So give me steps

[MakinIT]

I haven't done this before (duh) and I'm scared. I'm, for whats left of my sanity and dignity, going to have leave my husband and family. AND, I don't know the first steps and I don't know how to afford...I do know I 'm leaving kids with husband...my youngest and I got into a rip roarer tonight and he didn't even get off the couch of remove his headphones to assist me until she started kicking me and threw something at me. (all this because I said S*** early in the evening when she had a friend over...I had burned my finger on a hot pan and she started yelling at me about swearing and when I took her friend home I stopped the car and told her to never speak to me like that again) Oh, and I had the nerve for the second time in 3 weeks to ask her to clean her room. See, she says "when people nag, I don't want to do it, I'll remember to do it" so laundry piles, her guniea pig cage get filthy...I clean it because the poor little thing t=doiesn't deserve that. So I asked her as well to clean her room and she literally screamed in my face that she didn't want laundry on her desk, to put it on her bed (we've done that twice, it winds up in a dirty heap on the floor) Then she started kicking me and hitting me. My husband was sitting on his ass on the computer, headphones on, just working but he could hear. So I turned her and restrained her like I did my spec ed kids who were emotionally "handicaped". He took her to his classroom. I am so frustrated, have no power with that kid. The older one was great todah. She got up early and actually helped with cleaning from celing to floor allthrough the house.

Wow...I gotta go..I'm hearing wierd noises which means it's time for bed...like it sounds like TV on but not

Take care Oh and i don't hate my husband, it's just not going to work for us anymore. He's a good man but he's a terrible husband.

[GriffsMommy]

Oh Tracy,
I'm so sorry. I have never done anything like this either so I really don't know what to tell you. I guess you need to start to look for a place to stay, wheater that be with a family member or friend or whatever. I guess you need to start getting some money together as well.
I will say that I am so sorry for the way that you are being treated. It is not normal that your husband lets your daughter treat you that way! If my step-son even gets lippy with me hubby will tell him that he will knock his teeth down his throat if he talks to me like that again. If Griffin hits me, mind you he's almost 3, hubby will look at him like he just murdered me and get really mad. That may be a little over the top but it shows that he cares. You're such a great person, I can't believe that your husband and daughter treat you like this. I don't know what else to say except I'll be here if you need to talk.

[ICNDonna]

Step #1: Talk with a professional family counselor. It sounds like you really need some help in dealing with an out-of-control teen. It's no disgrace to need some help occasionally --- parenting doesn't come with an instruction manual.

Warm encouraging hugs,
Donna

[humpieumpumkin]

I am soooooo sorry you are suffering like this. You are making a good decision. I would do what griffs said, find a good place to stay. Stay with someone who you will have fun with, and someone who is kind if at all possible. Start there.

Erika

[kadi]

If things are escalating to physical contact, which it sounds like they are & have been, you are risking a lot to stay in the house -- first injury to yourself (and you are suffering enough with IC, you can't afford anything further), & then accusations of abuse if you defend yourself. You may want to quietly put some small specifically personal things you want to keep & that the family won't notice gone (especially documents & medical records, a few changes of clothing) in the home of a friend, in case you have to leave suddenly. (I have a friend in the midst of a terrible divorce & he is unable to enter his own home unless he takes a police officer with him & his attorney has advised he not even do that.)

The family counselor sounds like a good idea & may provide you some documentation if you are accused of anything. And a confidential visit to an attorney to find out what your rights are wouldn't be a bad idea either. I would not let your family know about the attorney at this point, just get the info & keep it to yourself & your counselor.

As a teacher who's worked with teenagers for 5 years & has seen a lot, your recent posts have worried me & I'd really encourage you to take some steps to protect yourself...

[tigger_gal]

Tracey,
I am so sorry you have to go thru any of this. I hate to say this, but, I really think your child needs to have domestic charges filed against her. Why? because they will force her to counseling, and that is exactly what she needs. This will only escalate into serious problems in the real world. She is going to seriously lash out at the wrong person one day and end up hurt or worse. I know this because my mothers daughters kids are like this.
on a more personal note, I would have ended my child's visit at that moment, and when she hit me, I would have knocked her on her butt. Sometimes it is just necessary to take action when it is needed. She has no respect for you, herself, or anyone.
I agree you need to get out of the home, but I wonder if your daughters behavior will become worse and make you her target. If your husband is not helping I am willing to bet he will not get her the help she needs. I would go in here room and what ever is in the floor put in a trash bag and throw it out. I have done it, and sure other parents have too. Please do not allow her to disrespect you, show her you are her mother and you will not take anymore attitude.
(((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))

[Cali girl]

I am so sorry you are going through that!! I will be saying a prayer for you and your family.

[humpieumpumkin]

Cindy, you hit the nail right on the head.

Erika

[MakinIT]

So...I was starting a response to you all when my husband walked in....BLOOP...all gone, start over... I have a horrible case of the flu today, it's a 101 AFTER the tylenol and I am going to go to sleep in a minute. I just wanted to write and thank you all for your messages. Of course, today, my husband was being very sweet and making sure I had water, acetominiphen by the bed. Like I said, he's not evil or mean...He's just so damn intense. Anyway, I have to sleep. Will write more later. BTW. Young one is cleaning her room. She came to me and asked, after allthe stuff last night,for a new bathing suit. I actually Laughed aloud. She was genuinily puzzled. I used a trick I used to use on Caitlin but it took longer for kelsey to figure out what she was supposed to do b/c so self absorbed. Anyway, she got it, she's doing the work. More later Thank you so much

sleeeeeeepppp

[ICNJess]

What about family therapy?

[tigger_gal]

I am glad everyone is helping you out, they should, but to me thats because they are guilty parties and want something. Your daughter a bathing suit, and hubby, well he just feels as tho he needs to feel important or significant.
I see a lot of my sisters ex husband and her children in your post. I do not think you deserve to be treated so badly, and the longer it is ignored the longer it will take to fix. Until your daughter learns to behave, and treat you with respect, she should not get a bathing suit. Her behavior towards you is insane. I really wish this would all just go away for you, but I only see it increasing. My sister lives in fear of her sons out bursts, and refuses to allow her daughter to live with her. I hope things don't get that bad.
you know I am here to talk to. (((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))

[IC SARAH-CPP]

Wow Tracey, I am so sorry. I wish I could tell you what steps to take but I havent ever been through this either.
I do think that Donna's suggestion was a good one though, about the counseling. I know counseling helped me a great deal. I think that talking to an outside party can be very helpful and can put things in perspective.
I would start to sit down and write out a budget or a list of finances and then maybe kinda go from there on moving out, if that is what you intend to do. I know that many people rent out just rooms in a home and they can be quite inexpensive.
Even if you do decide to work things out with hubby, you should be prepared just in case something does happen again.
I am sorry you have to go through this. I dont know what to say about the kids except I am happy you are standing your ground with the youngest. Sometimes I think the only way to get through to the kids is through their possessions! Unfortunate, but true.
Hang in there and I am here anytime you need to talk
Sarah

[ICNDonna]

One good thing about seeing a professional is that if there is a need to make living arrangements, etc., they usually know how to go about it, where to get financial help, etc., etc.

Donna

[MakinIT]

I do have a professional counselor. Have seen him since this thing started b/c my docs could see I was going insane without my job and I carry alot of guilt because I bring in about 2,000 less than I was before. My husband likes to give his brother money for rent, or buy stuff I don't know about and before you know it, I'm in the doghouse for paying some industrious boys 15 bucks for mowing my lawn. (husband says "why doesn't someone in the house do it?!!! my response...the girls can't do, they are allergic..he says he wasn't necessarily reffering to girls, I say " YOUR DAD???" He looks and say "of course not" Then I realize what he is saying and I say there is no way in hell I am mowing the lawn a) I don't have the strenght b) I do everthing else and C) (This is the biggee) Fresh cut grass is one of the ANAPHALAXIS Triggers in me. When the grass is mowed I leave for at least an hour and I sure as hell don't come home a nd bury my face in the ground, although I love the smell. I am going to make a card with my allergies and illnesses, laminate it, and stick it in my wallet, in the spot across from my license b/c my husband doesn't remember anything I'm allergic to. I am deathly allergic to Latex. I went to a birthday party for his nephews and crashed on the couch. Next thing I knew, I was being carried outside and shot in the leg with epeniphrine by an EMT, and I had a bag over my face. Apparently, while asleep, The boy's Grandma started blowing up latex balloons, like well over 50 from what Cailtlin said....and she and Kelsey started screaming for them to stop, I was allergic. They ignored them. So they went out to dad, who was drinking a beer and he just shoed them away, when they came back in they were trying to move the balloons away from me. (They knew better than to break them, it sends more fibers) Caitlin checked on me and I had stopped breathing. THAT got things moving...fortunately I always carry an epi pen, a double so Roger was doing mouth to mouth and giving me the epi shots, I started shallowly breathing when the EMT came and they didn't bother to put me on a gurney...they just carried me out. I had to go to ER for a few hours to make sure I was breathing and oxygen was back up, but that's the kind of thing I mean. He just doesn't think. In my mind, I know my childrens allergies and sensitivities up and down. I know roger's. Granted, I have a longer list but it will fit on a business card. JERK.

Anyway, my fever is down right now, falsely. I haven't broken it yet, it's at 99.9. I took extra strength tylenol earlier and my bones have stopped aching for a while. we are comingup on the 3 and 1/2 hour mark so my eyeballs are starting to hurt again. (why is that when you have the flu?)

random thoughts. Ok...fear question with leavving my husband..I know I can on medicare. Whopee. I can prob. afford the premium for that.But I gotta have these meds and I can't' have "donut holes" halfway through the year. My meds, without copays, are well over 3,000 dollars. I only bring in 2500. I am looking at taking my ticket to works and finding a program in Radiology that I may be able to do. I have to sit with a counselor and figure it out first. but, that job, rock bottom for just the tech who takes pics pays 35,000. I was thinking after a tech cert I could work and maybe continue on to learn CT and Ultrasound (about 50-60,000around here dependingon how much chain yanking is happeningl Finally you can get a 4 year degree in nuclear radiology, which is very high in demand and that pays...well...quite a bit more than the CT/Ultrasound.

Ticket to work pays your benifits for the first year as well as education in addition to any salary you earn. I could, technically, be able to do this if I could survive school and the darn job at the same time. the job would have health insurance.

gotta go...I'm passing out

nighty nitgh

[tigger_gal]

ok great you are looking forward. I am happy to see that. Stick to your guns with the kids, and get that allergic to paper typed up and tape it to your license. I have my medtronic card taped to mine. You got step 1 going on talking to a consoler and step 2 planning on what to do and financially afford it.
You are entitled of half of everything in a divorce, and you should take what you can get out of this relationship. Now for the final step getting out on your own, your health will get better because you will leave your stress at the door when you leave. I think it would be a great idea for you to get out of that stressful household and go away for a weekend, and don't take any calls from your family. Go visit your family, a friend, rent a hotel room just go and don't worry about how they feel, it is not on there agenda to worry about your feelings.
Check into Medicare prescription pathway and other rx help that they offer. Check into medicaide. you can also looking low income housing, tell them you have no where to ga and it will bring your name up on the list.
Sara is right on target in her post. Renting a room with house privileges is a great idea.