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FUNNY BONE (Midlife)
Hi,
I thought this ANONYMOUS material might be a funny way to end the week. I hope you get a good chuckle out of this.
Midlife is when the growth of hair
of our legs slows down.
This gives us plenty of time to care
for our newly acquired mustache.
In midlife women no longer have
upper arms, we have wingspans.
We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts,
we are flying squirrels in drag.
Midlife is when you can stand
naked in front of a mirror and
you can see your rear without turning around.
Midlife is when you go for a mammogram
and you realize that this is the only time
someone will ask you to appear topless.
Midlife is when you want to grab every
firm young lovely in a tube top and scream,
"Listen honey, even the Roman Empire fell and
those will too."
Midlife brings wisdom to know
that life throws us curves and
we're sitting on our biggest ones.
Midlife is when you look at your know-it-all,
beeper-wearing teenager and think:
"For this I have stretch marks?"
In midlife your memory starts to go.
In fact the only thing we can retain is water.
Midlife means that your Body By Jake
now includes Legs by Rand McNally - more
red and blue lines than an accurately scaled
map of Wisconsin.
Midlife means that you become more reflective
- You start pondering the "big" questions.
What is life? Why am I here?
How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat
before it's no longer a healthy choice?
But midlife also brings with it
an appreciation for what is important.
We realize that breasts sag, hips expand and
chins double, but our loved ones make the
journey worthwhile.
Would any of you trade the knowledge
that you have now for the body you had
way back when?
Maybe our bodies simply have to expand
to hold all the wisdom and love we've acquired.
That my philosophy and I'm sticking to it!!
Thanks to all of you who have been so kind and supportive during my struggles these past four months not only with IC, UTIs, severe osteoporosis, osteoarthritis, osteitis pubis, hypothyroidism, fibromyalgia, etc. but in addition I have been fighting a serious intestinal infection called C.Difficile. It has been a very scary time not only because my bowel almost ruptured but all the stress on my body caused my heart to go crazy and I had to be rushed into Acute Care. But I am lucky to be alive and that is the main thing. Hopefully, in time, the infection will be a thing of the past.
This site has been a real source of comfort and support during these past four months and I am very grateful to have had it to come to. Thank you all so very much!!
And thanks again to Jill and Donna for the new board on books and magazines. I love it!
Louise
I thought this ANONYMOUS material might be a funny way to end the week. I hope you get a good chuckle out of this.
Midlife is when the growth of hair
of our legs slows down.
This gives us plenty of time to care
for our newly acquired mustache.
In midlife women no longer have
upper arms, we have wingspans.
We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts,
we are flying squirrels in drag.
Midlife is when you can stand
naked in front of a mirror and
you can see your rear without turning around.
Midlife is when you go for a mammogram
and you realize that this is the only time
someone will ask you to appear topless.
Midlife is when you want to grab every
firm young lovely in a tube top and scream,
"Listen honey, even the Roman Empire fell and
those will too."
Midlife brings wisdom to know
that life throws us curves and
we're sitting on our biggest ones.
Midlife is when you look at your know-it-all,
beeper-wearing teenager and think:
"For this I have stretch marks?"
In midlife your memory starts to go.
In fact the only thing we can retain is water.
Midlife means that your Body By Jake
now includes Legs by Rand McNally - more
red and blue lines than an accurately scaled
map of Wisconsin.
Midlife means that you become more reflective
- You start pondering the "big" questions.
What is life? Why am I here?
How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat
before it's no longer a healthy choice?
But midlife also brings with it
an appreciation for what is important.
We realize that breasts sag, hips expand and
chins double, but our loved ones make the
journey worthwhile.
Would any of you trade the knowledge
that you have now for the body you had
way back when?
Maybe our bodies simply have to expand
to hold all the wisdom and love we've acquired.
That my philosophy and I'm sticking to it!!
Thanks to all of you who have been so kind and supportive during my struggles these past four months not only with IC, UTIs, severe osteoporosis, osteoarthritis, osteitis pubis, hypothyroidism, fibromyalgia, etc. but in addition I have been fighting a serious intestinal infection called C.Difficile. It has been a very scary time not only because my bowel almost ruptured but all the stress on my body caused my heart to go crazy and I had to be rushed into Acute Care. But I am lucky to be alive and that is the main thing. Hopefully, in time, the infection will be a thing of the past.
This site has been a real source of comfort and support during these past four months and I am very grateful to have had it to come to. Thank you all so very much!!
And thanks again to Jill and Donna for the new board on books and magazines. I love it!
Louise
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