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  • IC SARAH-CPP
    replied
    Wow, thank you so much for the post Brittany! That really made my day. I know I have heard lots of parents say they have so doubts about whether they are parenting right but I just didnt know the doubts would be so strong and worriesome!
    I also wanted to clarify that in my post i said I FEEL him at different times but I meant I FEED him at different times! I dont go around feeling him, lol. Not that that is funny really.
    That is an awesome suggestion about the girls and boys club. I am going to have my hubby look in to that right away. You are right, it would be nice for us to have a little breather every once in awhile.I just lined up a tutor for him for the summer and he is going to summer school, so I am hoping that will give him a little boost for next year. I also had a conference with his teacher before I left and she seemed encouraged by the progress he was making. He has moved up one grade level in reading, which is great.
    I do have a kinda general question for all the parents on here? I know this is a hard issue but how do most of you feel about TV watching? I have tried to severely restrict his TV and most of all, his video games but my girlfriend said those things can be helpful if you are careful about what they watch? I know everyone has different opinions but I was just curious about how others felt.
    Leslie and Tigger, thank you so much for the kind words. Like I said, I feel so much better already! I love all you ladies.
    Sarah

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  • tigger_gal
    replied
    Sara,
    sending you really big hugs and lots of good vibes,

    Leave a comment:


  • BrittanysDance
    replied
    Originally posted by IC SARAH-CPP View Post
    Barb, I am SO happy to hear Lindsay is coming HOME to you. Is this a permanent arrangement? I really hope so for your sake.
    I have been thinking about taking classes at the college near Hilo. I loved school and thought it would make me feel better to be doing something. That and I can get out of the house, away from the in-laws! I can imagine you would miss Hawaii, I already miss it when I leave there and I havent lived there long at all.
    I have so much respect for all of you here who have kids. I knew I wasnt ready for children and taking care of my nephew is so hard but also can be rewarding. I just feel so sorry for him. What kind of future can a child like that have. I also just cant believe his mom just DOES NOT care about. My mom would do anything for me, and has, and most other moms I have met are the same way but she just isn't. She doesnt know anything about how he does in school, what he likes/dislikes, or just any of that stuff.
    Thanks for backing me up Sandy. I DO feel mean sometimes but discipline isnt mean! Kids NEED boundaries and rules. I dont believe in being overly strict but come on, doing the dishes 2 times a week is NOT child abuse! I will take your advice about the routine though b/c I often feel him at different times and he will do his schoolwork at different times too. I would love to get him in counseling but so far I havent had any luck. He really is a sweet kid though. He hugs me so tight and tells me he loves me!
    One positive thing is I read to him every night and he has become engrossed in Harry Potter. He begs me to keep reading when I am done. I figure it is a start, right?
    I feel so much better already ladies. You guys mean so much to me and can cheer me up when no one else can! I am crying again, sniff sniff.
    Sarah
    Sarah,

    I just read your post and subsequent posts and although I dont know you because I'm new here I have to tell you that I applaud you in every way. You ask "what kind of future can a child like that have?" Honey - that child can have a BETTER future because YOU are in it - thats what kind of future he can have. He can have ANY future he desires because you are taking the time, love, nurturing, and place of his mother, showing him he is WORTHY of love, compassion, understanding and that he means something to someone.

    You asked what your purpose was, that you felt like you were just "there" - yet you answered your own question sweetie. Your purpose is right in front of you. Had you not moved to Hawaii, that little boy would not have a fighting chance in hell to know what true love and compassion is. Is there a Boys and Girls Club locally that you may be able to enroll him in? Usually they arent very expensive and perhaps that is the best way to get him involved with other children and physically started on a fitness program, as well as introducing him to more positive role models in his life so that he can see he CAN be whatever he wants to be in life? There are people who donate their time once or twice a week who will devote an hour or 2 to him and him alone (become his "big brother") that he can call and meet on designated play days, just like you would meet your best friend for coffee and a chat - he would be able to do that too. Another "father figure" sort of thing. That way you and your husband can catch a little breather too and someone else can sort of fill in and help him to learn different things too, especially respect and responsibility and accountability, but moreso - trust and compassion. Just an idea.

    Keep doing what you're doing and look at your situation from another angle. You're doing a great job and should be commended - I applaud you and your husband! And..agree with the others too -it never hurts to talk to a therapist or counselor either because sometimes, we just need to talk about things to a stranger who is unbiased and doesnt know us - that way we cant be "judged" in any way, shape or form.

    Keep up the great work and feel better soon, you're doing great!

    Brittany
    Last edited by BrittanysDance; 06-15-2007, 03:44 AM.

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  • dancemomof2
    replied
    Sarah,

    Sending you a big hug from the other end of the mild of know where.

    I am by no mean qualified to say your depressed but it seems like you have had a complete world change slap you in the face. I would say in could take some time to adjust to this and I am sure some sad times will be involved. If you ever need anything from one small town mild of know where girl to another let me know.
    Last edited by dancemomof2; 06-15-2007, 08:48 AM.

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  • amartaingirl
    replied
    therapist

    you know..these ladies on here...suggested i see a therapist.

    i thought..a therapist can't help me...the problem is not IN my head
    its in my bladder...

    but i went anyway

    and boy..it really helped!

    and i found it neat to have someone pick at your brain
    and we just talk.
    she determined my mother was the root cause of all my problems..lol
    go figure..
    anyway so..as therapy..i had to write a letter to my mother and get it all out..off my chest, you know...(never mail it of course)...and it really helped.

    evidently, the way we stress out over stupid crap..is not supposed to happen. .so once they figure out the root cause...face it..and move on

    as a skeptic...i can tell you it helped me
    and thank you ladies for suggesting it
    couldnt hurt, right?

    Leave a comment:


  • Kara Isabel
    replied
    Sarah,

    I'm sorry you are feeling a little *blue* lately. I am familiar with that feeling. My first husband was military and we made several moves to different states and I always felt this emptiness and sadness when I left the place I was used to and in a strange town, faced with making new friends, doctors, learning my way around, etc.

    But it DOES get better! I promise! Just give it a little more time and it will feel like home before you know it.

    Big hugs,
    Kara

    Leave a comment:


  • IC SARAH-CPP
    replied
    Barb, I am SO happy to hear Lindsay is coming HOME to you. Is this a permanent arrangement? I really hope so for your sake.
    I have been thinking about taking classes at the college near Hilo. I loved school and thought it would make me feel better to be doing something. That and I can get out of the house, away from the in-laws! I can imagine you would miss Hawaii, I already miss it when I leave there and I havent lived there long at all.
    I have so much respect for all of you here who have kids. I knew I wasnt ready for children and taking care of my nephew is so hard but also can be rewarding. I just feel so sorry for him. What kind of future can a child like that have. I also just cant believe his mom just DOES NOT care about. My mom would do anything for me, and has, and most other moms I have met are the same way but she just isn't. She doesnt know anything about how he does in school, what he likes/dislikes, or just any of that stuff.
    Thanks for backing me up Sandy. I DO feel mean sometimes but discipline isnt mean! Kids NEED boundaries and rules. I dont believe in being overly strict but come on, doing the dishes 2 times a week is NOT child abuse! I will take your advice about the routine though b/c I often feel him at different times and he will do his schoolwork at different times too. I would love to get him in counseling but so far I havent had any luck. He really is a sweet kid though. He hugs me so tight and tells me he loves me!
    One positive thing is I read to him every night and he has become engrossed in Harry Potter. He begs me to keep reading when I am done. I figure it is a start, right?
    I feel so much better already ladies. You guys mean so much to me and can cheer me up when no one else can! I am crying again, sniff sniff.
    Sarah

    Leave a comment:


  • Babs RN
    replied
    Sarah,
    First of all sweetie, we both have been through lots of ups and downs together these past few years. You my dear, are a strong vital person. Take the chance to rest while you are not working and maybe you'll find another life's calling. Who knows? Maybe business is not your life's work and you are destined to do something great. Maybe a class or two at UH Hilo or Hawaii Community College to do something you've never done before. I think you would be great doing something in the healing arts yourself. Really. I'm not blowing aloha up your whoha, I'm serious. Hawaiian culture is so different than the mainland and it takes a while to adjust. About the time I liked living there, we moved. Now I long for it by watching Dog the Bounty Hunter so I can see the places on Oahu I hung out at in high school. Scary, eh? You are a saint for helping with your nephew. I know with Lindsey how important routine is. BTW, don't know if you saw but she is coming back to her Mama next week!

    Please give yourself some time and know I am always here, ok. Hang in there.

    Lots of love,
    Barb

    Leave a comment:


  • Trishann
    replied
    Sarah you have really been through so many changes and that itself can cause stress and depression. People here gave you some good advice and hopefully time will help you through all of these changes.

    I just here to give you a "BIG HUG"
    Hope things start getting less stressful for you, Trishann

    Leave a comment:


  • SandyRN
    replied
    It sounds like a GOOD thing that you are setting boundaries and have expectations of this child. He's got to learn responsibility from somewhere and you'd be remiss if you DIDN'T make him accountable for chores, etc. He has so much to learn. Honestly, he sounds like a very lucky kid to have you in his life.

    If it comes down to it you may want to put him in counselling. I went with my daughter when she was having those "cutting" issues. It helped her so much, and now she's thriving, worrying about which outfit to wear and how her hair should be cut. All the things a girl her age should worry about!

    After all the crap that life has handed this kid, he probably has no idea how to handle someone telling him what to do and when to do it. He's had no stability in his life...and now that he's got it he just doesn't know how to act...but one thing I can tell you for sure is that ALL kids, neglected or not, actually LIKE having chores and routines where they know exactly what is expected of them.

    Routine is the most important thing, at least I think it is....bedtime is the same EVERY night, dinner is served at about the same time, give or take 30 minutes, on this day we do this, on that day we do that, and this is what you can or can NOT get away with while you're living with me.

    I'm kind of rambling but I hope this makes sense. If you've ever got any ?'s pm me...My youngest is a boy and he's 12....so I hope I've got some of my own life experiences that I can share with you if you ever need a shoulder.

    Big hugs, you're doing a good thing!

    Leave a comment:


  • IC SARAH-CPP
    replied
    Thank you sandy. We must have been posting at the same time,loL! YOu are one of the people I look to and admire who doesnt work outside the home. You are lucky you have your kids, they must keep you sooo busy though, lol! Another thing I didnt want to go in to in my post is that we, hubby and I, are now raising his sisters son, since we moved to Hawaii. She hasnt taken care of him since he was 8 months old and he is 10 now. It breaks my heart. She lives only 10 mins away too.
    It is so hard for me b/c I have never had a child before or even taken care of one. And this poor thing has soooo many problems b/c of his neglect. He is 5th grade but reads at a 1st grade level, he can barely do math, and he is about 65 pounds overweight! I have been working so hard with him but everytime I turn around, someone is undermining me with him. They make me feel mean for giving him chores and expecting him to eat heathy food. It has been really hard on me and I dont know what to do. It is so very hard. I envy all you parents out there, it is the hardest thing in life, I think.
    ANyway, I had a great therapist here in CA and now I need to find someone over there but there is such a shortage of doctors I dont know how that will work. I will try though.
    Thank you Sandy. I appreciate your advice and concern.
    Sarah

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  • SandyRN
    replied
    We posted at exactly the same time!

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  • IC SARAH-CPP
    replied
    Charmed, we are actually only about 30 mins from Hilo! That is where we do all our shopping and try to get in to civilation, lol! I can imagine it is expensive to come over with a whole family. The only time to do it is Oct-May, then it gets to be about twice as much.
    Berkshire, I am on Effexor but have to admit that sometimes I dont take it like i should. It is so hard to get through the pharmacy that I sometimes have to go a little while without taking it. It never really did anything for me anyway. I was on celexa before that and it really did nothing.
    I am trying to just hang in there and end up with some pretty good days.
    Thank you all for caring.
    Sarah

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  • SandyRN
    replied
    Sarah, you know I've been following your posts for a long time now, and you deserve some rest...mental and physical. You've had so many ups and downs, its no wonder that you're feeling the way you are right now. Moving, especially to basically a different CONTINENT, is one of life's most challenging, and stressful events. I'd be more worried about you if you didn't have some emotional issues going on right now.

    If it keeps on, even after you're more settled and used to living in Hawaii, then I do think you should see someone. There's no shame in needing someone to talk to. I've been to a therapist several different times in my life, usually concerning my love life. It's a bit strange to begin with, but after a while it feels really good to talk to someone who is on the outside and can see things in a less judgemental way than someone who lives with you or is in your family.

    I think you are a very brave and strong woman who has hit a few bumps in life. You'll come out of this ok, I know you will.

    Have some faith in yourself...it's HARD not working. I struggle with it every single day of my life. I am my own worst enemy because I have a hard time feeling functional and that I do contribute to society in my own way...for me, it's raising 3 wonderful children who I know will be an asset to this world. You have to find what your role is, what makes you feel important, useful, etc.

    You're not crazy...just think back to where you were 6 or 12 months ago and look how far you've come since then. I see you as a strong woman who can handle the worst that life has to offer! You're an inspiration whether you know it or not!

    Hugs, Sandy

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  • charmedx3
    replied
    Hi Sarah, I hope you are feeling a little better. We are all here for each other. Sometimes it helps just to say what you are feeling or put it on paper/email and it helps. If you keep it bottled up inside you it doesn't help you feel any better just worse! Which island are you on? my father in law is in Hilo. We tried to get over there this year but just not able to with work schedules and of course money. Hang in there!

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