my story with cigs and where I'm at

[Lady J]

I was a real regular smoker for a real long time. I started when I was 11 or 12 but didn't become a regular smoker until I was 14. Between 14 and 17 I smoked an average of about a pack a day- no filters, I thought the little camel was soo cute when I started at 11 so... At 17 I left home for good and all stops were off- I became a two pack a day smoker quickly. They were my security blanket through a lot. By the time I was 22 or so, I'd cut down back to about a pack and smoked ligher cigs and with filters. That went on until I was thirty-three or so. Then I slowly quit little by little. That lasted maybe a year and then I slowly went back up little by little. I quit again on my honeymoon when I was thirty-four.

I'm thirty-five now. I smoke when I'm mad or sad or agitated and I just can't help it. At least that's how it feels- like when I have to have one I'll kill anyone, including myself to get in into my lungs. I feel so much better after I smoke one that I usally stop but not always...not if I'm drinking or if the stressor keeps on stressing me....These days I smoke between 0 and 4 cigs a day- light ones with filters. I Love to smoke- I LOVE IT. I miss it terribly when I can't do it at all and I feel so deprived and nasty and downright mean as all hell. Feeling mad or frustrated and not being able to have a smoke is pure torture for me. I currently have bronchitis on top of whatever is generally the conditon of my bladder. My lungs have always been very weak- even when I was a baby. I don't really know what to do. People tell me to try deep breathing or meditating instead of smoking- I can't tell you how much that does not work when I need a cigarette. Niether does gum or the patch for that matter. It's not pretty.

[ICNDonna]

I can't tell you how much you sound like me before I finally managed to quit smoking! I could find so many, many, many "reasons" for not quitting! Like I was already upset about something --- or my bladder hurt --- or I was stressed --- or hungry and didn't want to gain weight. Mostly I now know I was stressed because I wanted that damnable cigarette!

When I finally succeeded I can't describe the wonderful feeling of freedom. The first four days were absolute hell (even with the gum) and once I got through those four days, I decided I would never, ever go through them again. I can tell you that I smoked my last cigarette on August 17th and it was something like 18 years ago.

One of the first things I noticed after those four days was that smoking doesn't smell good! When I went to my primary care doc, he commented about my quitting and I didn't even have to tell him --- he could smell the difference (My uro prescribed the gum for me).

Before I quit, I was a heavy smoker.

Sending encouraging hugs,
Donna

[Lady J]

Well, you're not exactly like me. Here is what does not make sense. I have gone way more than four days without a cig. I've gone months- almost a year. I get the cravings when I get mad or hurt anyway. It must be psychological but it feels physical. It even happened when I was on the patch and I smoked while it was on! Evidently that's pretty dangerous so I gave up the Patch. It's very day by day with me. I didn't have one yesterday- I had one the day before. I crave them every day, but the strenghth of the cravings vary.