Arguement on Who does more!

[sharon429]

Does anyone else out there have arguements with their husband about who does more around the house? I am so sick of this topic coming up. Whenever we get into a arguement about something it always ends up there. How can you add up who does more and how do you equal it!!! It makes me so mad.
My husband is working on our bathroom and it is taking him forever. Whenever I mention it he gets all definsive and says "Why don't you go upstairs and do it yourself." Like I'm really going to do it - 7 months pregnant. Pregnant or not pregnant I can't do it. Then he has the nerve to say -"When have you ever started a project?"
I guess taking care of the kids, laundry, dishes and everything else is not considered a project. So I said "Well, the Spring and Fall clothes are a big project." and he said "Oh, wow - two times a year."
He never sees how much stuff I pick up around the house. If I didn't do it - the place would be a disaster.
He'll say "I work, do the yard, help with the kids, fix the house etc.." He doesn't seem to think taking the kids to all the stupid Birthday parties or soccar, gymnatstics and everything else is considered a job.
Well, I know I'm rambling. I mean - how can you measure who does more? Its really getting on my nerves.
Sharon

[ICNJess]

Hi, I can relate although I am not a mother. My husband and I, when we are both stressed, fight about my inability to work at the present because of the IC. I've got the IC back pain, so I ask him sometimes to rub my back and I get, "I work 40 hours a week and nobody rubs my back." Ugh. Or I might ask him to do something for me and I get that response. Although it is not often, it just frustrates me because I didn't ask for IC, I didn't ask to be in constant pain and misery!!! GRRRR!! banghead Anyways, I hope you get some empathy from him soon!!

Hugs,
Jess

[michaela]

I guess I'm the oddball here. I work 60 hours a week and bring home "the dough" and my husband does everything else. We also have 2 kids and he takes very good care of them while I'm at work. It's nice but I sometimes feel like the hubby instead of the wifey.LOL

Michaela

[ICNJess]

Michaela--

You go, girl!!! lmao

[michaela]

Thanks Jess,

i still have a few things to do when i get home. I am a little picky when it comes to my house but my hubby says it's his house.....I just pay for it.HEHE Pretty cool to be on the other end of the stick. In another year we are gonna trade and he will go back to work and I will stay home. it works out good.

Michaela

[Jen_Cole]

Hi Sharon-

We used to have those types of arguments. Then a miracle happened-he started working more on the house, helped more with our son, cooked a couple times, started doing dishes and laundry more frequently. There is one thing that I really can't stand, though(this may be a wee bit off the subject)-he will leave a paper coffee cup or empty pop can a foot away from the trash and not throw it away! Normally that would require a sarcastic comment from me, such as, "What-did your hand break?" Of course if you were to say something like that, it sounds like you might just anger him more. Not sure what to tell you there. Good luck!

[sanctuary]

I think these men sound abusive.. My husband needed "re-training".. or there were serious consequences for him.. I think they throw at us what we allow them to.. make them stop...If we put up with this it's like training them how to treat us badly.by allowing it to go on... If mine talked to me that way, he'd be out the door so fast.. and he knows this too. I feel lucky that I'm not in your shoes.. you poor things, Don't they know you have an incurable illness that is painful and on any given day you are doing your best?? Shame on them, their Moms must have spoiled them rotten and I mean rotten.. I hope this changes for you, or try making a list of everything you do..or stop doing ANYTHING..see how they like that for a week..Read"Women who run with the wolves" by Clarissa Pinkola Estes..It's an owners manual for being a women.. Bite if they snap! :-)
Kidding, hope things get better..sanctuary

[sharon429]

Thanks everyone for your response. I love what you had to say - Sanctuary - I really wish I could just stop doing everything for awhile so he could see what the house would really look like but I think he would just walk over everything and not even care. That would drive me even crazier!!!!
Right now my IC is in semi-remission but when its really bad its so difficult for me to do anything. I wish he could realize that.
Jen - my husband also puts his recycled cans right above where the recycling bucket is (underneath the sink). How hard is it to open up the cabinet and throw it out!!!!!
My mother has a husband(my dad of course) who does every little thing around the house and right away. He also does major yard work, building and helps around the house. But he lacks in other areas like he was never very good with being a dad and just from the comments he makes not very good in the bedroom either. My husband is a great father and good in other areas - if you know what I mean. So I guess you can't have everything.

Sharon

[Michelle in KC]

Hi, Sharon.

I wish we could all clone my hubby. I am ont saying we have never had a problem, but honestly, he is from God! He is a fabulous man. He will cook, clean, do laundry, dishes, take care of the kids, work 40 hours a week and still have time for me. No, I don't get back rubs, but am seriously considering going to a massage therapist for that. My son gives great foot rubs. Donald, my hubby, and I are in agreement about one thing. I need to stay healthy and stress is not a healthy thing. We try to not stress each other. Some thigns just are not worth the fight. Dirty underwear on the floor on his side of the bed... Socks not turned right side out... still wadded up. Even washed and dryed that way. It's just not worth the aggrivation and stress. Seriously. Please, step back. Take a weekend away if you can. I'm sure that one of us with IC would welcome you to our home for a peaceful weekend. Are you close to Arkansas? I'm in Mountain Home now. It's beautiful and peaceful and you are welcome here. Ok, one drawback... one bathroom. But, I am not a BAD case of IC. You are welcome to it. Michelle in AR

[Michelle33]

Sharon,

I know what ya mean. My husband thinks that I do nothing all day. I guess cooking, cleaning, laundry, the yards, taking 5 kids to school, soccer, baseball, basketball, volleyball, 4-H, dance, and whatever else they want to do doesn't count as working. I did all of this even when I worked a full time job that I had to commute 2 hours to and from. I quit working(my outside job) in March because of my health problems, but my jobs at home aren't going anywhere. He thinks he doesn't have to do anything around the house because he "leaves" for work each morning. I only get help when I flip out! I've been doing more of it lately! (nothing violent though) I think he's slowly getting the picture! ha-ha!

Michelle

[sharon429]

Michelle33 - sometimes thats the only way to get anything done is to FLIP OUT!!! Anyway, I hope you start feeling better soon.
Michelle from KC - Thanks so much for your offer to come and visit. That is so nice. I live in Bloomfield, New Jersey so theres no chance I'd be able to pay you a visit. Thanks anyway.
In a few days were going on a second summer trip to Wildwood, New Jersey. I love it there. The kids are starting school late (Sept. 9th) this year so its great that we can take advantage of the fabulous prices on the beach. The same room that goes for $200 is $60. It will be a wonderful end of the summer trip. When we went at the beginning of the summer I thought I wouldn't have a chance to relax with my 17 month old and my 3 other ones but my husband came through and I actually got to read a whole book. So I'm really looking forward to this trip.
My husband is getting a little better with helping out. He comes and goes in spurts(?). I swear they go through a cycle just like us!!

Sharon

[ICNJess]

Sharon--

I think you are right! I think men go through cycles, just like us!!!

[tigger_gal]

Oh boy can I relate, in 1999 he started my living room it's not done, in may of 2000 he took out the bedroom ceiling it got put up in oct 2000 its not mudded finished primed.gggrrr 2001 well he started my kitchen... not done.. 2002... re done the kitchen no floor now just wood... still not done... 2003.. the bathroom.... I finished it.
Brat