What's a mom to do?

[Michelle33]

I have 3 kids. Girl, boy, girl. (11,10 and 7) I also have 2 step-daughters, 13 and 10. I have joint custody of my kids so I have them every other week and we have my step-kids every other weekend. Everyone gets along great and we usually have a good time together. Lately though, I've been real cranky and short tempered with them. I've been having a flare for about a year now and recently quit my job because of it. The kids know I have "tummy" troubles. That's what I call it. They don't know all the details and couldn't understand if I tried to explain it. It's not their fault. I feel sooooooo guilty sometimes. I've always been very close with all of them and I want to keep it that way. I've been trying extra hard to take time outs if I start to feel cranky. Has this or is this happening to anyone else? I would love some advice from someone who actually knows the condition. I talk to family memebers, but they just think I'm being a nag.....Thanks

[ICNDonna]

The big thing is to be honest with the kids. Tell them you don't feel good and that if you are cranky with them it's not something they have done.

I do suggest you go for some family counselling so you can learn different ways to cope when you aren't feeling well. I know it's hard --- that's why it's good to get some help.

Warm encouraging hugs,
Donna

[jaime15]

Five kids. eek Well hon, that alone would send people into a tizzy. Let alone those of us with IC.
I bet you're doing a fine job. We're always harder on ourselves.
At least at that age they can entertain each other. And you should be upfront. Tell them your bladder has a malfuntion that you can't help it. And you get cranky when you're hurting just like they do when they hurt. I'd say you might be surprised how much they listen or understand.
Hope the flare ends soon! wink
Hugs,
Jaime

[Michelle33]

I do tell them that I am cranky because my stomach hurts. They say ok, that they understand, but how long is that going to last? Now that they are older, they are in sports, clubs, dance, all kinds of things. I've been waiting for them to be old enough to do all these things and now, I just never feel good. Pain or no pain, I don't miss anything they do! I am starting therapy this week. Not just for the kids, but for my husband and myself. This has also been very strenuous on my marriage. He's not as understanding as the kids about my mood swings. He takes it personal. I explain to him over and over that it's me, just ignore it. People who don't have this problem just don't understand what we're going through. That's why I like this site so much. You guys are great! Thanks for listening and for the feedback

[Iris]

Hi Michelle33, I agree with Jaime, five children and IC on top of it, especially you have some in teens, that is not an easy time I know, I have been through that, but lucky for me I did not have IC then, I think I would have lost it, so cranky doesn't sound so bad, but I know how hard it must be for you. Try and get a short space of time just for you if you can and regroup. I think I also would explain more about your condition, the kids might surprise you, and they may understand more how you feel at times. Anyway good luck, keep us posted, hang in there Iris hi grouphug

[Dixiefireball]

we have four children here one is 13 our nephew 11 our son 9 our daughter and 5 our son. plus the neighbor kids i just tell them i dont feel good that works most of the time for my kids the other ones on the other hand dont understand but there not mine so why bother. your not the only one feels this way ic is hard on most of us but our children do know we love them but i still try to tell them everymorning and every night that i do and i do tell them i'm sorry if i have been ill dont feel bad on your self. just try to let them know you love them even if you feel bad and do something ex nice for them when you feel better that is what i do. good luck hon. wink

[Michelle33]

I do tell my kids I love them all the time. Always have. I just feel guilty. I'm not as active with them as I use to be. I go to all their functions, but I can't really ride bikes with them, take walks, stuff like that. They are great kids and I know they don't hold it againt me, I just don't like having limitations on the things I can or can't do. You've helped me alot. Next time I start to get cranky and irritable, I'll remember some of the messages I have read here and hopefully that will change my attitude. (My husband will thank you also!)ha-ha! lmao

[Flowerchild]

Michelle33..you are not alone ...I have horrible guily at times..not being able to do with my kids. I feel like they have to suffer because of me..hubby too.(Although my marriage has been stale for years) When I feel good though, I go for it!!! Do as much as I can..esp. with the kids. I guess it all works out and they are ok.
You are a good mom and are doing the best you can and managing. My gosh 5 kids!!! Don't beat yourself up to much about this. I hope your flare takes a hike REAL soon! kissing
Flowerchild

[Ginny]

I remember feeling terrible that I was always sick when my kids were young. I did and still do the best I can but sometimes I have to step back and let my husband take over. They have gotten real close to their dad because of this.
My children had to help when they were young and because of it they became 2 very independent women. Sometimes not being there 100% is not such a bad thing.
Ginny

[Michelle in KC]

Hi, Michelle. Welcome to the ICN. I go nuts from time to time with just my 2 kids. I am going to tell you what someone really great here on the ICN told me opnce... Just amke the good times count. They won't remember the bad times when they get older. And also, In my opinion, the kids are old enough to learn about IC. My daughter is 11 and son is 5. Interstitial Cystitis is a mouthful for the 5 year old but he has the genereal concept of it. We'll go out to eat and he'll say "Take a pill, Mom", or he'll make sure I get the bathroom first when we get home. My daughter defends my choice of routes because I know the good bathrooms along the way and she even makes sure the toilet paper is on the roll a certain way. (if I am barely awake and having to pee I don't want to fight with the toilet paper. I have to have it going under not over) Good Luck and they will understand. Michelle from KC (Now in Arkansas)

[lotsofgirls]

Hi Michelle,
I have 4 daughters and 1 step daughter ages 21 to 5. I tell them the facts so that they can deal with the consequences of my being unavailable or in bed etc. I also work hard to reassure them that its not fatal, just very disruptive, so that they don't worry. When I am in bed and in pain, the older kids will actually come in and tell me stories (entertain me actually) and help me get through until the meds kick in. They have become very empathetic through this. They are still kids though and drive me nuts at times. I lost a close friend last year to cancer, so I think even though I have this disease, I have good days, handle most things, and my kids still have me for the most part. I am cranky when in pain too, but I try to tell them, "I am in pain, don't push etc". They are doing fine right now with it. If you want to talk more, you can send me a private message. I try hard to live by rule number one " do not feel guilty, I did not bring this on myself, it has happened, lets deal with it as a family " That rules helps me most days. Take care,
Cath

[emeralds333]

I can soooooo relate to this. I have 5 kids too, ages 14, 12, 11, 2 and 4 months old. Three are with my first husband, the last two with my second.

The last pregnancy (not so very long ago) was excruciating with the IC........probably because I was flaring really badly for a few months before I got pregnant, but my limitations with the kids is the pits sometimes.

I feel guilty too when they're begging to have friends over and I can barely manage the five of them when I'm in pain and there's no way I could handle another.

And they haven't been very good about it lately. They're sick of it and feel like they're paying for my problem (the IC) and it throws so much more work at my husband when I'm flaring badly. He's wonderful, more than understanding and helpful but I need to work on the kids understanding it and not being so angry about it.

I got a message on my cell phone last week, when I had "ANOTHER" dr appointment and my son wanted to "go to work" (mowing lawns in a neighborhood down the road) and had to wait for me to get home. Well I was later than I'd hoped. You know how Dr's offices are sometimes.......and my son left me a message saying, "I hate you" and hung up. I just found it tonight and have been so hurt and down over it. He's pre-teen (the 12 yr old) and so is battling the difficulty of those years but Lord how they can stomp on your heart sometimes. frown

[Lisa1979]

I know what your going through. I have 2 girls 4 years and 5 months and my 4 year old is always asking to go somewhere or do something and I feel bad telling her no. I was aggrivated with her the other day and kinda said to myself," I can't wait til you start school". She says,"because you don't want to see me!" I felt just AWFUL, I wanted to cry. This coming from a 4 year old was unbelievable. At night I can't sleep if something like this happens. I always think of places I can take her to make up for it. My 2 girls and I always took baths together and everytime I would get a UTI I would stop and have to wait. They love our baths together and my 4 year old would always ask me and I would have to say no. Now I know what I have and that they cannot catch it from me so we are in the bubbles having fun again
Lisa1979