Could be the End of my Marriage ...

[CarolinaGal]

Hi all. As I'm sitting here my heart is in a million pieces. I have this horrible, puking feeling in the pit of my stomach and I have no idea what to do right now.

Last night I packed my bags and called my mom to come pick me up from my house because I'm running out of strength to deal with my husband. I love him more than life itself, I really do. I can't begin to imagine life without him, but the past few days it's been hard to imagine life with him.

I feel like he has lost all respect for my feelings and now it's his way or the highway and I don't deserve that. I deserve to have my feelings considered just as much as I consider his and despite the fact that his most recent actions are literally killing me inside, but I know it makes him happier so I'm trying my hardest to tolerate it. Just because I'm tolerating doesn't mean it hurts any less.

The wounds are still fresh and the pain is unbearable, but I'm praying that with time it gets better. I'm praying that with a lot of hard work and a lot of patience we will be fine. I took vows to be his wife for better or worse, in sickness and in health ... so what kind of woman would I be if I walked out on him? What kind of wife would I be if I turned my back on my husband who clearly needs me now more than ever?

I sat in my mom's van last night crying for an hour. I kept asking myself if I was doing the right thing ... I asked myself "will you be able to live without yourself if this is the last time you see your husband?" and "if you leave now there may be no working it out later, can you live with that?" The answer to both of those questions was "no".

No, I cannot live with myself if this is the last time I see my husband nor can I live with myself if I leave and this is the end.

I want my marriage to work. Regardless of the hard work and patience I have to put into it I want it to work. I want to work it out. I am so deeply in love with my husband. I love him at his worst, I love him at his best, I love him in between. I love that man.

I just don't know how to make this feeling in the pit of my stomach go away ....

I suppose the only thing I can do is give it time and be as understand & patient as possible.

[ICNDonna]

If you haven't already, I urge you to see a counselor. Sometimes we just need a little help in sorting out our feelings and making decisions for our futures. And please let me know how you are doing.

Warm hugs,
Donna

[JosieWales]

If you haven't already, I urge you to see a counselor. Sometimes we just need a little help in sorting out our feelings and making decisions for our futures. And please let me know how you are doing.

Warm hugs,
Donna

Ditto. My husband and I had serious marital problems a few years ago--our marriage was literally shattered, and we thought beyond repair. Counseling and plain old hard work got us where we are today. I don't know what is going on w/you, but I'm here if you need to talk.

[CarolinaGal]

I am waiting for a call back from a therapist for me. I believe I have issues to work through before I ask him to go to counseling with me. I just feel so devestated ....

[bubbe1]

marriage

My husband and I have also been in a hard place. Counseling helped us both to work through our problems.
I hope things come out right for you and your husband.
Laurie

[Linda May]

I agree with donna, but sadly but true I was a devoted wife of thirty years and my husband left me 10 days ago.

He never was a good husband or father I would always turn the other cheek, because he suffers from depression.

Now even though I stood by him all those years in sickness, health, for richer or poorer, he left me.

I ask him what did I do; He looked at me straight in the face and said your sick and I do not love you anymore!

I am still in total shock I get angry,sad,depressed and feel so betrayed.

From the last three months all the signs were there, he bought all new clothes, used his cell phone in private ect.

I loved him and I really thought deep down inside he loved me, but our marriage apparently from his point was all a lie.

He used me as much as he good until I got sick with IC, depression, nerve damage, bone spur, bulging disk in neck, shoulder damage ect.

I pretty much kept my figure up so I guess he just wants a newer model perhaps a 1966.

I feel sorry for anyone who dates him or falls for him because he is a liar, cheating and by no means a man.

I do hope your marrige works out and I wish you the best.

I wish I could have predicted the future I would not even dated my husband.

Oh by the way I was a very faithful understanding devoted wife who got thrown away like I was garbage.

The only thing that keeps me going is this ic forum ,friends,family and last but not least god.

You know my sister has always said what don't kill you will make you stronger.

[bubbe1]

marriage

I agree with donna, but sadly but true I was a devoted wife of thirty years and my husband left me 10 days ago.

He never was a good husband or father I would always turn the other cheek, because he suffers from depression.

Now even though I stood by him all those years in sickness, health, for richer or poorer, he left me.

I ask him what did I do; He looked at me straight in the face and said your sick and I do not love you anymore!

I am still in total shock I get angry,sad,depressed and feel so betrayed.

From the last three months all the signs were there, he bought all new clothes, used his cell phone in private ect.

I loved him and I really thought deep down inside he loved me, but our marriage apparently from his point was all a lie.

He used me as much as he good until I got sick with IC, depression, nerve damage, bone spur, bulging disk in neck, shoulder damage ect.

I pretty much kept my figure up so I guess he just wants a newer model perhaps a 1966.

I feel sorry for anyone who dates him or falls for him because he is a liar, cheating and by no means a man.

I do hope your marrige works out and I wish you the best.

I wish I could have predicted the future I would not even dated my husband.

Oh by the way I was a very faithful understanding devoted wife who got thrown away like I was garbage.

The only thing that keeps me going is this ic forum ,friends,family and last but not least god.

You know my sister has always said what don't kill you will make you stronger.

Linda May,
I'm so sorry to hear this.
Laurie

[Linda May]

Linda May,
I'm so sorry to hear this.
Laurie

I listen to a song called A Little Bit Stronger by Sara Evans the song sounds just like what I am going through. If anyone wants to here it you can download it on u tube.

[Bekah79]

I hope and pray things get better for you.

Keep The Faith
Bekah

[aleet7]

I've been there! Sometimes we need time to sort through our feelings and sometimes we need a neutral person (counselor) to help us make sense out of things. All marriages go through rough times. We need all the help we can sometimes just to make it work! Since you know that you still love him...do whatever it takes to make it work! You'll be happy that you did. I remember taking breathers and going to my mom's to give him space(what it did was give him time to think about how much he needs me and vice versa). I hope you can get passed this very difficult time. I'm here for you!

Best Wishes,
Aleet7

[aleet7]

Linda May...I'm glad to see you around. You've been on my mind. I hope you're ok. I'm so praying for you! Hang in there!

Hugs,
Aleet7

[CarolinaGal]

Linda May,

I am sorry to hear that.

I did talk to my husband about the subject that caused the argument one last time last night. I told him point blank that I am willing to compromise on one aspect of it, but not the others (and I told him specifically what I was NOT compromising on) and if he crossed one of those boundaries I was leaving.

I understand he is sick. I understand he is going through a lot, but I will not allow him to put myself and our marriage second in his life (which I told him last night as well).

I know he loves me. I know he doesn't want to lose me. I know he has no ill intentions. I know that all I can do is trust him and give the rest to the good Lord.

[aleet7]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this! My prayers are that you and your husband can make it through this. Marriage is work....hard work. Communication is key and it's good to see that you are communicating and telling him what you expect out of him. Hang in there CarolinaGal!

Hugs,
Aleet7

[CarolinaGal]

I have somewhat of an update ...

It seems our marriage has hit rock bottom. We're walking the fine line between working it out and separating and the good news is that we both want to work it out.

The problem is that we've both been shaken to our core and we're so unsure of marriage at this point. Despite me telling him numerous times I love him and I want to work it out he is still unsure of my intentions; and despite him telling me numerous times he loves me and doesn't want to lose me I am still unsure of his intentions.

We really do love each other and we really do want to work it out and make things better ... I guess I just have to have patience and remind myself that things like this take time ...

It's just so heartbreaking .... I feel as though I may lose my best friend and the biggest part of me....

[sailawaygrl]

Just like Aleet says marriage takes a lot of hard work and some blind faith at times. Remember that sometimes you just have to trust that you love each other and go forward with the hard work. I wish you the best.