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Will never get over it

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  • Will never get over it

    My niece came to visit out of the blue. She lives in another state so seldom see her at all. I'm always crying when she leaves. Guess I never got over losing her when she was a baby. I stayed with my sis and her husband for a year while baby sitting her. They got tired of me so I had to tell my niece good-bye. I cried forever it seemed. Thought of her as my own. Got to see her again at age 4. She left I cried again. Saw her again at age 18. She left I cried again. Now I saw her again at age 23 she left I creied again. Doubt she understands why I'm always crying when she leaves but that feeling of losing her will never go away. Stupid really because she is all grown up. She's older now then what I was when I took care of her. Never got over losing my other neice either. Do you ever get over losing them? My sisters wonder why I hate them.

  • #2
    It's okay to cry when a loved one leaves and you know you won't be seeing them again for a long time.

    Sending warm hugs,
    Donna
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    • #3
      Mary,

      I am sorry that you are sad today. I am sure it was very difficult to see her go. And while it is true that you will never get back the time you lost, the good news is that she is grown now and is able to decide for herself who is in her life and the importance of that role.

      Though you may not be able to visit in person for months at a time, now more than ever, it is easier to keep in touch with those we care about that live far away. You can call her frequently, email as often as you like, send letters and suprise packages, etc.

      Since you love to crochet, how about making an afghan for her and sending it to her? You also love baking, so you could send her cookies from time to time.

      The point is that now that she is an adult, you can start building a strong relationship again.

      I have 2 aunts that I am very close to. One lives in Florida and I have only met her once, at my Grandfather's funeral. (She was his sister, so she is actually my Great-aunt.) She never had children and seemed drawn to me somehow at the funeral. I liked her immediately. We now talk on the phone several times a week and send cards and things. She is 86 years old, but WAY more energetic than I am! And I truly enjoy talking to her.

      I have another aunt who lives in Indiana. She was always the favorite aunt growing up, even though all my other aunts lived nearby, and she could only visit once a year or so. But, whenever she came to town, she always made time for us and acted like each one of us were special. I always remembered that. Now, she is older and her own children are grown and dont seem to have time for her. (Boys! Sigh!) Anyway, we talk several times a week too, often every day, and for hours at a time. We talk about everything. There is no subject off limits for us. She is a dear friend and I would do anything for her.

      You can have the same relationship with your neice now that she is grown!

      I do hope you will think about it and make the effort to send her a letter and tell her how much you love her and how you want to be friends with her and have a stronger relationship. The only word of caution, (and it will be hard!), but I am sure you know what I am going to say already.....you will have to make a real effort to not say anything bad about her mother and how she has treated you. Because she loves her mother very much and it would hurt her. I know you already know not to do that, but I am just reminding you, b/c I know the old pain is fresh right now, and I want to remind you that though it is ok to talk about elsewhere, like with us, I know you dont want to turn her against you by telling her how rotten her mom treated you.

      I hope that you feel better and can do something fun to take your mind of off this. (Maybe go to the store and start picking out yarn! )

      Big hugs headed your way,
      Amy

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      • #4
        Amy said it all! Just wanted you to know your in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.

        Erika
        IC diagnosed officially via cysto/urodynamics 1/26/07

        Grade II Endometriosis diagnosed via lap 12/11/07

        "Fall down seven times, Stand up eight."

        "Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think."

        Current Treatments:
        Interstim Since 5/25/07!
        Birth Control

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        • #5
          Thanks Amy, I keep forgetting she is an adult now and can do what she wants. I did try keeping in touch with her when she was young by emailing. Sometimes instant messaging but her mom always told her to get off once she knew it was me. I have never said bad about her mom. Even to my other niece and nephew. Kept my mouth shut because as you said they are their mothers. You know I think I will start crocheting something for her. She said she kept all the crochets dolls I made her. Even the one that went bald because I didn't know how to hook the hair on to stay. Guess I should start looking to the future instead of the past. Glad you had some nice aunts growing up and still now. Funny what things a person will remember from childhood. One thing I forgot too. While she was growing up without me I always said she would come back to me when she hit the adult age. I thought more of 18 years old but 23 isn't that far off. She has no boyfriend yet to get married. She said her mom is pushing her to get married but she wants to finish her college. She is studding to be a veteraniarian. Spelled wrong. She has another 8 years to go. I am very proud of her!! With all she went through growing up. Her mom was my favorite sister too. We were like twins (but almost 2 years apart). never in my wildest dreams would I ahve thought we would be enemies after adulthood.

          Thanks again. It has helped me cheer up about it.

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          • #6
            Glad you are feeling better. If you have a digital camera, you'll have to snap some pics of whatever you decide to make. We'd love to see them!

            Hugs,
            Amy

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            • #7
              I do have a digital camera and I keep forgetting about that. I am still half way in the stone ages yet. You did give me a great idea. Might sound stupid but I am pretty sure some day she will marry and maybe have children. I was thinking I could get a start on making baby cloths, toddlers and on up. Some for boy and girl and some for either. Had a crochet book come in the mail and it had a pattern for a christianing outfit and blanket. That will be a good one to make and the good thing about it. I won't have to crochet under pressure. Can take my time. Thanks again on the idea.

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