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My fiance has left me because I am sick! Please give me words of comfort!

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  • My fiance has left me because I am sick! Please give me words of comfort!

    Please help me understand. i have been in a deep flare, but was coming out of it a bit. My guy who I had been seeing since the break up with my husband, has decided he wants to end it. I am in a panic. What do I do? I need friends and I am all alone.
    Please, Please, have any of you been dropped because of IC mostly? When I was not flaring, he was on top of the world, then he walked in yesterday and said "we are over", that he was tired of me not being able to go lots of places (he loves to go go go).
    Frankly, I am afraid of being alone and sad. My heart is broken and I am sitting here typing and crying.

    Thank you for any kind words,
    Katheryn

  • #2
    I know that right now you are upset because he's gone, but if you really think about it, you are also fortunate that he's gone --- he sounds like he's not capable of real love. Somewhere out there is someone who will love you for yourself, through thick and thin, in sickness and good health.
    It's pretty obvious this guy wasn't "it" .....

    Sending gentle hugs,
    Donna

    P.S. I fall in love with your doggie's face every time I look at one of your posts. What an adorable face! That expression is priceless.
    Stay safe


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    I am not a medical authority nor do I offer medical advice. In all cases, I strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.
    [3MG]

    Anyone who says something is foolproof hasn't met a determined fool

    Comment


    • #3
      I agree 100% with Donna, that guy was a loser - when you are with a partner, you want that parter to support you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. He didn't want to do that, so good riddance to him!

      I know it hurts so much right now. Do you have any family you can call and visit with, or any friends or anything? It might be best right now to not spend too much time alone. Sometimes we just have to cry it all out and then we feel a little better, though.

      I hope you feel better soon. My Godmother always said, when a door closes, a window opens. Now you are free to find a man who will be there for you even when you are sick!

      Blessings and hugs,
      Lori

      Comment


      • #4
        Katherine,

        My heart is breaking for you right now. We are all your friends, and we all care. Its the most terrible thing in the world to lose the person you love, and we all know you can't chose who you love. The only thing I can really reccomend is giving it time. Try and keep yourself busy as possible. Donna is right, although I know thats not what you want to hear. If a man leaves you simply because you are ill,he is no man at all. He is a coward. You will find the most loving, sympothitic, and caring man. Im sure of it. Keep you chin up, and be happy you found out now before you went through the marriage. We are all here for you!

        Erika
        IC diagnosed officially via cysto/urodynamics 1/26/07

        Grade II Endometriosis diagnosed via lap 12/11/07

        "Fall down seven times, Stand up eight."

        "Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think."

        Current Treatments:
        Interstim Since 5/25/07!
        Birth Control

        Comment


        • #5
          I too wish I had some words to help, it's such a rotten situation for you to be in! If he doesn't realize the error of his ways - I am sure what goes around comes around will get him someday. He'd better hope he's not ever sick and needing a shoulder to lean on or a person to help him through.

          I know it probably sounds like everyone is saying not exactly what you might want to hear - but we happen to have a very high opinion of you and think you deserve the best - the best man for you who will love regardless of what you may have to deal with physically, that breaks my heart to think someone could be so cold to just up and leave the person they pledged to marry. I thought I was going to start crying right with you - it's so hurtful.

          And everyone here is your friend, so no worries there!!!!! You cry, vent whatever you have to do and we all get it!

          HUGS!!!!

          P.S. I'm with Donna, your dog's face is just too adorable and the expression is precious!!!
          Hugs,
          Tracey
          How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time...

          Harry arrived 2/23/09!



          *IC Volunteers are not medical authorities nor do we offer medical advice. In all cases, we strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.

          IC Diet Cheat Sheet:
          http://www.ic-network.com/diet/2009icdietlist.pdf



          Dx's:
          IC dx'd Nov 2004
          Lymphocytic Colitis dx'd July 2005
          Possible IBS
          Current IC Meds
          Vistaril 25mg in the evening
          Previous IC Meds taken:
          Cystoprotek - 2 caps 2x's a day
          Elmiron, 100mg 3x's a day
          Ditropan, 5 mg 3x's a day
          Others:
          Wellbutrin 150mg 2x's a day for Anxiety/IBS
          Pepcid 40mg a day for GERD
          Zytrec for Nasal Allergies
          Align Probiotic daily for IBS

          Comment


          • #6
            I know it's a trite saying, but time heals all wounds -- Erika is so right when she says to keep yourself as busy as possible and to allow time to pass. When you are busy, you will not be sitting and dwelling on what has happened. Even if you are home, try to lose yourself in a good book or movie!

            Allow yourself only, say, 30 minutes a day to think about the breakup -- obviously you are going to, because you loved this man, but limit the time you dwell on it. In that 30 minutes allow yourself to feel all the emotions you are going through right now so you can let them out -- perhaps even write them down. Many therapists, including mine, say that writing things down is a great way to get them out of you -- once they are on paper they have a way of disappearing from your mind faster.

            I am so sorry this has happened -- unfortunately this is not the first time I've heard a story like this on the boards and it makes me so angry and sad that there are people out there who can be so unkind. Lori's right, this guy was a loser with a capital L, and it sounds like being rid of him is the best in the long run. If he can't understand even a little bit about your IC then he will never be a good partner -- you would have ended up feeling alone even when you were with him, and that, to me, is even worse than being alone with yourself.
            ****
            Jen

            *Diagnosed with severe IC in 2004
            *Also diagnosed with PFD, fibromyalgia, chronic myofascial pain, IBS, migraines, allergies/asthma, dermatographism
            *Kept trying a million different treatments for all these things until I found what works, and I am doing okay these days with the help of a cocktail of medications and the InterStim, which was first placed in 2007. [I have had 2 revisions - one in 2010 when my battery died and had to be replaced, and one complete replacement (lead and generator) in 2012 after a fall on my stairs caused my lead to move.]
            *Current meds include Atarax (50mg at night), Lyrica (150mg twice a day), Xanax (0.5mg at night and as needed), Zanaflex (4mg at night), hydrocodone (10/325, every 6 hours as needed), Advair, Nasonex, Singulair (10mg at night), oral contraceptives, home instills containing Elmiron and Marcaine (as often as I need to do them).

            **I am not a medical authority nor do I offer definitive medical advice. I strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.

            Comment


            • #7
              Katheryn

              Dear Katheryn,

              I will say that we are all here for you no matter who you are with! I am so sorry to hear the pain you are feeling. Any man that doesn't want to be with the wonderful caring person that you are should take a hike! You don't have to go go go to love someone. Katheryn, you have so much wisdom, warmth, and compassion to give and you only deserve the best back.

              I'm thinking of you! We are always here for you.

              Love and Hugs!

              Kara
              Complex Case: Severe IC 1999, Interstim 2001, Endometriosis 2001, End Stage Refractory IC 2002, Bladder Removal (Cystectomy) 2002, Gall Bladder Removal 2005, Infertility 2003, Urethra Removal, Bladder Reconstruction (Urethrectomy/Indiana Pouch) 2006, Celiac Disease 2007, Adhesion Disease 2007, Pudendal Nerve Entrapment, Ovarian Cysts, Vestibulitis, Vulvodynia, Total Vestibulectomy and removal of both Skene's Glands, 2007 and Coccydynia 2007. Fibromyalgia and, Chronic Myofascial Pain Syndrome both in my neck and knees, 2007, PNE Decompression Operation May, 2009.Multiple Chemical Sensitivities, Anesthesia Awareness (to awaken during operations)Pudendal Nerve Decompression Surgery, Revrse Uterine Sling, Sept. 2011

              "One hour at a time, this was NOT my American Dream but it has to work out somehow."

              I also have some journals of my journeys, past and some present at:
              http://karasnewblog2008.blogspot.com/ and http://icnkaralynn.blogspot.com/

              Most of my Journaling now is currently on Facebook. These are old and my ICN Patient story is very old and outdated.

              Comment


              • #8
                Oh, I was so sad reading your post. I'm sorry he said that and isn't willing to stick it out with you. I agree it is better to know now that he can't do the long haul and stick it out during the bumpy times, but that doesn't really make it hurt much less, does it?

                I think the suggestions to surround yourself with friends and family are so good. The feelings can get too overwhelming if we are alone too much after something like that. Pamper yourself and be good to yourself and hang in there.
                Kim

                Diagnosed August 2001

                Current IC meds: Elmiron (since 2001), Levaquin (one pill after intercourse to prevent UTIs), Effexor (for depression & anxiety)


                Past IC meds: Amitriptyline (Elavil), Hydroxyzine (Vistaril), Detrol LA, Lexapro (for depression & anxiety, but also helped my IC) (They all helped, but I was able to discontinue them.)

                I've been virtually symptom free and able to eat & drink whatever I'd like for about 8 years now.

                *****************************

                “We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.” ~ Viktor Frankl

                “You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.” ~ Brian Tracy

                Comment


                • #9
                  Thank you all so very much. This is hope to me. I am so thankful I found such sweet brave friends. I am sorry to complain and you guys are so understanding of what I am going through.
                  I am going to be ok...I am. I am.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    HI! I too am sorry for your loss. It's difficult when a relationship ends.....no matter what the reason.
                    I can relate to your loss though. My first husband (of almost 17 very long years!) was very unsympathetic to my ic problems. Back then there wasn't Elmiron or other pain meds that really worked so I was in pain a lot. After our divorce it was difficult being a single parent to a teenage son. BUT.......I met a new man.....and he's FANTASTIC! He's sat with me through SO many medical procedures and surgeries in the 4 yrs we have been together and is SO understanding and accepting of my health problems. I know in time you will find someone who is supportive of you and your health issues too. There's lots of great guys out there looking for a great woman......just give it sometime.....and like the others have said......stay busy. Don't dwell on this and get on with your life. When you need someone to talk to......we all are here! Take care! Roxie

                    Double Spinal Cord Stimulator surgery 8/09
                    Unsuccessful MiniArc sling surgery 12/07
                    Dx'd Hypothyroid
                    Dx'd Chronic Axonal Neuropathy & Myopathy
                    June 2007
                    Dx'd IC May 2006 (after suffering for 25+ yrs!)
                    First Cysto 1979
                    First Hydro 1981 (Many treatments since then!)
                    Collagin"Durasphere" injections for urethra
                    Gall bladder surgery Aug. 2004
                    Gastric Bypass Dec. 2004
                    Dx'd: Barrett's Esphogus July 2004
                    Dx'd: Vaginal Atrophy 2005
                    Bladder surgery 2000
                    Dx'd: IBS 2000
                    Hysterectomy (fibroids) 1999
                    Laminectomy 1989
                    Dx'd: Degerative Disk Disorder 1989

                    For IC I use Elmiron, Elavil and Freeze dried Aloe Vera (it works likes Elmiron, but naturally)and Azo as needed. I also take Zegerid, Randitine for Barrett's Esophagus. (which causes me to have constant yeast infections!)I take Cymbalta for Neuopathy/Myopathy pain. I use the Climara patch for menopause symptoms. I'm on a very strict diet because of the IC, IBS and Gastric Bypass. I take Primal Defense Probiotics and whole food Iron.
                    I no longer have the awful urethral pain! I've been using MSM gel now for 4 mo. and haven't had a flare up or the urethra pain.....it's amazing stuff!!:woohoo:

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      PLease, don't feel sorry for complaining! You go right ahead and complain if you need to, sometimes it's better to get it all out and have lots of friends back you up! We're on YOUR side girly!!!

                      BIG hugs!!!
                      Hugs,
                      Tracey
                      How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time...

                      Harry arrived 2/23/09!



                      *IC Volunteers are not medical authorities nor do we offer medical advice. In all cases, we strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.

                      IC Diet Cheat Sheet:
                      http://www.ic-network.com/diet/2009icdietlist.pdf



                      Dx's:
                      IC dx'd Nov 2004
                      Lymphocytic Colitis dx'd July 2005
                      Possible IBS
                      Current IC Meds
                      Vistaril 25mg in the evening
                      Previous IC Meds taken:
                      Cystoprotek - 2 caps 2x's a day
                      Elmiron, 100mg 3x's a day
                      Ditropan, 5 mg 3x's a day
                      Others:
                      Wellbutrin 150mg 2x's a day for Anxiety/IBS
                      Pepcid 40mg a day for GERD
                      Zytrec for Nasal Allergies
                      Align Probiotic daily for IBS

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I am so sorry he did this. But, I do agree that what comes around goes around and one day, he will get his. Someday, when he gets old and sick and no one is around for him, he will reflect on you, I am sure of that.

                        For now, I know it is hard and the last thing you want to do is to be around people, but that is truly the best thing for you. I agree that you need to surround yourself with people who care about you. (That includes us!)

                        I wish I could take your pain away. I have had my heart broken too, and it hurt so bad, I still remember the pain, just reading your words. At the time, I would have given anything to have him back, but with time, came clarity and I realized that I truly didnt want someone who was capable of that. It is kind of like that song, "Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers." (It is a country song, if you havent heard it, you should definately google the lyrics.)

                        A few years after my heartbreak, I was out to dinner one night with my new fiance. When I went to the restroom, my ex came up to me. He told me I looked beautiful and he had thought of me often and felt bad for what he had done. He said he never found someone as good as me and asked if I would give him another chance. I used to DREAM of that moment and plan what I'd say, and how I'd stomp on his heart with just as much cruelty as he had mine. But, you know, in that moment, looking at him, and then back at the table at my soon to be husband, all I felt for my ex in that moment was pity. Yes, that's right, pity. I no longer felt the hurt, the love or the hate. At that moment I felt sorry for him because I knew that he had blown a good thing and I knew right then that he knew it too. Just the fact that he knew it and finally realized it was enough for me. So, I told him that I was with someone else now and truly hoped that he found someone as special as I did and wished for him a happy life. And I truly meant it!

                        I know that you will get there too. I pray for your heart to heal soon. You are a very special person and I know that there are lots of people who love you just as you are and there is a man out there who will too.

                        If you need a friend, pm me anytime. I will give you my number. You can call me anytime day or night. I dont want you to think you have to go thru this alone.

                        Sending you hugs,
                        Amy

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          It only takes a second

                          It only takes a split second for Mr. GoGo's life to be altered. He is whining to you about not being able to "do things" which was not only shallow but showed a terrible lack of character. He will not be able to withstand his own lifes traumas any better than he understood yours. It only takes a second for a drunk to run a red light and make someone a lifetime cripple, or to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and have your whole life altered. He will not be able to adjust to anything but good times and good health. We will see how his life fate plays out, as he sure isnt equiped now for the uncertainty we all face and live out our lives with.
                          Best wishes to you honey, he was a louse.
                          Sammi

                          Sammi

                          Meds: Melatonin 3mg @ bedtime if needed. Estrogen 1.5 mg troche and 0.1 mg Estrace cream.
                          Diagnosis: IC, PFD (both in remission)

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Now I am crying with tears of knowing I have met some of the kindest women I have ever known. I wrote this morning because something told me to reach out to you all. I am here alone today and so I am trying to stay busy. Generally I have to work on Saturdays, and I wish now I had put down today on my schedule. I happen to work with families in crisis...but it kind of helps while I am there because I have to think of them and not my heartbreak. I have to admit; I am no good with treating myself!!!! I really need the advice that you all are giving me and the strength is amazing.
                            I want to say, God bless you. Isn't it strange, but I wanted to know that I was not alone. I thank all of you humbly.
                            Love you all~
                            katheryn

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I am so sorry to hear about your fiance - you asked if anyone had been left by their partner because they were ill and I have nearly 10 years ago. I was heart broken at the time but i would never have him back now!! It may be good for you now he is gone - you will be able to heal in your own time and you will not feel under pressure to go go go all the time. It will be a good rest for you. Take time out to love yourself and pamper yourself. I am so sorry to hear you are sad.

                              Comment

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