching session through the ICN Store today.

      You can also learn more while supporting the ICN message boards by clicking on these book covers and buying the Confident Choices books from the ICN Store:

      ........ ........


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      *Let's Connect!*

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Should I have a baby or adopt?

        Sorry to hear you are in such a difficult place. Firstly, only you can ultimately decide whether or not you can bear the stress of another pregnancy, mentally speaking. You really need to determine just how much having a biological child means to you. If you would move mountains and face any potential obstacles or more potential heartbreak... In order to have a bio child..by all means...move mountains.. Face the future with no doubts... Expect for the worst..hope for the best and pray, pray pray.

        I know quite a bit about complications during pregnancy. I had a full placenta previa during the entire pregnancy. It never resolved and was a very, very serious complication. We risked us both bleeding out every step of the way. It was like walking on eggshells..quite literally. If you don't know about a complete previa, it means the babies blood and oxygen supply, located within the placenta was beneath him rather than above. Of course the placenta is linked to mamma's blood supply as well, so if the placenta was to tear or I was to go into labor..we both could and would bleed out. If the tear was bad enough, we would both be gone in 15 minutes flat. I also developed severe hypertension towards to end..to complicate complications further...Somehow, I had a calm assertiveness every step of the way. I found comfort in listening and following the doctors orders to a tee. I also made sure we were being taken care of by one of the best hospitals around. Gratefully, most gratefully we made it against all odds to a planned cesarean at 37 weeks. I even worked, with restrictions, up until one week prior to delivery. He spent two days in The NICU due to fluid in the lungs..but we made out miraculously considering! So believe me when I say, where there is a will, there is a way!

        My IC was a million times better during pregnancy. At 10 months I am still exclusively breastfeeding and my IC was doing great postpartum, until I got my period. Then all went down the tubes. But there are treatment options both during pregnancy and while breastfeeding if need be. Also, I do not think my IC is worse than pre pregnancy so, no difference there. I would not for a second let IC get in the way of your decision.

        If you decide to adopt, I highly recommend checking within this state and country first. I work for a child health program within social services and believe me when I tell you, there is no shortage of beautiful children in the states whom will never have a home without interested people like you. There are many, many perks to adopting locally as well versus going through adoption agencies. If you'd like to go this route and would like help finding contacts for doing so within your state, just pm me and I'd be happy to help. Here is a link to waiting children in foster care all over the US. There is endless information here as well. You can define your search criteria and even see pictures and stories of children waiting for their forever home. http://adoptuskids.org/meet-the-children/search

        Warmest regards to you and your growing family to be! Either way, I wish you countless years of health, happiness and many many blessings too!
        Love is a fruit in season at all times, within reach of every hand. ~ The Blessed Mother Teresa

        Status: Diagnosed October 2006 via cystoscopy with hydrodistention. Max anesthetized bladder capacity only 250 cc's. Mast cells and pinpoint bleeding found.

        Remission for me means less pain for more days than not. Frequency is inevitable with a bladder this tiny! That is ok though. The difference between when I was diagnosed and now, is that I have embraced that fact. Me and the loo, we are one.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Should I have a baby or adopt?

          We are in the process of adopting now, so if you decide to look into it, I'm happy to share our experiences with it. We decided to adopt largely because of the number of miscarriages that I've had in the past, and because my diagnosis with IC and the medication I'm on for the IC. Plus, even though we tried to get pregnant for years, I always wanted to adopt...even when I was in college. It's a long process, but I'm happy to answer any questions you may have about it.
          ----------------------------------------------------
          My blog on IC, adoption, and academia: the garlic whisperer

          Diagnosed Jan 2013. Currently taking:

          200mg Elmiron morning and night
          25mg Elavil at night (no drowsiness or weight gain)
          culturelle in the morning
          SLIT drops for allergies (environmental) 3 drops/night under the tongue
          zyrtec 24 hour nightly (recommended by uro)
          Instillations 3x/week: Parson's Solution
          uribel and prelief as needed

          Also took Desert Harvest Aloe (3 in the morning and 3 at night) for a year and had great luck.
          No longer need them, so I only take them during flares.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Should I have a baby or adopt?

            Thanks ladies, so much for sharing your experiences and information with me.

            Sofirus,
            I am so sorry that you're ic worsened after having your children, and I pray in the future you will find a treatment that will alleviate your pain and you can go into remission.
            What you went through is exactly what im afraid of, and i cant express my sympathy enough for you. Thanks so much for being honest about your experience and for all your kind words.

            Julie B,
            Thanks for sharing your experience and the situation your niece is going through right now. I will pray for them that their prayers will be answered soon.
            As far as surrogacy, I have thought about that option. I have a friend who is willing to carry, but even with that, its still going to be 40-60k.

            If we adopt it will probably be thru foster care. Has your niece considered this option?It could be emotionally draining, but it wouldn't drain her bank acct.

            ICKIRSTI,
            I love your positive attitude and am pleased to hear your decision to have a child didn't negatively impact your ic. I have a cousin who lost her baby girl 2 wks before she was due because of placental previa, so I know all too well how serious this condition is. I've never heard of someone having it their whole pregnancy, though. That must have been very scary.
            Thanks for the info on adoption. I don't think I wanna move mountains to have a biological child. I just want to be a mother. I keep praying that God will show me my road to motherhood, whatever that may be.
            I will check out that site, and if we do decide to adopt I'll let you know.

            Miniguinea73,
            That's wonderful that you're adopting. I would love to hear more about it. Your situation sounds a lot like mine, so I can totally relate. I just keep asking myself, do I want to be the adoptive mom who feels pretty good and has the energy to run and play with her child, or the biological mother who writhes around in pain and can't even go anywhere or play with my child because I hurt so much. I know these examples are a little extreme, but they are possible. When I look at it this way, the answer is pretty obvious to me. Praying everything goes well for you throughout the process and you'll have your little one very soon
            " When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.
            Just don't drink it! :lmao

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Should I have a baby or adopt?

              thanks princessaurora! We are very excited. We are going through an agency, and so far the process has been smooth. We expect to become a waiting family in april. Feel free to ask me any questions you want. I know it helped us a great deal when we were marinating on the decision.
              ----------------------------------------------------
              My blog on IC, adoption, and academia: the garlic whisperer

              Diagnosed Jan 2013. Currently taking:

              200mg Elmiron morning and night
              25mg Elavil at night (no drowsiness or weight gain)
              culturelle in the morning
              SLIT drops for allergies (environmental) 3 drops/night under the tongue
              zyrtec 24 hour nightly (recommended by uro)
              Instillations 3x/week: Parson's Solution
              uribel and prelief as needed

              Also took Desert Harvest Aloe (3 in the morning and 3 at night) for a year and had great luck.
              No longer need them, so I only take them during flares.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Should I have a baby or adopt?

                Miniguinea73, I tried to send you a message, but it said your box is full. Can you please pm me? I have some more questions about adopting. Thanks
                " When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.
                Just don't drink it! :lmao

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Should I have a baby or adopt?

                  I emptied my inbox. fire away!
                  ----------------------------------------------------
                  My blog on IC, adoption, and academia: the garlic whisperer

                  Diagnosed Jan 2013. Currently taking:

                  200mg Elmiron morning and night
                  25mg Elavil at night (no drowsiness or weight gain)
                  culturelle in the morning
                  SLIT drops for allergies (environmental) 3 drops/night under the tongue
                  zyrtec 24 hour nightly (recommended by uro)
                  Instillations 3x/week: Parson's Solution
                  uribel and prelief as needed

                  Also took Desert Harvest Aloe (3 in the morning and 3 at night) for a year and had great luck.
                  No longer need them, so I only take them during flares.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Should I have a baby or adopt?

                    I am currently pregnant with twins through IVF. I was diagnosed with IC in Oct 2012 after nearly a year of specialists telling me it was in my head. It took me 7 months to get it under control, but boy was I feeling great. I changed my diet, learned how to cook, took my elmiron 3 times a day religiously along with another bladder med and installations. I was so happy to be feeling normal again that I decided I felt good enough to go for the IVF procedure. The IVF meds were awesome. One killed my hormones completely and for those two weeks I was a new person. I had to go off all bladder meds and treatments according to my OB and Repoductive endocronologist so in June 2013 I stopped them all. Felt fabulous during my first trimester and even was able to cheat a bit and eat some no no foods. Second trimester though I developed bacterial vaginosis twice and had to take antibiotics. That set off my bladder of course. I called up my urologist to see about getting a few rescue installations and his office told me that he does not treat pregnant patients and to come back after delivery. I cried buckets for days and still do because at 28 weeks baby A's head began resting directly on my bladder and hasn't moved since. So much bladder pain it is unbearable. Can't work, stand, can barely walk and sleep is out of the question. The pain is almost worse than before I was diagnosed and no doctor will give me anything for it. I am 34 weeks and want to die most of the time. I want my babies and I will be grateful I went through this, but if I had to go back I may not have done it. I'm afraid I will never be in remission again. I plan to breastfeed so that still means no meds for maybe another year.
                    Adoption is great, but very expensive. My cousin is in the process of adopting their second child from China. They have been fundraising for years. They were unable to get babies though so one child was 3 and the other is 10. Our plan if IVF failed was to become foster parents. In our state after 6 months you are eligible to adopt children that come up for adoption. It is very affordable. You would most likely get older children and most have physical, mental or emotional issues. If you can handle that then it might be an option for you. I live in Illinois.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Should I have a baby or adopt?

                      Thanks for responding Humducky. Sorry you're having such a difficult time. I can imagine 2 babies will put alot of strain on the bladder and pelvic floor, but when you deliver those beautiful blessings, I'm sure it will be worth it. I pray you start feeling better soon and that as soon as you deliver those babies, your pain will subside. Thanks for your honesty. I keep waffling because I want a baby so bad and having one of my own would be the most economical and least emotionally straining way to achieve that. But the physical risk scares me so much. God bless. I'll be praying for you
                      " When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.
                      Just don't drink it! :lmao

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Should I have a baby or adopt?

                        I'm sorry about your losses! I had 1 miscarriage before having my daughter and then 2 more after she was born before I got pregnant with my second daughter. I saw a reproductive endocrinologist for help with my second daughter. Did you see a regular ob-gyn or a reproductive endocrinologist? It makes a huge difference in thoroughness of testing.

                        Anyway, you have two issues that you need to address separately: are you emotionally able to cope with another loss and can you handle it if your IC worsens during your pregnancy? For me, the answer was yes to both questions.

                        My IC started during my first pregnancy. It went away after that pregnancy ended in miscarriage and came back during my second pregnancy and never went away. My first trimester was absolutely horrible--between the bladder pain and acid reflux. There was one week early on where I didn't sleep for 6 days because I was so miserable. I wasn't officially diagnosed with IC until after I gave birth, so the only meds my ob-gyn was comfortable prescribing was pyridium. The symptoms improved during the second and third trimesters--making it barely bearable. After birth there was a slight improvement because there was no longer a baby on my bladder. The doctor who did diagnose me with IC prescribed Elavil, hydroxyzine, and elmiron, but I didn't start them until my baby was about 8-months-old because I was breastfeeding and wanted to limit the meds in the breastmilk. During my subsequent pregnancies, I stayed on the elmiron but went off the Elavil and hydroxyzine during the first trimester...I consulted a lot of people about it. During my second successful pregnancy, the symptoms were considerably better than during the first pregnancy. They improved even more once I went back on the Elavil and hydroxyzine. It was bearable--the only thing worse than not being pregnant was the frequency of peeing, but that's because I had a baby on my bladder. Anyway, since my last daughter, I have a few bad flare-ups here and there, but it's mostly manageable. My first bad flare-up was when the baby was 6-months-old and started solids, requiring less breastmilk. I'm guessing I'm very sensitive to hormonal changes. Anyway, my second child was obviously worth the risk of feeling miserable (while chasing around a toddler). The fact that the meds helped me when I wasn't pregnant gave me some confidence that I would never feel that bad again like I did with my first child.

                        I should add that during both pregnancies when I flared worse than usual, the doctor gave me macrobid, and it did help ease some of the symptoms.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Should I have a baby or adopt?

                          I developed IC between my 2 children. For me, I was in a fair amount of pain when I got PG, but there wasn't an option. I had to provide my child with a sibling, and adoption wasn't in the cards for us. I know each person is completely different, but FOR ME pregnancy was AMAZING. I lived a completely normal life- ate what I wanted to. I didn't follow the diet once I got pregnant and had no pain. I remember thinking that I really wanted to meet my baby, but I also didn't want to have her bc I wanted to stay pregnant forever. I have nursed her for 3 yrs. I had no flares. AGain, I lived a completely normal lifestyle - swimming with the kids 3-4x a week last summer, triple decaf espressos from Starbucks daily, speghetti, chili, etc. I knew it would come back eventually, but I enjoyed living normally for a very long time. Even though I got my period when my daughter was 11 months, I didn't get pain again until 2 months before her 3rd birthday. And I grieved VERY hard! I would give anything to have another, but my husband is 45 and is done. So sad about that.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Should I have a baby or adopt?

                            Llwd,
                            I saw a fertility specialist and the only thing they could find was a low thyroid which was discovered after my second loss. They put me on thyroid meds and progesterone and then I got pregnant again but lost the baby at 5 months because she had DS. All chromosome testing came back normal on both of us, but the month before we were going to try an insemination, I developed ic. Now, not only do I have to worry about the potential for another miscarriage, but also the effects that could have on my body. Interesting that you found some relief from the macrobid. Sounds like at least some of your pain was bacteria related. And the baby pressing on the bladder, I guess with women who have ic, that pressure is multiplied x's 10. I know when I'm constipated the pressure I feel is miserable. If its even worse than that, I don't know if I could take it. You are very brave to have carried another baby after having so much pain the first go round. But you now have two wonderful children as a reward. Thanks for sharing your experience with me
                            " When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.
                            Just don't drink it! :lmao

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Should I have a baby or adopt?

                              Wow HRJ,
                              You were one of the lucky ones who found relief with pregnancy and a while after. If I knew for sure that would happen to me, my decision would be obvious. I know it stayed away for several years, but how does your pain compare now to before your pregnancy? Are you sticking to the diet? Do you lead a relatively pain free life? I just worry about being the bedridden mom while my husband raises our children and that's the last thing I want.
                              " When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.
                              Just don't drink it! :lmao

                              Comment

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