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  • #1

    You don't get to pick your family

    Just need to vent.

    Just went through a very stressful event over the last month, long story short I was traveling with my FIL, he loves to travel but is getting a bit too old and forgetful to travel alone.

    When he suddenly got sick, I spent 2 very scarey days in a hospital in another country. He finallly had an operation and was medivaced back to our country but still a few hundered miles from home.

    I spend another couple of days with him in the ER in this place fighting for him to get proper care, his own children appearently didn't take it very seriously, most of them had holiday plans and did not intend to change their plans to come nad help me.

    Finally I had a bit of a rant on them and my husband who understood but was dealing with all the behind the scenes things, medical insurance, getting our belongings that got left behind etc.

    My husband realized I was stressed more than I could take, brought his sister to see their dad. This is what he wanted, his family, reasonable request I think.

    Anyways she knows I have medical problems and sort of what they are, but I am sure she dosen't really understand them. No she is a retired nurse and is in her 60's, the first words out of her mouth were as she patted my belly did you gain weight while on holidays, I bit my tounge and replied no I am sure I had not.

    But my mind was screaming, I am in an IC flare from H***, I haven't peed any amount in 4 or more days, I am sure I have a UTI but have not had the time to get it checked out as I have been looking after her dad, no wonder my belly is bloated.

    What even made it more hurtfull was she said it in a really childish voice, like see it happens to you too. In the past year or 2 she has gained quite a bit of weight, and is not happy with herself. So I know this is where this came from, but hurts just the same.

    I just grinned a bared it as if I started to say something I may not have had the control to stop, from bringing up all the things I have bit my tounge about.

    Just a rant MG
    My are with you all. May you all find a way to peace and joy in your lives.
    Tags: None
  • #2
    :grouphug: I hope things settle down quickly for you.

    Donna
    Stay safe


    Elmiron Eye Disease Information Center - https://www.ic-network.com/elmiron-p...mation-center/
    Elmiron Eye Disease Fact Sheet (Downloadable) - https://www.ic-network.com/wp-conten...nFactSheet.pdf

    Have you checked the ICN Shop?
    Click on ICN Shop at the top of this page. You'll find Bladder Builder and Bladder Rest, both of which we are finding have excellent results.

    Patient Help: http://www.ic-network.com/patientlinks.html

    Sub-types https://www.ic-network.com/five-pote...markably-well/

    Diet list: https://www.ic-network.com/interstitial-cystitis-diet/

    AUA Guidelines: https://www.ic-network.com/aua-guide...tial-cystitis/

    I am not a medical authority nor do I offer medical advice. In all cases, I strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.     [3MG]

    Anyone who says something is foolproof hasn't met a determined fool

    Comment

    • #3
      WOW... her words were harsh for sure... and uncalled for. How can those words be of any use. And why was she paying attention to you when her dad's so sick.

      I do hope things get better for you! I hope you can get time to rest and care for yourself or you will not be very useful to anyone!
      Frances

      Diagnosed: 2011 - have had symptoms for over 20 years. Diagnoses so far: Overactive Bladder, then IC, and now Myofacial Pelvic Pain Syndrome.

      Medicines: For IC am doing PT, and will be taking Gabapentin, Ativan, Tramadol and Ambien. Ice packs and drinking vanilla shakes help. Foods that cause a flare, tomatoes, yogurt, coffee, soda, all sports drinks, and most teas. Take Verapamil, Naproxen (as needed), Omeprazole, Frova (as needed) and receive Botox shots(every three months) for migraines. For allergies I use Claritin and Flonase. (Feel free to ask me any questions about meds.)

      Other conditions: Migraines, allergies, mild IBS.

      "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." (Matthew 21:22)

      Comment

      • #4
        That sux, people can be so hurtful. My mother in law says some horrible things. On more than one occasion she would come and visit after I had been in hospital and say "your illness is so hard on my son". It breaks my heart I am doing my best and hate that I have this in my life but I can control it or who I fall in luv with and who falls in luv with me. I would never do anything to hurt my husband and it breaks my heart he has to through this with me every day.

        Anyway that's my rant, it's just water off a ducks back now. I know it's hard but try and ignore her she obviously has issues and feels better about herself through hurting others. This is not a nice person. Unfortunately you we can pick our partners family.

        It's hard enough having IC without people attacking us.

        You deal with IC every day so u a strong and powerful women in my book.

        Hope your day gets better.

        Comment

        • #5
          you don't get to pick your family

          Mg,
          I think you are an amazing person, traveling with and taking care of, your FIL, even though you're so sick yourself.

          Your sister-in-law is probably feeling crummy about herself and is taking it out on you. Try to let her comments just roll off your back, they don't matter.

          Take Care of yourself,
          Laurie

          Comment

          • #6
            Thanks for all the support, I really appreciate it.

            She is not a well liked person but seems oblivious of that.

            She has told me before she is 60 what ever and has earned the right to say what ever she thinks. I don't think so you still need to watch what you say to others. Old rule runs through my mind, if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all.

            She never married, has a partner now, he is nice enough but a different kind of duck too, she never had children. I take great offense to being told how to raise my children.

            I actually truely think she is lossing her marbles, if you call her on something she has said in the past she always claims not to remember. I have said to my husband I bet in the not too distant future it will come out she has alshimer's or something like that, her brain dosen't function right. She also doesn't understand boundries, as to what her role should be in our lives.

            I don't spend more time with her than I need too, I am not rude or anything, I just don't seek out her companionship, we don't see eye to eye on lots of things.

            Thanks to all it is good to have someone to chat with that understands where you are coming from.

            All this stuff does just usally run off my back, I was just at a very low point, stress, worry, no sleep, UTI.

            Thanks MG
            My are with you all. May you all find a way to peace and joy in your lives.

            Comment

            • #7
              I was told you have to be 80 .... and senile .... before you can say anything you want.

              :::::grinning:::::

              Donna
              Stay safe


              Elmiron Eye Disease Information Center - https://www.ic-network.com/elmiron-p...mation-center/
              Elmiron Eye Disease Fact Sheet (Downloadable) - https://www.ic-network.com/wp-conten...nFactSheet.pdf

              Have you checked the ICN Shop?
              Click on ICN Shop at the top of this page. You'll find Bladder Builder and Bladder Rest, both of which we are finding have excellent results.

              Patient Help: http://www.ic-network.com/patientlinks.html

              Sub-types https://www.ic-network.com/five-pote...markably-well/

              Diet list: https://www.ic-network.com/interstitial-cystitis-diet/

              AUA Guidelines: https://www.ic-network.com/aua-guide...tial-cystitis/

              I am not a medical authority nor do I offer medical advice. In all cases, I strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.               [3MG]

              Anyone who says something is foolproof hasn't met a determined fool

              Comment

              • #8
                Sounds reasonable to me, but you know my 96 FIL not meaning can say hurtful things, but you can brush that off, as he is more like a child than an adult.

                MG
                My are with you all. May you all find a way to peace and joy in your lives.

                Comment

                • #9
                  Poor You..

                  hope things improve for you..make sure you dont internalise the anger..it makes this IC thing worse..if not caused it in the first place..so venting is good..anger inflames..
                  Peace xx

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    can't pick family

                    [QUOTE=ICNDonna;589693]I was told you have to be 80 .... and senile .... before you can say anything you want.

                    :::::grinning:::::

                    Donna[/QUOTE]

                    So 62 and senile doesn't count?!

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Nope! gotta wait 'til you're 80. :)
                      Stay safe


                      Elmiron Eye Disease Information Center - https://www.ic-network.com/elmiron-p...mation-center/
                      Elmiron Eye Disease Fact Sheet (Downloadable) - https://www.ic-network.com/wp-conten...nFactSheet.pdf

                      Have you checked the ICN Shop?
                      Click on ICN Shop at the top of this page. You'll find Bladder Builder and Bladder Rest, both of which we are finding have excellent results.

                      Patient Help: http://www.ic-network.com/patientlinks.html

                      Sub-types https://www.ic-network.com/five-pote...markably-well/

                      Diet list: https://www.ic-network.com/interstitial-cystitis-diet/

                      AUA Guidelines: https://www.ic-network.com/aua-guide...tial-cystitis/

                      I am not a medical authority nor do I offer medical advice. In all cases, I strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.                       [3MG]

                      Anyone who says something is foolproof hasn't met a determined fool

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        I think a lot of adults don't want to be bother when it comes to take care of an elderly parent. My MIL has three daughter and only one stepped up to the plate and took care of her. She was working at the time and would even take off when she was needed. The other 2 weren't working and didn't have small children either. My SIL has been telling herself some people can't handle seeing a parent like that. I think she is just trying to keep from being angry at them. Her husband and I saw what was going on and tried to take up the slack.

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          I think many of us can relate to this but I'm very sorry you had to endure such hurtful comments.
                          ((HUGS))

                          Comment

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