My Hopeless Depression

[Melissa66]

since my hubby and I want to try to conceive I went off the birth control pill 5 months ago and my normal cycle has resumed. My psychological PMS was bad before I went on it and improved and was controlled for 15+ years when I went on Orthotricyclen. For the past month I've been plunging into a deep depression and have reached about rock bottom. My symptoms are fits of uncontrollable rage at work, at my DH, uncontrollable crying and a bleak outlook of the worthlessness of my life and a hopeless future. I'm also convinced that I'll never get pregnant. Even paranoia is coming into this mix.

I've suffered from depression all my life and have been in the care of a psychiatrist with talk therapy and meds which have helped. Since going off TP the meds (Klonopin, Seroquel) have been useless and I've tried and failed to pull myself out of this pit of despair. Tomorrow I see my psychiatrist to discuss other meds or even the possibility of hospitalizing myself.

I've tried so many antidepressants -- Prozac, Zoloft, Cymbalta, Xanax -- all the big name drugs and they cause my IC pain and frequency to go through the roof. I don't think higher doses of Seroquel and Klonopin will help my depression. So I have no clue what to do. I'm serious about hospitalizing myself because I don't want to be a guinea pig for weeks on end trying new drugs and think a hospital stay will get me a quicker diagnosis and help the doctors find which antidepressants my bladder can take while giving me mental relief.

Any advice would be so appreciated.

[ICNDonna]

I hope your psychiatrist will be able to help you tomorrow.

Donna

[Linda May]

I too suffer from deep depression and know what you are going through.

Don't worry about conceiving at this time the lord will bless you when he feels you're ready.

On a funny side to this; my sister-inlaw wanted to conceive as well, when she felt she was at a high level to con-conceive, she did this.

After making love she put her legs and behind up for two hours afterward and believe it or not she conceived.

The doctor told her body was ready and propping her bottom up it helped the tiny little sperm to reach her egg quicker.

I thought that was so funny, I just pictured it in my mind ,but it worked for her.

Anyway, I hope and pray things will work out for you and you will find relief in your depression and IC.

[Melissa66]

What antidepressants have you ladies used that don't make your IC flare up and help alleviate your mental pain.

[anigro07]

Tried a cocktail?

Lexapro seems to work for me, but I only have moderate depression. Some psychiatrists combine two or more antidepressants to find the right chemical mix - there may also be supplements (such as fish oil or vitamin d) that could help. The key issue is not to give up hope, although I know that's a hard thought to keep with every new trip to the pharmacist. I would also highly recommend seeing someone who does MBT (mind-body therapy) if you can, it takes awhile, but allowed me to get off anti-anxiety meds.

[Melissa66]

I tried Lexapro and had a bad side effect which gave me blurry vision. Try as I might, no matter what AD's I try there is always a side effect that my bladder can't tolerate. This only adds to my despair.

[leelee88]

Please have your GYN do some hormonal bloodwork..

[flowerangela]

hate to suggest this but alcohol in moderation? a mojito helps me w mine

[LithEruiel]

I wish I had some advice for you Melissa, I've had depression all my life as well and really haven't found anything that works. I was on Zoloft, Prozac and Depakote while I've had IC and they didn't make my IC worse, but I had other bad side effects from them and had to stop. Depakote is actually for bi-polar, but I've been on so many depression meds and couldn't tolerate the side effects that my doctor gave it to me as a last ditch effort, but it was worthless since it didn't help my mood...it actually seemed to make it worse. Have you seen anyone about fertility? If you're worried about not being able to conceive, maybe you can get some help with that and get everything back to normal sooner. At least you'd know if there really is a problem or not. Good luck, I hope you find something that helps.

[purpletomorrow]

Remeron (mirtazapine) 30mg nightly is a godsend for me.

It does several things; it blunts the hot flashes of menopause; it makes me sleep at night, and it seems somehow to shut off neuropathic pain, so it makes my bladder SHUT UP at night.

Before Remeron, I would wake to pee roughly 16 times per night. Tiny amounts of urine in my bladder would cause terrible urgency.

After Remeron, I usually wake once or twice to pee at night. Huge difference! Greatly appreciated!

Drawbacks include carb cravings and a loss of satiety when eating. I avoid weight gain by staying low carb, which is easy on the IC diet.

I feel that this drug literally saved my life. I was going bat-sh*t crazy from depression and lack of sleep and this medicine made a huge difference.

Maybe something you want to consider?

Hope this helps,
Laura

[Jereme]

All medications have side effects. However, you have to decide if the side effect is worth the good. I've been on most of the antidepressants out there including prozac, lexapro, celexa, cymbalta, pristiq, effexor, wellbutrin, remeron, pamelor and desipramine as well as konopin and lamictal. I don't feel hopeless, helpless or terrible. I accept that IC will wax and wane and I accept that medicines will have side effects and for me will always be needed. I consider myself a sucess story. BTW, I'm currently on Wellbutrin and trying buspar with that since the wellbutrin alone increased anxiety and jaw clenching. Since decreasing the dosage of wellbutrin and adding buspar the symptoms of jaw clenching are better. You mention that all meds affect your IC and then you note Lexapro caused a different side effect. IC doesn't go away and can wax and wane, worsen and get better. I, at one time, was convinced that the antidepressants caused IC flares and there was no hope for me. However, after keeping a journal for over three years I see that I've been on many different meds and sometimes my IC is doing great and sometimes not so great. It does what it wants and I've learned to accept that for the most part and live inspite of it. I'd suggest trying meds at a low level and sticking with them at least three months before you decide if they are for you or not. Often times side effects lessen as your body gets used to the drug. I used to try meds a day or two, have a side effect and stop them and try something else. I no longer do that. FYI, I was convinced for years that Wellbutrin was the worst thing for my IC due to taking it 10+ years ago and having the worst frequency that I have ever had. I decided four months ago to retry it and after being on it for four months I've determined it does not affect my IC either way. It only increases anxiety and jaw clenching which I'm hoping buspar helps with. It's either that or the extended version of trazadone or else perhaps gabepentin. There are always options and hopelessness and simply a symptom of depression. I feel your pain and can definitely empathize but also can't stress enough to never give up and accept that there are no perfect solutions to life's problems. We all have struggles and what determines sucess is perseverence and determination. Get rid of any all or nothing, perfectionist and catastrophic thoughts, work with your doctor's and therapist to find the best treatment for you. Accept that treatment may not be perfect and resolve to live your life the best you can day by day. I'd also suggest looking into mindfulness based meditation as that can be very helpful.

[Pammylynn8]

I have had HORRIBLE depression for my whole life. I finally found a dr who helped address that. A few years ago I was on Lexpro (which works amazingly) and klonopin and i just wasn't feeling good still. He added Remeron and I felt so much better. The three worked together to help me feel normal. I recently went off Remeron b/c dr. felt it was time to go back to 2. I still feel good. The Lexapro will take a bit to get used to. It can be hard but after a while you body doesn't even have side effects anymore. The klonopin is an Oral dissolving pill as well as the remeron, which are really stomach friendly. Ask you dr. about using this combo b/c it worked miracles for me. Hope you are feeling better soon!!