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does anyone ever worry and get paranoid their partners with leave them???

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  • #16
    I too, worry

    I am so sorry that on top of IC, you have to deal with this issue of worry. I am in the same situation and fear that I am not the woman I was, or had dreamed of being. I try to stay "looking fit" and try to concentrate on the good in my relationship, but it is on the back of my mind at times that I will be left by this sweet, good man. I know it is not impossible, but we have to believe that they love us in spite, and we are more than just the sexual part that IC can steal at times. I think it is very normal and universal to have these fears, even if they ar just that: Fears.

    Take care,
    Katheryn

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    • #17
      I know how real the fear is of losing a partner. I lost mine(he decided to end the marriage in May 06)because of the chronic illness and alot of other things that trickled down. Please don't let that scare you. I am now nearing the other side and see red flags that should have tipped me off along time ago. We were together nearly 14 years total and when the illnesses started there were undeniable things that happened that should have clued me in. If he is still by you, he is in for the long haul. Your chap sounds wonderful. I hope your IC cuts you a break soon, and many prayers for a long, healthy life together for you both.

      Hugs,
      Barb
      (Babs passed away in April 2009. We honor her memory and remember her fondly. - Jill O. ICN President & Founder)

      [SIZE="1"]Proud mama of a gift named Lindsey who taught me through her autism what is important in life:angel:
      :angel: IC Angel Volunteer Coordinator :angel:
      :) Contact me via PM or e-mail if you would like to help
      I have learned all about life in 3 words: It goes on! :D--Robert Frost
      PCOS 7/85
      RSD 7/94 :headbang:
      Endometriosis 9/98 :toilet:
      Antiphospholipid antibody syndrome 9/99
      Kidney stones--too many to count
      Factor V Leiden mutation 10/02
      IC 6/03 :evilsmile
      Deep Venous Thrombosis and Cellulitis 12/05 :loco: DVT and Greenfield Placed 3/14/08
      "Spirit is an invisible force made visible in all of life"--Maya Angelou
      "Ohana means family--no one gets left behind or forgotten." Stitch[/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE]

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      • #18
        Hey Barb,

        What a kind message. It mans a lot to all of us to be understood; doesn't it? Are you able to work full time with your IC? I was thinking of you and your caretaking of others. Amazing! And let's face it; it is good to have a loving partner to come home to....but sometimes we have to rely on the love of our friends and be thankful for them ....and ****** we are ICers.. take care girl.
        I am so glad I found this network.

        Love,
        Katheryn

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        • #19
          Hi, Just like the others... no you are not alone and it helps me to know that I am not alone.
          Like another post mentioned... my husband knew I had some health problems when we met (high school sweethearts) but neither of us ever knew it would turn so bad so fast. We spent our one month married anniversary in the hospital, I had my first surgery to remove ovarian cysts and endo. Then we spent our one year anniversary in the hospital with my stomach problems... equalling gall stones, IBS, and hiatial hernia with GERD.
          It has been most hard on us in two ways.
          As others have said... and most every woman knows... men are very sexual and it is very difficult to have wild sex when your insides feel bruised and on fire... from female issues to IC our sex life has been affected. My husband has been frustrated but never has left or cheated because of it.
          It has affected us also because of finances. It is becoming very difficult for me to work now due to IC, IBS, and fibromyalgia. I would like to work part time or even try to get medical disability but my husband will not hear of it.
          I am getting the interstim done and researching all sorts of solutions while on a medical leave just to try to get myself well enough to return to work full time as soon as I can. Again he fusses and it creates tension but he has never left.
          Pray about your future with your boyfriend and pray with him. Communicate! and I pray that God will be your guide.
          Georgia
          Faith is not believing God can; Faith is believing God will!

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          • #20
            Originally posted by tigger_gal
            absolutely.. I use to feel like this all the time... I hate to admit this, but, now I just don't care.. If he can't support me then he should go. It dose not mean that I don't love him, just the simple fact that I will be able to go on with out him...
            sending you hugs....
            This is basically where I'm at. He tries to throw in all the old mind games that used to get me and make me feel insecure and I just tell him he has more than one option. Use them.
            http://www.TheCraftyEwe.etsy.com

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            • #21
              Well I'm currently single and have been for 4years. I dont think any man would accept me because of my IC problems. I havent done anything sexually because I'm afraid I will be in pain. I dont think any man would want to marry me with my bladder issues.
              In memory of my beloved best friend in the whole world! Timmy (West Highland White Terrier)
              11/24/04-9/5/2011


              God Bless,

              Anna

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              • #22
                Kathryn,
                I do work full time with the IC. I am end stage with Hunners and a waking bladder capacity of 90cc. I also have a urethra that is non functional. My current position is Director of Nurses for a Home Health Agency. It is my first experience in home care, but is a nice way to culminate all of the specialties I have experienced and to share my varied knowledge with others.

                Hugs,
                Barb
                (Babs passed away in April 2009. We honor her memory and remember her fondly. - Jill O. ICN President & Founder)

                [SIZE="1"]Proud mama of a gift named Lindsey who taught me through her autism what is important in life:angel:
                :angel: IC Angel Volunteer Coordinator :angel:
                :) Contact me via PM or e-mail if you would like to help
                I have learned all about life in 3 words: It goes on! :D--Robert Frost
                PCOS 7/85
                RSD 7/94 :headbang:
                Endometriosis 9/98 :toilet:
                Antiphospholipid antibody syndrome 9/99
                Kidney stones--too many to count
                Factor V Leiden mutation 10/02
                IC 6/03 :evilsmile
                Deep Venous Thrombosis and Cellulitis 12/05 :loco: DVT and Greenfield Placed 3/14/08
                "Spirit is an invisible force made visible in all of life"--Maya Angelou
                "Ohana means family--no one gets left behind or forgotten." Stitch[/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE]

                Comment


                • #23
                  luvsterriers,
                  Please don't feel this way!!! When you meet the right man, your bladder conditions won't matter! And, you don't know what HE might have going on in his life or with his health. Just allow yourself to be open to the possibility of meeting someone. You don't have to go out looking for it, but if the opportunity presents itself, just let things play out on their own...don't be so sure that "any man won't want you." I just don't think that's true. Many of us are in healthy successful relationships, and many of us were diagnosed with IC at a very young age...meaning that our relationships may have come after IC.

                  ~Claudia

                  "A heart is not judged by how much you love; but by how much you are loved by others."
                  ~ The Wizard of Oz

                  "If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own
                  back yard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with!" ~ Dorothy


                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Hi,

                    I feel the same way too. I am not the same person I was four years ago. I know my husband loves me and will stick by me but I still feel very insecure.

                    I have lost alot of confidence because of ic. I am not the same bubble person anymore.
                    Formerly lorenab

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Guys,

                      Yes I recently felt that because of all this my wonderful husband of six months would leave me, but he keeps reassuring me that he won't. I, too, like most of us have experienced low self-esteem and low self-worth (that's what I'd call it) because most of us were once really active and now IC has taken over our once-active lives and made us different. The one issue that my husband gets upset over is my use of pain killers because until speaking to someone on this board, he did not understand that IC pain is so different from non-chronic (say, headaches, soreness pain etc.). But, I think he understands and is much more compassionate now...(as if he has not been compassionate enough). The GREAT thing about all this is not to give up because if you have someone and they leave you in while you are in the middle of IC, one must look at what other issues were causing other problems. My husband told me when he stood at the altar and said for better or for worse, in sickness and health, till death do us part that he meant it and it was hurtful for me to keep asking him if he was going to get tired of this one day and leave me, wanted a divorce, etc. So, through much self-reflection and prayer, I have decided that I, as well as anyone with a chronic illness, still deserves to be happy. So..that is my suggestion to anyone who worries about being "abnormal" or "unwanted." We have all felt this way at some point during our illnesses, but we must struggle to realize that our self-worth is as good as anyone else. In fact, we, most of the time, I would say are MORE compassionate and understanding people because of it!
                      Diagnosed in 2007, but had IC symptoms since 2002. My current regimen includes: home instillations of Marcaine, Heparin and Solu-Medrol plus vaginal valium suppositories nightly. I also use Tramadol for pain as needed.

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