does anyone ever worry and get paranoid their partners with leave them???

[kjd]

Hey there

Well I have recently been worried sick my boyfriend will just get so fed up of me and IC that he will just leave me and find someone else who is "normal"!!!!!
Does anyone else ever feel like this?? I just feel like since having IC, vulvodina and ME I have changed so much and put on 2 stone and everytime he comes to see me I seem to be in pain and crying!
I know he loves me and he says he will stand by me no matter what but I just worry so much! I'm not the woman he fell in love with and I feel sad he is stuck with me now the way I am. I have lost my confidence now and I think I am just scared of losing him.help: !

Does anyone else feel like this sometimes?? I hope its not just me as I feel quite alone today.

thanks so much for taking time to read this
xxx

[mybladder]

Hi,

I am so sorry to hear that you feel that way, I will admit that I wish I was normal and did not have to deal with this especially when I go to the urologist and I am the only person in their under 50! And when we are intimate, and sometimes, I have to stop because it is uncomfortable for me. It can be really difficult because I feel like he will want someone who can handle it better, but then I think about it and realize that if he loves me, he will make adjustments and stick by my side--the same way I would for him. Do not blames youself, its not like we asked for this, or we could have done ANYTHING differently to avoid this. I definitely understand... I hope you are having a better day today. I know this is easier to say than do, but try not to worry about it, if (he won't ) he leaves you for something like this--HE DOES NOT DESERVE YOU!

[kjd]

thank you so much! i'm so pleased to know that its not just me who worries about stuff like this!

Thanks again xx

[mom_in_ma]

When I was 26 and dating my future husband, I fell ill with a very serious illness. (Not IC, but also chronic) My husband, quite honestly had to evaluate whether or not he could handle my illness. He stuck it out and we've been married for nearly a decade. IC has only cropped up during the past four years. But, he has his own issues and we both work through life together.

Besides, would you really want to be with someone who is so self absorbed that they can't deal with your issues?

[petrie86]

I also struggle with the same problem!! It's usually when I get my period and when I'm emotional that I cry to him. I tell him that i'm scared that one day he's going to get fed up with me and my disease and want to be with someone who is normal... sometimes I tell him that I think he deserves more than me, and he might be happier with someone else. He always tells me I'm crazy and that he couldnt live without me in his life... that he loves me and will never leave me. He says that i'm so important to him and just because I'm sick doesnt change the way he feels about me.
This disease has definitly brought my self esteem to a low level! I am trying to work myself. I'm starting to feel better with Ic the elmiron is working!!! YAH! But I do have my low's.
I'm sure your bf loves you and will help you when you cant hold yourself up. there is a song by Nick Lachey called "Run to Me." he's the chorus (my bf said this song is made for me from him.) How cute?? Have you heard the song?

"I'm holding on for you,
I'm fighting for your life.
And when your blinded by this jaded world,
I'll be your eyes.
Even if you fall,
I won't let you break.
When all the noise is telling you
To run away,
Run to me."

[tigger_gal]

absolutely.. I use to feel like this all the time... I hate to admit this, but, now I just don't care.. If he can't support me then he should go. It dose not mean that I don't love him, just the simple fact that I will be able to go on with out him...
sending you hugs....

[ABliske]

I am 26 and I have felt like this at times. I was a healthy 21 year old when I met my husband, not at all the same person I am now. I know that he loves me though. Men don't always express their feelings well. Is there anything he's said that has made you concerned?
I hope he is supportive and trusts you. My husband knows that I am not lying about his. Number one he was there when I was diagnosed and also he can feel the burning inside me during intercourse. If your man knows that you have IC and are doing all you can to take care of yourself he should understand. I have a lot of faith that you will be a strong couple if he is "the one." You are obviously a caring person to consider his feelings. I honestly think you should not worry over it. You have enough on your plate with the IC. Have a wonderful day! Enjoy the time you have with him.

[SandyRN]

I know that I've certainly felt this way. I recently posted about how inadequate I felt I was because I was sick and how I am not able to work as a RN. Chronic illness and chronic pain take it's toll on a person, mentally and physically, and you my dear, are perfectly normal in your feelings. It's a mourning process to be dx'd with something that you now must live with for the rest of your life. I know in my case I felt like he deserved someone better, healthier, someone who could help more with the finances, etc, etc...and someone who wasn't in pain during or after sex.

I dont know your bf, but if he's sticking by you now, I would imagine he has no plans on leaving you. The way I see it, I wouldn't leave Tom because he was sick or had a chronic disease (he does have Crohn's disease). I would stick by him because that's what people who love each other do. Good and bad.

Like everyone said, you really would not want him in your life if he was so self absorbed that he couldn't deal with your illness.

I'm sorry you're having these feelings, but we know exactly how you feel!

Hugs, Sandy

[leelee88]

Ohhh Kjd..... I feel like that alot!!! I am not the same person that I was when my husband and I met, He is a great person and shows me everyday how much he loves me, but I still get very insecure sometimes.

But when I am feeling that way I always talk to him..I told him the other day that I just didnt feel like I could give him what he wants, that he should go find someone who was not sick.. He said... Would you leave me if I was sick? I said no way I would want to be there to help you and take care of you, because I love you so much..He replied and said then what makes you think I would leave you just because you are sick...So I guess im stuck with him..

[meme]

I get that way too. This summer I wasn't doing too good, and was sure that Mike would eventually leave me. He's so outgoing and always wants to go out and do this or that. We started having A LOT of problems, and were looking at getting marriage counseling. But then, the weird thing that happened was that I started getting better and we STILL weren't getting along! I really thought that the IC had drained me and changed who I was, and it was making me more homebound and depressed, but it wasn't the main source of our problems. We had a long talk while we were on the cruise and decided that we both need to make changes. I guess what I'm getting at is, if your relationship is good and strong it will make it in the end. Yeah, IC makes it difficult, but if he loves you he'll stick with you no matter what. If you're really worried about it ( and I get that way alot) talk to him, tell him you need reassured, and that you hate IC too. Mike and I are doing so much better since we had our talk. Hope you get to feeling better!

[janelle77362]

I feel this way too. I sometimes get scared too that he will cheat on me because we can't be as intimate as we both like. But I agree with Robin. If he is that self-absorbed than he doesn't deserve you anyways.

[topcop229]

You are certainly not alone! I feel this way as well. I was diagnosed with IC two weeks before my wedding. I already had endometriosis, but it didn't affect my day-to-day life, and at first, IC didn't either. Then, almost all of the sudden, I was stuck in bed, in pain, unable to have sex, unable to work, etc.
My hubby has stuck by me every step of the way and says he will never leave my side, but I think it's natural to worry that our partners may just get fed up and leave. I just try to remember that he does love me, he takes great care of me, and I also try to remember that IC does not only affect me, but it does affect him as well. I try and remember that when I am complaining about not feeling well or something. This life certainly isn't the one he asked for, and I try to keep that in mind...we are not the only ones suffering, but our partners are suffering too and I think it's important that we always acknowledge that.
I have known people whose spouse left them at the first sign of IC...and like someone else said, if a person does that, then it wasn't really true love to begin with and you are better off without such a person!!!

[Paininthe*.*]

To be honest, it's the hardest part of this disease for me...knowing my husband has worked so hard all is life. Now that he's close to retiring, he's stuck with me being sick. This is NOT the life we dreamed of having, and I feel SOOO guilty. I push myself to try to appear "normal" for him....he deserves it. But times like this week, when I've been flairing for days for no obvious reason, I get very depressed and sometimes think he would be better off if I left so he could enjoy life with someone "normal". I'm crying now just thinking of how much this disease has changed my life........

[topcop229]

You are obviously so caring and have a huge heart if your first concern is for your husband to be with someone 'normal.' He obviously loves you, and my husband always tells me, you never know what will happen in the future. There may come a time that your husband is ill or needs surgery or something, and you will be there to take care of him. He is probably your own personal IC angel sent to help you through this disease. Try not to be depressed at how IC has changed your life (I know, easier said than done). Instead, try to be happy at how IC has proven how unshakable your marriage is and how much your hubby loves you!

[steph4308]

I feel like that a lot. My husband's main love language is touch which I really don't care to be (anywhere from my neck down) when I'm in pain. He is usually supportive but every now and then he sneaks in something like "I hear sex is good for pain" and I'm turned off completely. It makes me feel like I'm some sort of a prude. I do feel guilty and that he might be thinking of what life would have been like with someone else. But, since I didn't choose this I have to have faith in our vow--in sickness or in health, then try to be as pleasant as I can.