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**Tina Nacho** · 11-13-2002, 07:25 AM

Hi Kate:
Funny you should be in a similar situation in trying to "help" our husbands understand the cost-benefit of staying home. Here's how I did it..

Depending on what your combined goals are, there may be some sacrifice. It will take compromise if letting some of those goals go is what it will take to keep you at home. The other aspect of this is MONEY. Since I'm an accountant, figures and analysis come easy for me. So, I researched the availability of daycare in our area. If you haven't looked around, there may be long waits to get placement. But, your husband may say, "Honey, you work for a daycare center. We'll just put the kid there and you can be with him/her all day anyway." Wrong!! It's a job, and your child will not only want for your attention, you will feel guilty not giving it to him/her. You have to pay attention, close attention to all the children that you are responsible for. That's what you are being paid to do. Oh, and don't forget all the colds and other illnesses that children will contract from daycare centers. It's not that they are necessarily dirty, they're just full of children and children carry and spread germs. It's just the nature of the beast(little ones though they may be [img]biggrin.gif[/img] ). Also, remind him that when a child gets sick, moms and dads are usually called to take the sick children home and are not allowed back until they are better. Expect to lose a little money for illnesses even if you do work. Many employers give sick leave, but it's for you and not your child. I've seen many mothers loose money either out of their paycheck or as a reduction of their vacation due to a child's illness and the illnesses moms get from the child.

Now for the finance part of this (If you will be getting your daycare for free, then stop here. If not, then read on), you can add up what it will realistically cost per year. In my area, it costs roughly $250 to $300 per week. That a whopping $13K to $16K per year. Yes, you get a tax break for day care, so you could subtract that from the total amount you are spending. It'll still hurt, because all of your potential earnings will go to support a daycare center and your child will not be getting the love and attention it really needs and that's where the cost-benefit really matters the most. By continuing to work in a job that doesn't truly support the family and, on top of that, you really don't want to be there, it's a recipe for trouble.

Kate, crunch the numbers and get logical. That's how men are built and that's what they understand. Good Luck [img]smile.gif[/img] >Tina

***dyno*** · 11-13-2002, 07:44 AM

Kate,
I did do a home day care business for years. I made good money and was able to stay home with my own children. It does have some drawbacks and there are things people don't think about in setting up a business like that, and it does need to be a business if you are going to be successful. If you are interested I can tell you some things to keep in mind, but with you working at a day care you will have more knowledge of this than others.
Jolene

**marni** · 11-13-2002, 10:50 AM

stay at home mom is the best thing for your baby! i have been a stay at home mom for 8 years now! and would of never done it anyother way! there is sacrafice but, you have to look at it this way... do you want someone else basically bringing up your child! Dr. Laura on the radio believes in stay at home moms! have you ever listened to her?? maybe you and your husband can call her radio show.. she will convince HIM!!!!

**Alyson** · 11-13-2002, 02:03 PM

Hey, Kate. I have been a stay-at-home mom since my daughter was born nearly five years ago. I was a teacher, so my logic was"This is not that big of an income--will we really miss it?" Also, I figured in daycare,cost of "work" clothes,gas to/from work, etc. We honestly didnt' know if we'd be able to do it until she was born. Honestly, we haven't even noticed a hardship. Now I have a son too, and I love being with them all the time. My daughter starts kindergarten next year and I have NO regrets about sacrificing a little extra money and extravagant things to spend time nurturing and teaching her. That's another thing you can say to your husband. . . tell him that you'd rather be teaching your child than someone else's. I wish you tons of luck in becoming a mommy---whether you decide to stay home or go back to work, your life is about to be so blessed! It's the best feeling in the world!
Lots of luck,
Alyson

vm · 11-13-2002, 02:13 PM

I am a stay at home mom, too, and I love it!!! I didn't have to talk my husband in to it, but I'd always call him to the TV whenever a Dateline daycare investigative type show was on to "increase his appreciation of a parent being home with the kids".... I know all daycares aren't like that - I have worked daycare before - but it did make him really, really want me to be home.

My husband's salary is not very high at all. In fact we qualified for WIC for awhile. Somehow we manage. If the priority is to be home you find that you can sacrifice all sorts of things. We raised the deductibles on the car insurance, downgraded to only basic cable, I sub occasionally at our local fitness center so our monthly rate is cut bigtime there, etc. You will find ways to cut corners and make it. [img]smile.gif[/img]

**bren** · 11-13-2002, 02:17 PM

Kate,

I empathise with your desire to stay home with your baby. My husband and I both wanted me to stay home with our daughter. The only problem was - I was nervous about money. Tina had wonderful ideas about analyzing the actual costs of working. We ended up doing the same thing and realized that my staying home was not as big a sacrifice as we had first imagined. It still required discipline on our parts, but the "bite" out of our budget wasn't as big as we originally thought.

Jolene's idea about home daycare is great. Your experience in childcare would probably be a huge asset in setting something like that up. I have a cousin who has done in-home daycare for years and says, for her, it is a good source of income.

I really don't have any experience or a leaning toward home daycare (right now, anyway), but I was able to use my secretarial/administrative experience to make a little extra income. The first year after my daughter was born I worked for a brand new business started by some ladies I had worked for/with previously. They were very flexible and understanding. I only worked a few hours every week, and some of the work I did from home. They also let me bring my baby with me.

That situation was pretty special. If I had not had that option, I probably would have contacted people I worked with before to see if they knew of any work that allowed me to be flexible and still be with my baby. Ideal situations would have been ones that required only a few hours/week, and could be worked around my husband's schedule so we wouldn't have needed childcare.

A friend of mine, who was an elementary teacher before having children, became a "book consultant" for an educational book publishing company. She set up parties, like Tupperware parties, only with books. She told me that it generated a little extra income that was very helpful. She also has done tutoring.

I know this is a long post, but hope some of the info is helpful. Best wishes for you, your husband and coming little one!
Bryn

[img]smile.gif[/img]

**bren** · 11-13-2002, 02:21 PM

I got too excited at the end of my post and forgot to add . . . I love being a stay-at-home mom! Looking at my daugher and knowing I'm making an investment in her life makes any sacrifice worth it!

Best wishes!

**Jen_Cole** · 11-13-2002, 02:50 PM

Kate-I think if your husbands' income can support the three of you, then go for it! I am a stay at home mom, but I do work part time, mostly in the evenings (it's my get-away-and-make-a-few-bucks time!) a few nights a week. The bonding is a special time that you won't want to miss out on! You could always go back to work when your child is in school. Why doesn't your husband want you to quit?

Oh, and here's a big <img src="graemlins/kissing.gif" border="0" alt="[kissing]" /> to all of us moms who do work and cope with this lousy condition!
Yay for us!

**Shelleynz** · 11-14-2002, 04:53 AM

I have been a stay at home Mum for 14 years. It was not worth paying a child care centre x3 (3 children) when I could stay at home and do things to save money.
I used fabric nappies, dried the washing outside or over the fire, cooked cheap nutritious meals, baked all my own desserts/cakes etc., wore mostly 2nd hand clothes, only used the car once a week to get the groceries, cut out b'day & Xmas presents for extended family who we don't see much, and kept track of our budget on the computer.
I looked after a neighbour's child after school for extra money too.
Our kids have always been grateful that they could come home from school to something nice I had baked to eat, relax in front of the TV and play in their own private bush (1 acre) with a stream, a waterfall and lots of tall trees to climb. They also liked it that I was there if they wanted to talk.
Some of you might think that this is an awful way to live but we were happy and it worked for us. Our children 14,12&10 are doing very well at school and the headmaster thinks that they have been brought up in a rich environment that has developed their imagination.
Shelley

**Kate_24** · 11-14-2002, 06:41 AM

Hey guys,
You are so lucky to be stay at home mom's. I guess I'll take a look at our budget and talk with him about it again.
I usually always wind up getting sent home early from work if we're low in #'s because no one else can afford to go except me. So why bother going in to work for 2 hours, draging the baby out for that long and having to take her home again once she's here? I could leave her there for a while when she's born since I'm a paying customer even though I work there it's not free to take your child there which is another cost that I think will be a rip off. I think teacher's should be free of charge for everything we put up with there.
But, I guess I'll sit down and make out a budget and go over it with Dh. Tell him I would really like to stay at home with her and that I'm miserable thinking about going back with her once she's born and it would be to stressfull anyways.
Take Care and thanks. Anymore comments or suggestions on how to approach this would be helpfull still.
Kate.
PS I know one couple who has it worse than us and she should be working. She just got fired from her job and they borrowed a lot of money towards new truck and car. And she still doesn't have a job. At least we don't have payments so I guess I could use them as an example [img]wink.gif[/img]

**angiec** · 11-19-2002, 06:08 PM

Hi Kate,
I too am going through a similar situation. I had my son at the end of August and we were able to save enough money for me to stay home one year. I am loving it so much that I have decided to do EVERYTHING in my power to stay home until, at least, he is in school (we are planning on more so probably until they are all in school). We also number crunched, etc.. and have decided that if I can take care of one to two children full time I will bring in enough to fill what we are missing. I was an elementary teacher before becoming a mommy and even though I LOVED my job..I LOVE this job soooo much more.
I have also started Discovery Toys in which I sell educational toys (like Tupperware or Partylite Candles) and have thoroughly enjoyed doing so. It was cheap to get started and with so many friends having babies I immediately was able to have enough parties to pay for what I put into it and get a little spending money in the process. I only got started because I didn't have to pay back if I didn't sell, I didn't have to make so much money a month, and all the toys I purchase and earn my children will also enjoy. It has been a win win situation for me.
So...how did I get my husband on board..WE crunched numbers and discussed TOGETHER and realized how much we would have put out (daycare, etc), compared to all the benefits of me staying home. His biggest concern was retirement which we both agreed...6-8 years is worth me raising our children.
Honestly though..I found that AFTER having our son was when my husband REALLY got on board with the benefits of me being a stay at home mom. Maybe talking to your husband now, looking at numbers long term, and then giving him some time to process would be the best place to start.
http://www.geocities.com/sahmlomano/index2.html
http://www.homemoneyhelp.com/ebook/ch12.html
I found these two websites a few weeks ago that have some great ideas when making this decision. Hope they help!!
Side Note..I know that being with a class full of kids all day is really hard while you are pregnant. Hang in there.
Hugs and Good luck!
Angie <img src="graemlins/baby.gif" border="0" alt="[baby]" />

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