Beginning to think it is me

[ICNDonna]

I wish I could help. Just remember that you are a very special person.

Donna

[janet.]

It is not you

I am very sorry that you ae going through this. It's not you; if it were it would be me too! I just had a hydro/ about 3 weeks ago. I was diagnosed (quickly) about 4 years ago. My last DSMO/hydro was about 11 mo ago and was less effective than the first two, so we tried the chlorpactin. I know that a lot of people are against it, but I was desperate. I am back to miserable. My employer does not understand (I am sitting at my desk with tears in my eyes again) and my husband tries. It seems like that the more I try, the more I fail. (There is a lesson in there somewhere.) Just took pain meds (yes at work but what can I do). I have been told that my entire group will be eventually working from home but basically I am last. ( I missed work due to me last hydro/chlorpactin and it put me behind.) This is a very twisted irony. It is okay and reasonable to expect to feel left out. I know if my health were better I would have a better relationship with everyone from my husband to my employer. Have faith that you will feel better. Try and hold on to that. It is truly okay to talk the cats, after all they are next to me when I am at my worst. My husband has been great but he too has to work.I feel like he just wants to "fix" me & he gets depressed and frustrated. I hold it in then and that is not good either. We have a disease that people do not understand. Try to not let people have such an impact on you it will only make it worse. This is a horrible cycle; depression and stress make the IC worse. The more I go home from work and just go to bed, the more I get behind & then that leads to more depression.( I am reminding myself of this as I write this). I think this has been the worst week ever for me. Do what you can and take care of yourself. Find something..ANYTHING that you can do even if you feel to bed to read in bed.
( I finally do not have a messy nightstand dawer!) I have to get back to work but hang in there. Do not let people that don't understand your disease judge you. The depression makes thing harder to rationally deal with. If it were anything else you (and I) would not take advise from anyone who is clueless about something. YOU are the informed one. It is okay to feel bad, but we need to not allow that to make us feel even worse. I will keep in touch. I think this is the hardest part of this disease.

[waterflow]

I do feel like I don't belong or fit in anywhere or am wanted. Basically living for the cats. Haven't sold a baby outfit in a long time and started making them to give to charities but then I thinking maybe no one would really want them since that one hospital didn't. Hate to have them thrown away after all the work put into it.

[waterflow]

Have learned to only talk with the animals. Seems if I talk with people I get insulted (no matter what) or I end up argueing and I refuse to argue anymore. So, since I can't seem to get along with anyone guess it is me. I email with a pen pal in another country and even he insults me or says I am over reacting when the cats are sick. Wish I could win the lottery and buy an island and go live there by myself with the cats.