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Cannot take it anymore!

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  • Cannot take it anymore!

    I am probably a drag to even listen to. I feel like a miserable chronic complainer. I am! You probably do not want to hear my complaints because everyone has their own problems but maybe I will feel better writing this! I cannot even stand myself right now! I am miserable and everyday that goes by is the same! I am in constant pain and it is ruining my life! Norco does nothing for me anymore maybe I have a tolerance to it now I do not know! I feel like I am bringing everybody else around me down. My kids must be tired of a mother that is miserable and sick all of the time. My husband probably secretly is tired of being with someone in my condition. I feel like my friends are tired of having a sick friend. I feel like if I tell the Pain Management dr the truth how my pain is not managed great with the Norco that she will take away my meds and question whether or not I need them. I feel that way because I was made to feel like a drugseeker by other drs in the past. I am not living. I am sitting in the same spot for the past few days because it hurts more with any movement. I am not working because I cannot anymore. Money is tight because I am not working. My urologist can do weekly instillations but that is $40 to him a week. I need Elmiron which is almost $80 a month with the insurance. I have to pay pain management copay is $40. Rheumatologist $40. I know I need a psychiatrist but another $40 a week. on top of that my son is on 4 asthma meds a month for severe asthma so his needs come before mine and he needs to breathe so the Elmiron is out and so is the installations and therapist which I know that I need. My husband is not their father but he basically supports them anyway(ex is a deadbeat and owes $68,000. in arrears for child support) but why should he foot the bill for everything? It is not fair! I do not know what to do. I am suffering and I want to pull the phone out of the wall but I cannot in case the school calls about my son having an asthma attack.I do not feel like talking to anyone because I have nothing positive to say. My blinds are shut. I do not want to get dressed. I am not eating that much but I am fatter than ever from lack of movement and exercise in months.I went from 110-115 lbs to 150 lbs quickly!I hate myself! In the beginning the pain meds would wipe away most of the pain and I was functional I worked got my house clean, errands, whatever needed to be done. When they wore off i felt the pain again but it was time for my next dose. Now I take my meds wait and wait and look at the clock no relief at all!It is not even close to time for my next dose and I am in excruciating pain! My other son is home sick so I cannot go to the Dr. Should I do what I am not supposed to do. Double up on the Norco to have a little relief for today and risk having more of a tolerance? And also running out of pills sooner? I do not know how those of you who are denied pain relief goes about your day suffering(I did at one point for a long time) because I would not be able to handle it not having anything for pain at this point. I would not be writing this right now. I am living because I have to for my kids. I would never take my life because of my kids. But if I did not have them I would not have anything stopping me. I cannot imagine the rest of my life like this! My life is passing me by I feel like. I know that I should be appreciative of all the little things and also the people in my life but right now I cannot bring myself to be happy when I am in agony suffering and feel like there is no hope or solution to the problem. I spent thousands last year on co-payments for Drs and meds and I do not have the $ I need to do something to fix this problem or get it under control. I am terrified to ask my PM Dr for stronger or longer lasting meds. When I told her in tears last time that the norco did not last long enough she gave me ultram to take in between 2 X a day. Ultram is not cutting it for severe pain and the norco only lasts 3 hours usually and right now it lasts 0 hours because it is ineffective. How do I approach her about this? I think I am her only patient that she treats for "pelvic pain" as they put it. I was sent to her(by uro) only because they were doing a study on pelvic pain. The patients I see in the waiting room mostly are cancer patients and people with back problems. If you read this long post thanks! I know that I am having a pity party and feeling sorry for myself but I cannot help it! I hope the rest of you are having a pain free and happy day!

    Migraines since 1986
    Diagnosed w/ Lymes 1997
    Epstein Barr 1998
    Bulging discs in neck and back 1999 which feels like they are herniating now!Pain radiating down legs to feet but I cannot deal with that now.
    IBS 2002
    Endometriosis 2006
    Pelvic Floor Dysfunction 2006
    Vulvodynia 2006
    Constant Kidney stones and bladder/kidney infections for 11 years!
    Was given "sort of a diagnosis in 2002 for IC" but never was told until recently that definitely was the problem until now 2007(because it takes several years supposively to rule everything else out I was told)! They had me down as "Pelvic Pain Syndrome" all this time but said it had to be IC and treated me for IC
    Heart murmur worse now because of palpitations but that is another bill so forget about the cardiologist!

    Was given Norco 4x a day as needed, Ultram 2X a day as needed, Klonopin 1 X before bed or 1/2 in Am and 1/2 in PM whichever works better. But morning after Klonopin I have a major migraine. Now needing migraine meds but Fioricet makes the frequency worse, Relpax does not work, and Imitrex does not work. So I am not taking Klonopin right now. And Ultram makes my migraines worse.Pyridium used to help with flares but now hurts my kidneys so that is out!
    Last edited by Jessica12974; 02-28-2007, 02:44 AM.

  • #2
    It sounds like you are feeling down right now. I do have a few suggestions: First of all, you might check to see if there is a Family Service Agency in your area --- they provide counseling on a sliding pay scale and would very likely work with you very inexpensively. Most hospitals have a social services department and can help with finding either free or inexpensive counseling. And check with your doctor about getting Elmiron through the company's program to help people who can't afford to take it.

    And by all means be honest with your pain management doctor. She can't help you if you don't tell her what you're doing isn't working. The fact that she ordered the tramadol for you is a pretty good indication that she's trying to help.

    Now I suggest you go open those blinds and at least look out a window. It's not good for you to sit in a darkened room.

    Sending gentle hugs,
    Stay safe

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    I am not a medical authority nor do I offer medical advice. In all cases, I strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.

    Anyone who says something is foolproof hasn't met a determined fool


    • #3
      I agree with Donna that you need to be honest with your pain mgmt doctor. I know how it feels, I always felt the same way but I have worked really hard to get past that. My pain doc tells me he wants to know if something isnt working because if he doesnt know, he cant fix it.
      Many IC patients need to go on long acting narcotics after a period of taking short acting narcotics. I know I got to the point where I was on the max dose of percocet, 12 a day!, and they werent doing anything for me. I personally wouldnt double up on the dose unless you absolutely have to because we all know how awful those last days of the month would be if you had no pain meds at all.
      As for the med costs, have you looked in to the prescription assistance? I know many people use this and it can help a lot. Sometimes you have to spend quite a bit of time looking up all the different ones but it could really be worth it. I would also maybe look in to some kind of assistance since you arent able to work outside the home anymore.
      You can come and complain to me anytime. Feel free to PM me if you need to , okay? I have been through the wringer with my pain and meds too and I know how hard this can be. You will be in my thoughts.
      Love Sarah
      Current meds; , effexor 37.5 mg 2 times a day, and lyrica 100 mg 3 times a day, lots of reading and snuggling with the pets!


      • #4
        I know where you are coming from. I too hate myself, feel like all I ever do anymore is complain and I can't enjoy life at all. I really doubt anyone even cares about me. THink if it wasn't for having to go to the doc once a week I probably wouldn't even bother to take a bath. Not going anywhere so who will know? I don't know what to tell you and can not give you any advice since I can't seem to get out of this "he** hole" either. Donna and Sarah do have some good suggestions. Hope you get to feeling a little bit upper. Hang in there.


        • #5
          I know how you feel, Sending you hugs and prayers.
          "Never Give Up."

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          • #6
            Hugs going out to you (((((((Jessica))))))))) and (((((((waterflow))))))))))

            I am sorry you are feeling so down Jessica... It really sounds like you have sunk into a deep depression..Have you ever thought ablut taking anything like Elavil, or Cymbalta? I was giving that for nerve pain, because pain meds do not help me with that.. The pain meds only help with bladder pain..Those meds also has help me alot with my depression, I was about where you are at, until I started taking them..Even though I still get a little depressed some days, I am able to pull myself out of it, before I would just sit and cry...

            I urge you to talk to your doctor about the way you feel, They have things out there that will help...
            But in the mean tiime I will be praying for you

            ONE Second, ONE Bite, ONE Breath, ONE Pill, ONE Minute, ONE Teardrop, ONE Hour, ONE Sip.. ONE DAY! I will Prevail from this disease! IC Hoping for a Cure!

            Link to Patient Handbook:

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            Meds For IC: Lyrica-25mg Glucosamine-500 MSM-500mg, Prosed Ds -When Flaring

            Other Meds: Levlite- Continious Birtcontrol, Micardis-40mg for High Blood Pressure

            Meds I have Tried:
            Topamax,Tofranil, Elmiron, Atarax, Cymbalta, Elavil, Enablex, Detral La, Prydium.
            Lexapro< Bad reaction to this med!
            Intstills, could not continue them due to some kind of reaction after 3rd instill. Tasted the lidocaine in my mouth, tongue and lips went numb then went into what seemed like a panic attack. Shaking, racing heart, tingling face/head, blood pressure shot up..

            Dx With IC in Nov 2006 with Hydro/Cysto
            Hydro/Cysto Caused Bladder to Rupture.

            Other Dxs-Vulvodynia,Fibro, Endo, IBS, HPV, Migraines, Spastic Colon, Mild Dysplasia.

            ICN Volunteers are not medical authorities nor do we offer medical advice. In all cases, we strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.


            • #7
              Jessica and Waterflow, I think maybe some of the expression,"I hate myself" is because you have no control of what is happening to you. I know the last two days I have been really hurting and pressure seems unbearable, and I used the statement I hate myself. My husband and I had made some plans because he is off of work and low behold, I get miserable pains. Been stuck in the house and I hate it.

              But the hope is that it will pass and if it don't then I need to go to the doctor and see what else can be done. And I hope Jessica and Waterflow if it don't pass for you, I hope you will see the doctor too.

              Jessica, I hope you can get some help with paying for the RX and doctors. Waterflow, sometimes I don't know the words to say to help you, but I just want you to know I do care.

              Sending hugs, Trishann


              • #8
                I feel exactly the same as Jessica. I don't even want to tell my friends about IC, because I am so tired of trying to explain what the hell it is, when doctor's don't even know!


                • #9
                  Feeling better today!

                  Thanks everyone for all your kind words and support! It is what gets me through these difficult days! I will take all of your advice! I really appreciate it! Thank god today is better! I am still in pain but it is a little more bearable. It is when the pain is at its worst that I get into very depressive moods. I know that I need an antidepressant but if I can only find one that I can tolerate. Zoloft worked great and I took it for 3 years but I put on 30 lbs.When I went off of it I lost all of the the weight I gained.Unfortunitely now my weight is 40 lbs more now because of lack of movement and not exercising that zoloft is the last thing that I want to take. I have tried Elavil,Serzone, Paxil, Lexapro, and Cymbalta and they did not agree with me.They either made me too sleepy and drawn out or anxious ,paranoid,I did not want to answer my phone or talk to anyone. And they made me even more depressed. I am very sensitive to these types of meds. I have never tried Prozac yet. I have not heard anything negative about it and I am willing to try it. I am going to ask my Dr. Has anyone tried Prozac? And how did it work for you? I am wishing everyone a happy and pain free day! Thanks again!


                  • #10
                    Jessica I am glad that you are feeling alittle better today. I hope one of those medicine can help you. Pain can really do a number on you especially if it causes lack of sleep. I am just happy to hear you are feeling better.

                    Sending hugs, Trishann


                    • #11
                      Jessica, glad to hear you are feeling better. I do think the really bad pain days make it harder to deal with but I am glad you made it through. I was told Zoloft took weight off and they even used it as a diet pill. I kept gaining weight while on that too.

                      Trishann, there really is nothing anyone can say to help me mind wise. I have come to terms with that. Things happened, I can not forget or get over them. All I can do is go on the best way I can. I do believe the Wellbutrin has finally kicked in enough so I am no longer a nervous wreck. I can sit, watch tv if need be, or get up and get some organized cleaning done.