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  • punishment

    Hi everybody,
    I think I'm going crazy. Daddy grounded my 6 year old from her toys because she refused to clean anything in her room. Well the mes now just ends up everywhere since she don't play in her room. He insists I'm not doing anything when I'm dealing with her every minute of everyday. I can't take it anymore!!! I'm thinking of giving her toys back anyway. I thought it was a little extreme in the first place but justified. Now I think it's getting too long. Should I just tell him this is one thing I'm gonna deal with since I'm the one who deals with her all day? I really need other opinions here. Thanks all

    IC, endometriosis, cervical dysplasia, bi-polar, trichotillomania (hair pulling disorder), scoliosis, fibroid breast disorder, chronic fatigue, arthritis in hands, temporal lobe seizures
    buspar 30mg, atarax 100mg, norco 10mg 30/week for pain, vimpat 100mg 2/day, trileptal 600mg 2/day
    flare strategyestrace cream, lidocaine jelly, and ice pack on urethra. ativan .5mg for severe flares only

    Life's not about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
    (and looking for rainbows)

  • #2
    I think it's really important that you agree on punishments. If you don't then the kids tend to see that and try to get around punishments. My husband and I either discuss things and agree on something or just one of us handles it. I tend to disipline our 3 year old because my husband has three older children and his ex wife didn't parent at all so he had to always be the bad guy. So for the most part I deal with the punishments so he can have fun being a dad the second time around. My son knows that I mean business and my husband doesn't undermind my authority nor do I do the same to him. Whatever you decide, good luck, punishing your kids is no fun!

    I have been diagnoised for 6 1/2 years now. I have taken a long break from the ICN but really miss helping out my fellow IC patients and want to get back into posting.
    1st hydro 4/07 showed no visible signs of IC but tons of mast cells in all my biopsy samples which did prove IC.
    2nd hydro 4/13/09 showed dark purple glomerulations and I had a capacity of 450 cc's. This hydro proved that my IC had progressed.
    I have tried every oral medication as well as rescue instills and DMSO.

    I have been lucky enough to see Dr Hanno, the top IC specialist in PA who has told me due to the fact that I have not responded to any "standard" treatments that I have a severe, end stage case of IC with a horrible quality of life (didn't have to tell me that last part!)

    Proud wifey of Shane, mommy to Griffin, and step-mom to Logan and Gage
    Also proud mom to the best Bullmastiff on earth, Claus


    • #3
      I agree with Christine, as a teacher I really see how important it is for parents to agree, especially on consequences for behavior. You & your fiance need to get it worked out first, so that she knows you are both the ones in charge. Doing this now will be well worth it when she's bigger & the stakes are higher.

      I teach high school & can't tell you how many parents I've seen in tears because they can't control their teens. If they'd stayed firm together & presented a united front when their kids were little, there would have been order in their family & they wouldn't have had to wind up in counseling with a surly, rude young person who's five foot six & doesn't respect either of them. Sorry if that seems overstated, but the trend I'm seeing now is parents who are very tired, stressed, & because of this, want to keep things easy & give in to the kids when maybe what the kids really needed most is structure & discipline.

      Does your daughter have a place where her toys are put away each night? It's not reasonable for your house to be continually messy with children's toys everywhere. It's not good for the adults, it's stressful to constantly step on things & it's not good for a child to learn that the entire house belongs to them & that things aren't valuable enough to take care of them.

      A big plastic tub* is a great investment if you don't have one. Anything not in the plastic tub by dinner time can be picked up & put in a garbage bag in "toy jail" in the garage for a day or two or until she "earns" them back by picking up things & maybe doing something small "extra" chore (like folding dish towels or something). It's very reasonable to say to a child that age, "We all work together to keep our house neat. It's everybody's job."

      *And there are lots of these on sale right now because people like to buy them to store Xmas ornaments & decorations. I got a really big one at Longs the other day for $8 when they're usually $15!

      Good luck! Parenting is the hardest & most important job in the world. Hang in there!

      I am not a medical authority nor do I offer medical advice. In all cases, I strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.

      New favorite quote: "God gives us only what we can handle. Apparently God thinks I'm a bad-ass" ~Author Unknown
      Source - Pinterest

      Current treatments:
      -IC diet
      -Elavil 50mg at night
      -Continuous use birth control pills (4-5 periods/year)
      -Heparin/Marcaine/Sodium Bicarb home instills at night 3-4x per week, more often if needed
      -Pyridium if needed,
      -Pain medicine at bedtime daily, as needed during the day several times per week
      -Antibiotic when doing an instillation to prevent UTI
      -Colace & SmartFiber to treat chronic constipation from meds, Fleet enema as needed
      -Dye Free Benadryl 50 mg at bedtime
      -"Your Pace Yoga: Relieving Pelvic Pain" dvd, walking, treadmill at gym
      -Managing stress= VERY important!
      -Fur therapy: Hugging the cat!


      • #4
        She is 6 years old. Believe it or not but she may not know how to clean up her room to her parents satisfaction. This is the best chance yet to show her how. Make it a fun learning thing. By telling her you know it seems overwhelming but by taking one piece at a time and putting it where it belongs will help. If you have a place for everything in the room and show her how each thing goes into that place , she may find it fun and be proud to do it. I wouldn't over-ride my Husband but I was able to do a lot of teaching. My Parents took for granted that I could do many things that I really did not know how to tackle. Kids are all different. Good luck. Ziggy


        • #5
          I agree with it's important to have unified front. But make sure it's not in front of the child. I have been there and done that with 2 sons. They are grown now and back with they were quite young, my IC started when they were still toddlers, I still tried so hard to keep my house "just so" and my family and I both paid for it in the long run. I truly don't think a 6 year old knows how to keep her room as clean as an adult would. They have their own standards. My older son was my neat child (rediculously neat, almost to the point of OCD). He did most of it on his own. That was just in his "makeup". He even folded his clothes just so (after I had already folded them!!!!) My younger son, was just as happy living in a rat's nest than cleaning up his room. Oh the wasted days and remembering how upset the entire family would get just some simple request of putting his toys in the toy box. I know I have the benefit of looking back. and seeing things differently. I don't know if any "lecture" would have helped me back then (I know it wouldn't, since I had to keep a clean room), but I learned when my IC got to where I was lucky I was even out of bed, and it was even hard to do the simplest of tasks, I learned that when it was really truly important that my family get together and get our house "company ready" that they would pull their weight. With my younger son, we would "thin" out his toy collection just to make it easier on him and me. He also had a huge love of make planes with paper, and all that messiness that goes with it, so just taking away toys wasn't always the answer. I learned (after many wham bam arguements, that we could just close his door) As long as he took care of his toys and he knew that if he wanted his friends over to play, that he need to start with a "clean slate" and we let him make that decision. When his friends left, he either had them help clean up the mess, or he would have to do it on his own. If that meant just shoving everything back into his closet, that was his decision. After a few incidents of missing parts or broken toys, he learned on his own, what was necessary since we weren't going to replace that beloved Power Ranger just because he ddin't take care of it.

          The rule that still holds true in our house (my younger son is home for the Thanksgiving Holiday and he is following it now) is that you clean up behind yourself. Dirty dishes go in the sink or dishwasher and definiely get's rinsed off, but if he wants his room a mess, he can keep it that way, but by the times he goes back to college, I expect it to be like he found it. He takes all the linens off his bed and puts them "in" the laundry room. We don't have fights and I am not aggravated in the short time he is home.

          My mom made us keep a clean room constantly which led to alot of restriction and unnessary defiance. People's ideas of clean are not the same. I was a messy child in my younger years, but I learned that I was happier in a "more together" personal space when I got older. I even became happier when I had cleaned my room. Believe me, my mom giving me ultimatums, didn't bring on that self acknowledgement. I am sure (well I know) that making up my own mind made me stronger and more willing. She tried several chore boards, reward systems, etc, but I finally got it, when I was so frustrated with myself when I was trying to find things. Kids have more toys these days (even when my kids where younger...the wonderful world of mini cars and legos!!!!)

          We all all different, but I don't look back now and treasure the fact that they kept a clean room all the time. I still have those memories of arguements and frustration before I finally realized that there is a reason for doors and as long as they respected the "family" part of the house and yard, things got so much easier for all of us!

          My younger son, now keeps his college bedroom clean and his clothes neat.
          Beleive me, looking at his other friend's rooms (except of couse his OCD friend, Jonathan) you would think he had a maid!!!