Where Do I Begin?

[sharon429]

I've been wanting to post now for weeks. I don't know where to begin. First of all like most of you know I just had a baby November 8th and of course I'm very happy about that. She is a wonderful baby girl named Sara and I feel so very blessed.
My husband has been out of work now since July 1st and we just found out that his unemployment will not be extended. He missed it by one week! I don't know what were going to do. I wish I could go to work but I would make next to nothing and I have to nurse the new baby. I might look for something part time.
I promised myself I wouldn't spend much money on Christmas but I went overboard as usual. My kids don't appreciate anything anyway so I don't know why I did it. Thats another thing that has got me depressed. Nobody is ever satisfied. I feel like I just give and give and everyone just takes and takes. I have five children and I try so hard to give everyone the right amount of attention but theres always someone that feels like there getting slighted. I'm always the bad guy - I feel like everytime I say anything that they have to do - I either make someone cry or they say I'm mean. I just can't win!!
Right after I had the last baby all I could think about was having another. Its so crazy. I swear I should go see a therapist because I can't stop this obsession with having babies. There has to be some reason why I just can't be satisfied with the five beautiful children I have. I know I can't have anymore. I'll be 42 in April - not only that but we don't have the money or room for more. Also, like I said, its really hard to give each one of them the attention that they need.
Anyway, I know this sound ridiculous. In one breath I'm saying one thing and another breath I'm saying I want more. Its really crazy - I love having babies and I love being pregnant. I feel so much better in every area when I'm pregnant. I know thats not a reason to have more. I love having my big family, playing and taking care of the children. I just wish they would appreciate me a little more. Sometimes they seem so selfish.
My six weeks is almost up for me to start having sex again and I'm getting really bad vibes from my husband. We planned the fifth baby but he's defintly done. I've been making jokes about the sixth and I think he's scared I'm serious. Every time I've mentioned fooling around he practiculy runs in the opposite direction. I'm feeling very rejected lately. He says he has a lot on his mind but c'mon! Its been like 12 weeks! Originally he said he was going to get a vasectomy but now we have no insurance. (Thats a whole other story) We have a real big problem with birth control. I used to use a diapragm but it aggravates my IC. I'm crazy on the pill and I really hate rubbers - they also aggravate my IC.
Well, I'm runninn on and on - theres a whole bunch of other things I wanted to post but I'll end it here. Thanks for listening.

Sharon

[erinaj1997]

Sharon,
Congrats on your new baby! baby
I'm so sorry your in such a bad spot. I think lots of women feel jilted, it's a thankless job what we do most of the time. I don't have any children yet, but I know how I feel sometimes when I cook , clean and everything else and get no appreciation. banghead

Have you tried different kinds of birth control? Or lambskin condoms? I think they're supposed to be less irritating than latex. Also no lube or anything on them.

Thinking of you, Erin

[readingmom]

Sharon,

Congrats on the new baby!! I don't know how you take care of that big of a family. I'm tired just thinking about it! HA! It's none of my business, but I think the mom and the dad need to want another baby before it needs to happen again. Your husband may also not be in the mood for loving in the bedroom because of his work situation. Some men just can't get into it when they are stressed. I would just reassure him that their will be no more babies unless he wants one too. As for the children being selfish, I would recommend a few things. Do you ever do any charity work? Seeing that other people don't have everything all nice really helps my daughter see how good she has things. Also, she doesn't get handed things. I'm not saying you do that. But she has to help in the home just like we do. Not only does it teach her how to do basic cleaning and cooking, but it helps her to appreciate the value of money. I'm sure too, that you're probably just plain ol' worn out from the new baby!! Sometimes when I'm flaring or just feel bad, I tend to see my child in a different way. Things that normally wouldn't bother me, DO! Sorry if I rambled, but my heart really does go out to you. My husband got laided off from his job when I was pregnant, and it's really scary. Hope he finds work soon. I will be praying for your family....Christie

[auntiedeb]

grouphug grouphug grouphug Sharon congrats on your new baby. I just want to tell you that I am not a Mom. But My Mom raised five children and it is hard work. I want to congralutate you on raising five children. You are a good Mom. How old are your kids? I love babies. I always did since I was little. I always held my sisters and brother when they were born. Except for Karen who is i next to me, I am the eldest, she used to scream and cry, I would be in her bassient pulling her hair or trying to smother her, I may of been jealous or couldn't handle her crying. You are a good Mom. You love your children. I can tell that you are a good Mom and I will be praying for you. Hang in there angel. angel angel

[sharon429]

Thanks everyone for having some really helpful and kind words. I'm so glad I finally got around to posting.
Christie - I'm glad you reminded me about doing something for charity with the kids. I've been meaning to do that for a long time. My husband always tells this story about when he was down and out feeling sorry for himself, then someone took him to a VA hospital and he realized how good he actually had it.
About my husband wanting another baby - he really does. He loves the baby stage so much and is going nuts about this new one. He makes jokes like 'boy its a good thing we didn't meet each other when we were young'. But he knows that we can't afford another and I think he also knows that five is his limit.
Debbie- How was your overall feeling about coming from a big family? My kids are ages 6,7,9(she just turned 9- its usually right in a row -like 6,7,8) and 21 months and the new baby. My 21 month old is having a very hard time accepting the new baby. She is very jeolous and I never had this problem when the other ones were babies and so close together. Olivia (my 21 month old) wakes up whining and goes to bad moaning - this is the other thing going on here. I've been trying to pay more attention to her. Its actually getting better.
I hope after the new year my husband finds a job. I'm getting to the point now where I'm worried all the time about the money. I happened to mention to him that I would like a CD player in my van. Well, I should have known not to say anything. He always goes overboard. He came back from Circuit City with my early Christmas present. I CD player for the van. He was so excited giving it to me and I'm still ANGRY. I can't enjoy it because I know he spent way too much money on it. He won't tell me how much it cost but keeps saying I should have a good one. I would have been satisfied with anything or even better yet - I didn't really need one! I have to remember not to suggest anything like that to him. He always goes overboard.
Thanks for everyone's prayers. Every night when I say our prayers with the kids we ask God for Daddy to get a job. The other day my 7 year old said "Why is god not listening to us"? I know we all have felt the same way a million times. I told her that god has a lot more people that have no homes or are sick that he has to take care of.
I woke up this morning hoping my mood would have changed. I think I'm more depressed today then yesterday. I hope I snap out of it and start enjoying the holiday. Its snowing here right now.
Sharon

[Iris]

Congrats on your new baby Sharon, boy you have your hands full with the little ones. Hope that you are also taking care of you, when you can get the time. Your husband sounds like mine, I have to be very careful when I make comments, especially around Christmas, as he remembers them and get the things. He sounds like he is a wonderful Dad, which is great. You must be a great mum, I know I felt like you when I was pregnant with my kids, it was one of the best times in my life, I felt so great, nothing like that feeling. Oh well enough rambling on, let us know how you are doing yourself, and hope that hubby is able to find a job soon, take care and hugs Iris hi grouphug

[readingmom]

Sharon,
I know that I have already posted once, but I feel I need to post again. I have felt like God wasn't listening to me or not caring about me before, too. Even though I have a relationship with Him, sometimes our humaness gets in the way. But God does care about the little things in our lives as well as the big things. I know that you probably already know that, but sometimes we need to hear it. It's hard when God says "wait" We never want to hear that, but know that He cares for you and your family very much and He is hearing your prayers....Love,Christie

[havingsuccess]

Sharon,

I'm sorry your feeling so down. I was an only child and it was kinda lonely growing up. I have 2 girls and have my tubes tied. To be totally honest I don't have alot of patience with kids. I try and I'm getting better but I couldn't have had anymore. You have 5 wonderful children and I know they all love you very much. I could tell from your post that you're an excellent mom. It takes alot to take care of 5 kids not every woman could do it. BE very proud of yourself.

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