Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

does anyone ever worry and get paranoid their partners with leave them???

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • aprilchen
    replied
    Guys,

    Yes I recently felt that because of all this my wonderful husband of six months would leave me, but he keeps reassuring me that he won't. I, too, like most of us have experienced low self-esteem and low self-worth (that's what I'd call it) because most of us were once really active and now IC has taken over our once-active lives and made us different. The one issue that my husband gets upset over is my use of pain killers because until speaking to someone on this board, he did not understand that IC pain is so different from non-chronic (say, headaches, soreness pain etc.). But, I think he understands and is much more compassionate now...(as if he has not been compassionate enough). The GREAT thing about all this is not to give up because if you have someone and they leave you in while you are in the middle of IC, one must look at what other issues were causing other problems. My husband told me when he stood at the altar and said for better or for worse, in sickness and health, till death do us part that he meant it and it was hurtful for me to keep asking him if he was going to get tired of this one day and leave me, wanted a divorce, etc. So, through much self-reflection and prayer, I have decided that I, as well as anyone with a chronic illness, still deserves to be happy. So..that is my suggestion to anyone who worries about being "abnormal" or "unwanted." We have all felt this way at some point during our illnesses, but we must struggle to realize that our self-worth is as good as anyone else. In fact, we, most of the time, I would say are MORE compassionate and understanding people because of it!

    Leave a comment:


  • Smokey
    replied
    Hi,

    I feel the same way too. I am not the same person I was four years ago. I know my husband loves me and will stick by me but I still feel very insecure.

    I have lost alot of confidence because of ic. I am not the same bubble person anymore.

    Leave a comment:


  • topcop229
    replied
    luvsterriers,
    Please don't feel this way!!! When you meet the right man, your bladder conditions won't matter! And, you don't know what HE might have going on in his life or with his health. Just allow yourself to be open to the possibility of meeting someone. You don't have to go out looking for it, but if the opportunity presents itself, just let things play out on their own...don't be so sure that "any man won't want you." I just don't think that's true. Many of us are in healthy successful relationships, and many of us were diagnosed with IC at a very young age...meaning that our relationships may have come after IC.

    Leave a comment:


  • Babs RN
    replied
    Kathryn,
    I do work full time with the IC. I am end stage with Hunners and a waking bladder capacity of 90cc. I also have a urethra that is non functional. My current position is Director of Nurses for a Home Health Agency. It is my first experience in home care, but is a nice way to culminate all of the specialties I have experienced and to share my varied knowledge with others.

    Hugs,
    Barb

    Leave a comment:


  • luvsterriers
    replied
    Well I'm currently single and have been for 4years. I dont think any man would accept me because of my IC problems. I havent done anything sexually because I'm afraid I will be in pain. I dont think any man would want to marry me with my bladder issues.

    Leave a comment:


  • Moonheart
    replied
    Originally posted by tigger_gal
    absolutely.. I use to feel like this all the time... I hate to admit this, but, now I just don't care.. If he can't support me then he should go. It dose not mean that I don't love him, just the simple fact that I will be able to go on with out him...
    sending you hugs....
    This is basically where I'm at. He tries to throw in all the old mind games that used to get me and make me feel insecure and I just tell him he has more than one option. Use them.

    Leave a comment:


  • Georgia L
    replied
    Hi, Just like the others... no you are not alone and it helps me to know that I am not alone.
    Like another post mentioned... my husband knew I had some health problems when we met (high school sweethearts) but neither of us ever knew it would turn so bad so fast. We spent our one month married anniversary in the hospital, I had my first surgery to remove ovarian cysts and endo. Then we spent our one year anniversary in the hospital with my stomach problems... equalling gall stones, IBS, and hiatial hernia with GERD.
    It has been most hard on us in two ways.
    As others have said... and most every woman knows... men are very sexual and it is very difficult to have wild sex when your insides feel bruised and on fire... from female issues to IC our sex life has been affected. My husband has been frustrated but never has left or cheated because of it.
    It has affected us also because of finances. It is becoming very difficult for me to work now due to IC, IBS, and fibromyalgia. I would like to work part time or even try to get medical disability but my husband will not hear of it.
    I am getting the interstim done and researching all sorts of solutions while on a medical leave just to try to get myself well enough to return to work full time as soon as I can. Again he fusses and it creates tension but he has never left.
    Pray about your future with your boyfriend and pray with him. Communicate! and I pray that God will be your guide.
    Georgia

    Leave a comment:


  • KathrynPInk
    replied
    Hey Barb,

    What a kind message. It mans a lot to all of us to be understood; doesn't it? Are you able to work full time with your IC? I was thinking of you and your caretaking of others. Amazing! And let's face it; it is good to have a loving partner to come home to....but sometimes we have to rely on the love of our friends and be thankful for them ....and ****** we are ICers.. take care girl.
    I am so glad I found this network.

    Love,
    Katheryn

    Leave a comment:


  • Babs RN
    replied
    I know how real the fear is of losing a partner. I lost mine(he decided to end the marriage in May 06)because of the chronic illness and alot of other things that trickled down. Please don't let that scare you. I am now nearing the other side and see red flags that should have tipped me off along time ago. We were together nearly 14 years total and when the illnesses started there were undeniable things that happened that should have clued me in. If he is still by you, he is in for the long haul. Your chap sounds wonderful. I hope your IC cuts you a break soon, and many prayers for a long, healthy life together for you both.

    Hugs,
    Barb

    Leave a comment:


  • KathrynPInk
    replied
    I too, worry

    I am so sorry that on top of IC, you have to deal with this issue of worry. I am in the same situation and fear that I am not the woman I was, or had dreamed of being. I try to stay "looking fit" and try to concentrate on the good in my relationship, but it is on the back of my mind at times that I will be left by this sweet, good man. I know it is not impossible, but we have to believe that they love us in spite, and we are more than just the sexual part that IC can steal at times. I think it is very normal and universal to have these fears, even if they ar just that: Fears.

    Take care,
    Katheryn

    Leave a comment:


  • steph4308
    replied
    I feel like that a lot. My husband's main love language is touch which I really don't care to be (anywhere from my neck down) when I'm in pain. He is usually supportive but every now and then he sneaks in something like "I hear sex is good for pain" and I'm turned off completely. It makes me feel like I'm some sort of a prude. I do feel guilty and that he might be thinking of what life would have been like with someone else. But, since I didn't choose this I have to have faith in our vow--in sickness or in health, then try to be as pleasant as I can.

    Leave a comment:


  • topcop229
    replied
    You are obviously so caring and have a huge heart if your first concern is for your husband to be with someone 'normal.' He obviously loves you, and my husband always tells me, you never know what will happen in the future. There may come a time that your husband is ill or needs surgery or something, and you will be there to take care of him. He is probably your own personal IC angel sent to help you through this disease. Try not to be depressed at how IC has changed your life (I know, easier said than done). Instead, try to be happy at how IC has proven how unshakable your marriage is and how much your hubby loves you!

    Leave a comment:


  • Paininthe*.*
    replied
    To be honest, it's the hardest part of this disease for me...knowing my husband has worked so hard all is life. Now that he's close to retiring, he's stuck with me being sick. This is NOT the life we dreamed of having, and I feel SOOO guilty. I push myself to try to appear "normal" for him....he deserves it. But times like this week, when I've been flairing for days for no obvious reason, I get very depressed and sometimes think he would be better off if I left so he could enjoy life with someone "normal". I'm crying now just thinking of how much this disease has changed my life........

    Leave a comment:


  • topcop229
    replied
    You are certainly not alone! I feel this way as well. I was diagnosed with IC two weeks before my wedding. I already had endometriosis, but it didn't affect my day-to-day life, and at first, IC didn't either. Then, almost all of the sudden, I was stuck in bed, in pain, unable to have sex, unable to work, etc.
    My hubby has stuck by me every step of the way and says he will never leave my side, but I think it's natural to worry that our partners may just get fed up and leave. I just try to remember that he does love me, he takes great care of me, and I also try to remember that IC does not only affect me, but it does affect him as well. I try and remember that when I am complaining about not feeling well or something. This life certainly isn't the one he asked for, and I try to keep that in mind...we are not the only ones suffering, but our partners are suffering too and I think it's important that we always acknowledge that.
    I have known people whose spouse left them at the first sign of IC...and like someone else said, if a person does that, then it wasn't really true love to begin with and you are better off without such a person!!!

    Leave a comment:


  • janelle77362
    replied
    I feel this way too. I sometimes get scared too that he will cheat on me because we can't be as intimate as we both like. But I agree with Robin. If he is that self-absorbed than he doesn't deserve you anyways.

    Leave a comment:

Working...
X