Lonely and maybe dumb

[luvsterriers]

I am 33 years old. I never got drunk or even tipsy. I mentioned earlier today how it would be nice to do karaoke at work for a holiday party. One co worker mentioned that he would have to be drunk in order to sing. That made two other co workers talk about how they act then when they get drunk. I feel so stupid and a low life. I never enjoyed the taste of alcohol. I have had long island ice teas, rum and coke, pina colada, cape cods, but it wasn't my thing. During family holidays I have tasted a sip of dad's or mom's wine, and I hate it. I hate beer too. Even before this IC and acid reflux, I never wanted to know what it is like to get drunk. But if I were to attend a work holiday party, I would want to have good manners and not act stupid by being so drunk. I have heard how some people get so drunk they get violent towards their co workers or they get very touchy feely. One thing I do dislike about Koreans is when a American man gets with Korean men for dinner for example. The korean men will forace the American man to drink and drink. I'm sorry but NO MEANS NO! Well I'm sure when co workers, family or friends get together for drinks they force each other too. I don't have a social life since I don't drink. Senior prom, high school graduation, Fri or Sat nights, never thought about alcohol. Does this make me a dumb a**?

[Linda May]

drunk

It has been years since I had a drink, and the last time I drank I puked in my brothers car. Have not had a drink since even before the IC.

[ICNDonna]

Drinking alcoholic beverages is not necessary in any social gathering. I very occasionally will have a small glass of a dessert wine, but that's not to be social, it's because I like it --- and I usually drink it at home when there's nobody around but husband and me.

Donna

[baaaby11]

I don't drink AT ALL (not just because of IC) and I don't think there's anything wrong with not drinking. In social situations, I don't feel pressured to drink because I honestly don't need or want to drink in order to have a good time. It's not our fault that some people's personalities suck so bad that they can only have fun when they're wasted.

You should be proud of your decision and stand by it!

[vanilla]

Alcoholism is considered a disease by mental health professionals.

[LithEruiel]

Hi Anna,

I've never drank much either. In high school I didn't because that's what the cool kids did and I didn't want to be anything like them (seriously) and also because my mom would kick my butt! Then in college (the first time) I was on meds that made me feel awful if I drank. After I got off the meds I was ok for a little bit with it and then I got IC! Ugh! I never liked the taste of alcohol either, but I did like wine coolers and some drinks with juice where you can't taste the alcohol...oh well, it doesn't matter now does it...

Anyway, I know how pushy people can be about it. Drinking is pretty much all anyone talks about at school...and not just the 20 year olds...the people in their 30s and 40s are just as bad. In fact, they're probably WORSE about talking about it than the people I went to high school with! It makes me feel left out, yet I don't really want to drink! I'd maybe like a drink now and then, but not to get drunk like they do. I also really dislike bars. So why do I feel left out...I don't know...but I still do. I guess maybe it's just a desire to be "normal" even though I know "normal" doesn't mean best. It's a hard cycle to get out of.

[luvsterriers]

I used to love going to Irish pubs and listening to the music, but I rarely drank. I had IC since I was 22. I did have a boyfriend during that time and he liked to drink Guinness whenever we went to these Irish pubs. I think I probably did drink a beer or took a sip, I don't recall. I do want to fit in, and it just seems like if you drink alcohol then you have a great social life. Co workers having parties at each others houses. Co workers going on happy hours. Of course the IC gets in the way, and also the LD and aspergers. I wonder how my life would be more positive if there was a cure for LD and aspergers. If I never had those type of disabilities my life would be way more positive and happier. I would have tons of friends and have a great social life and great oral skills. I look much younger than my age and act it too. People get stunned when I tell them my age. I still live at home with mom and dad too. When they go out of town, I get so depressed and lonely. What 30 something still lives at home and cries when parents go out of town? No one that I know of abandoned me.

I need to do another endoscopy soon. I don't know what is going on with me health wise. The IC has gotten worse and worse. The acid reflux is bad. LD, aspergers, stomach issues, pain all over my body. I wonder if one single blood test can determine what illnesses I have. I have these dreams of such sadness that I can't put on here.

[CarolinaGal]

I used to drink like a fish. Quite frankly, I used to enjoy the feeling of intoxication. As I get older though my body is changing and whereas I used to feel good drunk, now I feel crummy and I feel even worse when I wake up the next morning. Needless to say I don't drink much. I like to have a drink socially just because I'm not social and it helps me to relax, but I usually don't have more then one drink because I don't want to get drunk.

A lot of people drink as a form of self-medication.

One of my husband's urologists said, "what you're doing now [getting drunk on a daily basis] is self-medication and I am not going to tell you to stop because you won't. But, oneday you will realize that you are doing more harm to your body then good and you will stop. It's just a process that you go through when you find out you're 'sick'. Ninety-nine point nine percent of patients go through that phase and they wake up one morning realizing they are really messing themselves up."

I wouldn't judge other people because they drink because you never know what they are going through or why they are drinking. You may not agree with it, but that doesn't make them lesser people.

[VickiB]

Anna, not drinking doesn't make you dumb. Quite the opposite in my opinion. I totally believe alcohol is not necessary to having a good time or a full social life.

I also believe that CarolinaGal's comment, "you never know what they are going through or why they are drinking. You may not agree with it, but that doesn't make them lesser people." is true as well. Everyone has their demons, battles, whatever. I just try to thank God that it's not my demon!

Vicki

[LithEruiel]

Anna, I totally know what you're saying. I honestly don't have any friends besides my boyfriend. Everyone I know doesn't know how to have a good time without alcohol. I know it's possible to have a good social life without it, but I haven't found a way how to yet. I like to sit down and talk with people and they're all too hyper to have a good conversation with. I can't find anyone who shares any of my interests. The area where I live has one of the highest rates of alcoholism and underage alcohol consumption in the country. It's just what people here do. When I tell people I don't drink, they act like it's unheard of.

[luvsterriers]

2011 worst ever year to start health wise. With the way my health is, I don't think I'm going to live a long life. I'm only 33 now and I'm not even married and have my own children. I still live at home! That is so embarrassing!!! I am getting an endoscopy done Feb 18th. I wish I can get all kinds of procedures to determine what exactly is going on. My stomach and bladder pain is so bad I just cry and cry. The acid reflux is so bad. Few days ago I went to walk in clinic and the doctor did a throat culture so I will know later. Perhaps I have a throat infection, I don't know. It is like this burning feeling in my throat. I hope I didn't damage the lining of my esophagus. I noticed that peppermint tea for example is good for IC bladders, but not so much for someone with acid reflux. I feel like this thick mucus won't go away even though I used Mucinex, acupuncture on throat, and nasal wash. Nasal washes make me feel more congested. I'm an emotional wreck.

[statesboro]

I know I don't drink alcohol. Do I ever consider myself to be a dumb as* because of it. Why should I? I like being sober, by the way. I don't like IC at all. I still would not want to get drunk. Besides, I have not been to any clubs in a while to begin with. I currently feel enough pain without being drunk on top of it. Also, I have to use a cane sometimes, too. Being drunk would not be good for me. I walk bad enough on some days. OK. I don't like to see drunk people acting the fool. Why should you have to feel like a low life? Come on. God is always good.

[Snowden1]

Oh, I think you are being way too hard on yourself. You are with your parents (who you obviously love and they love you) for support. There is nothing wrong with that. What you are going through is extremely difficult to say the least. The worst part is that most people don't even realize what you are going through. My sister has learning difficulties and that is one of the reasons I wanted be a special education teacher. I saw how she was treated by other people and it wasn't nice. Sometime people just feel the need to put others down so they can feel better about themselves - never thinking about how that other person feels.

I am sorry you are feeling so badly. Our symptoms sound very similiar at this point. I never have liked alcohol so I don't miss it. I just miss eating. I don't eat much at all. I hate the pain. I take it you are Korean? Isn't it more cultural to remain with your family?

Be kinder to yourself. I'm with stateboro, God is good, HE loves you.

[luvsterriers]

Yes mom is Korean and dad is white. In Korean customs, generarally the children live with their parents till they get married. Some daughters live with their husband's parents. Given this poor economy and college grads trying to find jobs, I'm sure they are still living at home.

About co workers there are a few that make me so upset and depressed that no wonder my IC has gotten worse. I don't like holiday parties at all. Mainly because of the food. How can I enjoy a party when I can't enjoy the food? One co worker told me if I don't attend holiday parties then people would think I'm odd, weird, strange, etc. She said that I should be more social. Well screw her! I have acid reflux disease AND IC so how can I be happy at any holiday party? Plus due to aspergers communication is very difficult. This woman and another male co workers I think are ignorant. One of them knows I have aspergers and he had the nerve to tell me that maybe my boss should find someone who doesn't have aspergers. I work for Department of Justice in DC, but I'm not an actual employee. I'm a contractor. So DOJ doesn't send me the pay check. I don't HAVE to go to holiday parties. I thought that is my own decision. So what if co workers think I'm odd, strange, stupid, etc if I don't go to parties. I hate parties. I hate the gossiping, the laughing, the smiling, etc. I just can't stand communication in front of so many people. I like talking on the forums better. Sure if there was a cure for IC and acid reflux then I could probably enjoy parties more.

[amaranthe]

Back when I was still working (pre-IC), I still didnt like drinking. So, when it was time for our annual holiday party at my boss's house, I didnt want to go. (Nothing worse than being the only one sober in a roomful of drunks!) However, it was my boss's custom to hand out our Christmas present from him (a check for $100), at this party every year. So, the day of the party, I told him that I couldnt make it to the party and hoped he would understand. Well, he told me in no uncertain terms that he did NOT understand and furthermore, if I wasnt going to be attending, I wasnt going to be getting anything from him! I couldnt believe it! He was dead serious! I desperately needed the money, but really, really didnt want to go. There were going to be about 50 employees there plus the spouses. They certainly didnt need me too! So, I didnt go. I tried to explain to him that I am very uncomfortable in crowds, (which is true.) But, he didnt want to understand. Anyway, true to his word, he gave everyone BUT ME a check for $100. To this day, I dont know why he was so insistant that I attend this boozefest.