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Well worth reading...This woman doesn't even have IC!

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  • Well worth reading...This woman doesn't even have IC!

    My Friend Menopause
    Why I've found "the change" is for the betterDorothea Helms I asked myself the other day, as I was covering for forgetting someone's name by blaming the oversight on menopause, what did I use as an excuse before I fell headlong into the "change"?For years now I've been contributing to the bad press that menopause, peri-menopause and post-menopause have received, and it's felt, well, good. After enduring menstruation for nearly 40 years, I find the revenge factor in this mature-years life stage to be strong.Revenge against whom, you may ask? A male "God" figure, I suppose. I've been quoted many times for my famous, "No female thought up this human reproductive system!" And, frankly, menopause makes no sense, so it must have been conceived (pun intended) by a male -- the same male who made it easy for men to relieve their bladders in the woods through "outdoor plumbing" and who set us women up as prime targets for poison-ivy butt when we attempt it.I've found that the transition from my fertile years into menopause has been a rocky road fraught with illogical body changes -- "illogical" if we're to believe that "survival of the fittest" represents any kind of evolutionary guideline for preserving our species.For one thing, the balance is gone from my medical make-up. I'm not talking about vertigo, I'm referring to the fact that I'm gaining weight and losing memory. How good is is that for survival?And another thing: I'm the same age as my husband, who's consistently chilly these days, adding layers of clothing to preserve as much body heat as possible, yet I live in trepidation of the frequent yet unpredictable "hot flash."Ah, the hot flash, that venomed, dog-hearted puttock, that churlish, folly-fallen gudgeon, that ... You know, I'm resorting to Shakespeare more and more often these days to insult people, which scares me. In addition to the fact that insulting people isn't nice, I've read very little Shakespeare, so who knows what ancestral rage against the cessation of the supposed punishment for original sin seethes within me?One thing I do know is that whining helps. O.K., whining helps me, not necessarily those around me. But now that I've reached menopause, I don't care. There I go, being rude again and using that same "female trouble" excuse.But all kidding aside, maybe it's time to quit focussing on the hot flashes, lack of energy, weight gain, bifocals and loss of memory as negative things. The plain truth is, menopause makes a fabulous scapegoat.It's a strange phenomenon, menopause, and it can be manipulated to succeed at a multitude of goals: to get sex, or get out of it; to hear snide comments against which you can direct a hormone-initiated tirade or to say "Huh?" and pretend you didn't hear something you don't care to acknowledge; to see life more clearly or selectively shut out unpleasant aspects; to engage in weight-bearing exercise or bear weight while exercising only by getting in and out of the car ... oh, the possibilities are endless!I'm sure menopause is why I was speeding on Highway 47 yesterday. I had to go to the bathroom and, believe me, when a menopausal woman has to go, she really has to go! And there's no doubt that the change has a lot to do with my house being a mess. Who can expect a woman with an internal body temperature that resembles that of the sun's corona to scrub toilets?Yes, menopause is the culprit. Wouldn't surprise me a bit if it's also to blame for inflation, war, earthquakes and all our ecological problems.It's also the problem with ending this article. I can't think of a thing that constitutes a poignant, riveting culmination of my craftily constructed points. So, I'll just say "too bad" -- and add that I really could come up with something brilliant if I weren't going through the change. Go figure.

  • #2
    Ha! I love it! Hey menepause before thirty is no fun either. All of my friends are still doing the reproductive thing and I am wondering how long I have before the estrogen needs to be adjusted again. I really hate finding out that it needs to be done after three days of hour long hot flashes. Geez I wish guys had a clue!

    One beneift, after twenty years of periods I have no more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Besides saving all that hassle, think of how much money this woman who had periods 10-15 days long and only 15-22 days apart is going to save! Actually the feminine product companies might notice a loss of stock value!

    Thanks for the laugh Cora, I needed that. Lisa
    God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging......The LORD Almighty is with us the GOD of Jacob is our fortress." Psalm 46:1-3,7

    May God bless our nation