Trouble in Kindergarten

[Michelle in KC]

Justin had 3 yellow days this week!!! Tuesday, he threw food in the cafeteria. I didn't know until Friday evening. Wednesday, he was talking and playing instead of doing his table work. I got a note about this Wednesday evening. And Friday, he was fighting with another kid! That's 3 days out of 5!!! I am fit to be tied! Justin is only 5 years old. I have grounded him for 3 days, since he had 3 yellow days. No TV, no toys. I am making him write a letter to his teacher apologizing for his bad behavior. Ok, so I wrote it on kindergarten paper and he's tracing it. But it's taking him 2 hours to get it done. It only says "Dear Mrs. Hughes, I am sorry for my bad behavior this week. I will try harder. Sincerely, Justin Vossmer" 4 lines. And if you know kindergarten paper, those lines are made to write BIG. Anyway, we've had a rough week. My in-laws were in town. Thank God they went home. I missed them, but I am so glad they went home. SO GLAD! JUstin is fighting a cold. He's crabby and tired and sniffling and coughing. It's not fun. So, what would you do for punishment for 3 yellow days? Any ideas would be welcome. Thanks so much. Michelle

[auntiedeb]

grouphug grouphug grouphug Justin is only 5 years old right? My goodness, what is the kindergarten teacher thinking? She should be able to help Justin. I think you did the right thing Michelle. I would reassure Justin that you love him and that you care for him. I knwo that you do. I would set up a conference with his teacher and see what you two can come up with. Hard to be away from Mommy. Justin must miss you so much when he is in school. Praying for you. Keep us posted on how you and Justin are doing. I hope Justin feels better and that you feel better too.

[ICNDonna]

Sounds to me like normal 5-year-old behavior! The only one that concerns me is fighting and I always discouraged my children from that one --- unless they were defending themselves --- you might want to check that one out. I had a call from school when I had a first grader and he had hit a girl. When he got home, I asked him why and found out she had been picking on him for weeks before he finally fought back. And when he was in third grade, he was caught shooting craps for pennies in the corner of the gymnasium at lunch time! (Believe me, I earned every one of my white hairs raising my kids!).

By the way, my little monster is an adult now and lives about 150 miles from here. We visited his new home a few weeks ago. He has a position at a state university and is a well respected member of his community.

Unless you see your little one being cruel to animals or other children, I wouldn't worry too much. Sometimes it's hard to punish without smiling, isn't it?

Sending an encouraging grammy hug,
Donna

[sharon429]

Michelle,
My son had major problems in Kindergarten. Every day the teacher would be waiting outside the door telling me something else. It drove me nut!! The more and more we reprimanded my son or talked to him about it the worse he got.
The thing is - is that he was in special preschool(through a different school) because of his speech and we never had any problems at all. We couldn't understand what was going on.
Well, after conferences and the teacher suggesting he might have ADD (which we couldn't believe since it was never brought up with the child study team after he was unclassified) he finally got through Kindergarten.
Anyway, he started first grade two weeks ago and I was so worried. Our Kindgergarten is only half a day so its a really big thing to go to all day so I was worried. He is doing fabulous!!!!(Knock on wood).
I really think the whole thing had to do with the teacher. Its a known fact that she dislikes boys and she has two ADD children and thinks she's an expert on it. She suggests SO many children have it.
I also think the more we talked to him about it the more attention he was getting and that was a good thing for him since he just got a new baby sister.
So many things could be the result of your sons behaivor so hang in there.

Sharon

[havehope]

Ahh, the joys of having a child in trouble. My daughter, on her first day of mother co-opping, bit another child. Needless to say, people weren't happy. Five seems a bit young to be grounding him - I know you're concerned about him. Make sure you discuss with him what the yellow paper means. Perhaps if you want a reward or discipline approach, you could tell him that for every 10 or whatever days (they don't have to be consecutive)without a yellow slip then he gets to see a video, a star sticker on a chart, or some other small reward. If he receives a yellow slip then that delays his getting his reward.
However, if he has been fighting or some other issue that needs immediate attention, then taking away toys or tv for the day might be necessary. Each child is different. Hang in there. My daughter doesn't bite anymore (thank goodness since she's in the 7th grade)!

[Teri]

On the first day of kindergarden with my son the teacher was waiting for me at the door and said "Mrs Curr, I really think you should think of holding Brian back a year. I've been doing this for close to 50 years and have never had a child like this." I looked her in the eye and said "than consider him a lesson for you because I am not holding him back." Wasn't until 4th grade when he got a male teacher that he got his crap together but he did. He managed to graduate and at 30 years old he is running his own crew with a brick and block company making lots and lots of money. His whole problem thru all of those years of school, he could NOT stand to be looked inside for that many hours a day.

Good luck with your son and trust me, you will both survive it

[KarenNielsen]

Gosh, he is only 5 and kindergarten just started a month ago...maybe he is supposed to have some psychic power that will clue him in to what the expected behavior is for a school setting, but I vote the teacher is responsible to re-direct him in a constructive manner until he gets the hang of the whole school thing. Instead she uses negative reinforcement with the yellow slips, and then at home he is grounded which really lets him know he is bad and a failure in the whole school department. This is too abstract a punishment to change the behavior of a 5 year old, his little mind is not yet logical enough. Since you cannot be there to correct him, what he needs is a new teacher who can handle 5 year olds, or some re-training of this current one! As an example of how much difference the teacher can make, my kindergartener is doing well academically in spite of attention problems and comes home with completed schoolwork with the teacher's "star" on it every day. He had a substitute 1 day and came home with a mostly blank paper, no star, and a note from the teacher saying "he was supposed to...". Now I am sure this is not the only day he drifted away from his work, but his regular teacher re-directs him back to it while the Sub waited until the end of the day and then told him basically, "sorry, buddy, you sucked today". What you have hear is a bad teacher, not a bad kid. ground HER.

[Patrice]

Oh, my. My sweet 6 year old daughter had glowing reports in preschool and first grade...bright, friendly, hardworker, sweet. Now the first grade teacher tells me she has to learn to do things the first time she's told and to not talk to her neighbors, blah blah. My daughter is so upset. She tries really hard to be perfect and gets very upset with herself if she's not. She gets so involved in what she's doing she really doesn't hear the teacher. Plus, SHE'S SIX YEARS OLD. She is soooo sensitive and such a good kid who yeah has to be told a few times sometimes, and like any kid gets in trouble for talking back but this teacher is really doing a job on her self esteem. She has been crying every night saying the teacher tells the same kids over and over that they are good listeners and she tries so hard. So I'm right there with you. I understand that more is expected of a first grader, but give them some time. And those other kids sound like a bunch of brown nosing teacher pets if you ask me. Hang in there!

[ICNDonna]

Patrice, it may be time for you to think about having a conference with that teacher. She needs to know how she is upsetting your little girl.

I think all of the teachers in my children's school may have had a party to celebrate when my kids went on to the next school level.

Donna